Innocence Betrayed
An entry in the Betrayal Poetry Contest36 total reviews
Comment from Wendy G
Goodness, that was full of power and impact, and the different fonts worked well. It deserves a six, but I have run out of them. You spoke of the ultimate and the worst betrayal. Well done. good wishes for the contest.
Wendy
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2023
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Goodness, that was full of power and impact, and the different fonts worked well. It deserves a six, but I have run out of them. You spoke of the ultimate and the worst betrayal. Well done. good wishes for the contest.
Wendy
Comment Written 16-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2023
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Thank you so much, Wendy - I really appreciate your thoughtful feedback. xx
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Very well done, Navada showing the vulnerable lamb at the mercy of this preying vulture, and the guilt and fear that is left. Too many children grow up with these memories inside them forever more, the ultimate betrayal..
Well written for this betrayal contest, and good luck in the contest.
cheers,
valda
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2023
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Very well done, Navada showing the vulnerable lamb at the mercy of this preying vulture, and the guilt and fear that is left. Too many children grow up with these memories inside them forever more, the ultimate betrayal..
Well written for this betrayal contest, and good luck in the contest.
cheers,
valda
Comment Written 16-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2023
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Thank you so much for this thoughtful feedback. xx
Comment from karenina
So well done! The many layers of sexual abuse...
The unknown, the pain, the self shame, the secrets, the manipulation...
Dear God...
How many little lambs still bury all of this beneath depression, anxiety, self harm.
Excellent use of font style and size change...
I pray this is fiction... I know it is fact for far too many!
Karenina
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2023
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So well done! The many layers of sexual abuse...
The unknown, the pain, the self shame, the secrets, the manipulation...
Dear God...
How many little lambs still bury all of this beneath depression, anxiety, self harm.
Excellent use of font style and size change...
I pray this is fiction... I know it is fact for far too many!
Karenina
Comment Written 16-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2023
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Thank you so much for your thoughtful and empathetic words as always. I wish it was fiction.
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Me too. So sorry it is not!
Comment from Richard's Opus
Navada--This free verse poem takes the reader inside the mind of a youthful victim of sexual assault. The victim knew the assailant, yet at first could not come to grips with what was beiing done to her by someone she trusts. Then comes the self blame as the victim tries to rationalize with herself, and the attempt to hide her feelings of guilt for what happened. She thinks what took place was punishment from God. Her innocence has been lost forever, and she will forever after carry in her mind the idea that people she believed were loyal and protective can never be trusted. Thus, one bad apple can poison the well for others. I think you have given us a mini drama of a narrative poem, one with a first person narrator being judge and jury in their own mind about what happened and who is to blame. Her verdict will have tragic consequences for the victim. I'm not sure that changing fonts was really necessary, the words themselves contained a powerful visual and mental image for the reader. Well done, and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2023
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Navada--This free verse poem takes the reader inside the mind of a youthful victim of sexual assault. The victim knew the assailant, yet at first could not come to grips with what was beiing done to her by someone she trusts. Then comes the self blame as the victim tries to rationalize with herself, and the attempt to hide her feelings of guilt for what happened. She thinks what took place was punishment from God. Her innocence has been lost forever, and she will forever after carry in her mind the idea that people she believed were loyal and protective can never be trusted. Thus, one bad apple can poison the well for others. I think you have given us a mini drama of a narrative poem, one with a first person narrator being judge and jury in their own mind about what happened and who is to blame. Her verdict will have tragic consequences for the victim. I'm not sure that changing fonts was really necessary, the words themselves contained a powerful visual and mental image for the reader. Well done, and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2023
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Thank you so much, Richard. xx
Comment from Tetamarina66
This is good very powerful and evocative writing. I see a lot of emotions displayed as I read each word by word.
Keep up the good work with your writings
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reply by the author on 16-Dec-2023
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This is good very powerful and evocative writing. I see a lot of emotions displayed as I read each word by word.
Keep up the good work with your writings
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2023
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Thank you so much. This was a challenging one to post. I appreciate your feedback.
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No problem
Comment from lyenochka
You portrayed how horrifying it is when a young child is abused especially by someone she knows and had trusted. That is a clear example of betrayal. I wouldn't put this in the Horror / Thriller category as that's more for zombies and killer stories. Your warning is enough.
Best wishes in the contest!
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2023
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You portrayed how horrifying it is when a young child is abused especially by someone she knows and had trusted. That is a clear example of betrayal. I wouldn't put this in the Horror / Thriller category as that's more for zombies and killer stories. Your warning is enough.
Best wishes in the contest!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2023
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Thank you for that feedback - I'm still a little new to these classifications. I'll edit it now. Very much appreciated. xxx
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I didn't want you to miss any reviews from those who don't review the horror category. I do agree it's a horrifying subject.
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I really appreciate your help! :)