Sunday Love
Contest Prompt -- use these words free verse37 total reviews
Comment from Roisin
I love this free verse. You've managed to weave the required words in so seamlessly - you're so good at doing that with these requirement. I know what you're saying about TV and how it can distract us from other things. I feel you should maybe change tv to TV and there was just one other tiny thing I want to point out to you:
Setting a trap to make
more things mean life
will be better than this...
better than a heart full
of family.
Although this is gramatically correct, when I read it, I read it as 'more things mean' feeling that I should pause and then 'life will be better than this'. So maybe you should put a comma after 'things' so that the true meaning is obvious. I hope I'm making sense - it's probably just the way I read it, but I just thought I'd point it out. I love the poem, the writing and the content. Good luck in the contest. It should do well.
Hugs
Roisin
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2009
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I love this free verse. You've managed to weave the required words in so seamlessly - you're so good at doing that with these requirement. I know what you're saying about TV and how it can distract us from other things. I feel you should maybe change tv to TV and there was just one other tiny thing I want to point out to you:
Setting a trap to make
more things mean life
will be better than this...
better than a heart full
of family.
Although this is gramatically correct, when I read it, I read it as 'more things mean' feeling that I should pause and then 'life will be better than this'. So maybe you should put a comma after 'things' so that the true meaning is obvious. I hope I'm making sense - it's probably just the way I read it, but I just thought I'd point it out. I love the poem, the writing and the content. Good luck in the contest. It should do well.
Hugs
Roisin
Comment Written 26-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2009
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I did make a change... I appreciate the suggestions.
Thank you so much for this uplifting and very kind review.
I am very glad you liked it.
Comment from prodigal
Well Skye, I think you did a wonderful job with this one. I didn't realize there were constraints until I read the authors notes. I remember Sunday mornings growing up. We used to all climb in bed with our parents. It is a special time. Well done- Sam
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2009
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Well Skye, I think you did a wonderful job with this one. I didn't realize there were constraints until I read the authors notes. I remember Sunday mornings growing up. We used to all climb in bed with our parents. It is a special time. Well done- Sam
Comment Written 26-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2009
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Thank you so much for this uplifting and very kind review.
I am very glad you liked it.
Comment from Domino
Hi, Skye
Maybe changt 'tv' to upper case?
Great message of contentment with the simple pleasures of love and life rather than the unnecessary crap we're told is essential. Best wishes, ray xx
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2009
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Hi, Skye
Maybe changt 'tv' to upper case?
Great message of contentment with the simple pleasures of love and life rather than the unnecessary crap we're told is essential. Best wishes, ray xx
Comment Written 26-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2009
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Changed it. Thanks for the suggestion.
Thank you so much for this uplifting and very kind review.
I am very glad you liked it.
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I'm honoured and pleased to be of some small use. Best wishes, ray xx
Comment from Donovan
If I had not known, I would never have suspected that there were required words. All I could feel was the unconditional love of a grandmother.
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2009
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If I had not known, I would never have suspected that there were required words. All I could feel was the unconditional love of a grandmother.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2009
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Loving comes easily when you have sweet babes to pour it out on... and friends who encourage loving. Thank you so much for this uplifting and very kind review.
I am very glad you liked it.
Comment from Joan E.
I enjoyed your powerful social satire that starts out so innocently. I very much liked your phrase "the wrong style of life to the unwary" and your "trap" metaphor. I missed the fact that your poem involved required words until I read your notes. Your use of them was seamless--well done. Thanks for your reflections.
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reply by the author on 26-Apr-2009
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I enjoyed your powerful social satire that starts out so innocently. I very much liked your phrase "the wrong style of life to the unwary" and your "trap" metaphor. I missed the fact that your poem involved required words until I read your notes. Your use of them was seamless--well done. Thanks for your reflections.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2009
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Thank you so much for this uplifting and very kind review.
I am very glad you liked it.
Comment from Clueless
I really enjoyed what you wrote as it's not includes the words you have to use but meaning. TV has taken away alot from family traditions, creating a whole new world and generation for the worst. However at times it can be beneficial but is rare.I use to remember the days when there was only 5 channels and tv was limited anything before 8.30pm was rated G nowdays I would be watching a mid day movie at 1pm and a commercial for improving your sex life world come up. Children are growing to fast because of tv.The sistuation is if you don't move with the times you left behind and can't defend therefore we have to follow this modernisation to get ahead and live. Even though same might be content with a shak on an Island it's just not economical. Therefore it's tv that gives us our ideas to further persuasive spend and fit in through their persuasive selling techniques.
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2009
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I really enjoyed what you wrote as it's not includes the words you have to use but meaning. TV has taken away alot from family traditions, creating a whole new world and generation for the worst. However at times it can be beneficial but is rare.I use to remember the days when there was only 5 channels and tv was limited anything before 8.30pm was rated G nowdays I would be watching a mid day movie at 1pm and a commercial for improving your sex life world come up. Children are growing to fast because of tv.The sistuation is if you don't move with the times you left behind and can't defend therefore we have to follow this modernisation to get ahead and live. Even though same might be content with a shak on an Island it's just not economical. Therefore it's tv that gives us our ideas to further persuasive spend and fit in through their persuasive selling techniques.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2009
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I am grateful for your gift of stars, your insightful comments, and understanding.
Thank you so muc.
I am very glad you liked it.
Comment from rama devi
An excellent entry for this contest, which meets the challenge and uses the words in such a way that they do not sound forced. Very well done.
No spags... except I think tv should be capped TV
Loved this
I hate when it ends, sorry
for the intrusion of tv,
the golden-voices trying
to sell the wrong style
of life to the unwary.
Strong message!
Closing also strong.
Best of luck.
Warm Regards,
rama devi
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2009
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An excellent entry for this contest, which meets the challenge and uses the words in such a way that they do not sound forced. Very well done.
No spags... except I think tv should be capped TV
Loved this
I hate when it ends, sorry
for the intrusion of tv,
the golden-voices trying
to sell the wrong style
of life to the unwary.
Strong message!
Closing also strong.
Best of luck.
Warm Regards,
rama devi
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2009
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Changed it.. Thanks for the heads up.
Thank you so much for this uplifting and very kind review.
I am very glad you liked it.