The Return
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "The Return Chapter 9"Erotic Turmoil
34 total reviews
Comment from Ulla
Wow, Sandra, this is getting better and better by the minute. I love this story and where you're taking it. So Bessie is an ever present entity, who is the only one, who can see Margot, apart from Miles. And he apparently wants to have a word with Margot. What a wonderful concept. A big hug, Ulla xxx
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2022
  |
Wow, Sandra, this is getting better and better by the minute. I love this story and where you're taking it. So Bessie is an ever present entity, who is the only one, who can see Margot, apart from Miles. And he apparently wants to have a word with Margot. What a wonderful concept. A big hug, Ulla xxx
Comment Written 27-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2022
-
I'm so glad you liked this part. Getting the crossover right has been giving me nightmares! Lol. Thanks so much for this really lovely review, my friend, and that golden star. Love and hugs. Sandra xx
Comment from Begin Again
Good morning, ny dear friend
My fingers touched the keyboard and the first message was yours. You knew I flew to that one at once and I most certainly have not been disappointed. I felt like I was hanging out in Bessier's apron pocket, watching Margot step back across the lines of time. You wrote it perfectly... At least the goosebumps on my arms said you did!
Awesome story and now we shall play detective... though I hope there aren't any more "bad spirits" to hinder Margot or harm her. But I imagine there are...can't have smooth sailing, now can we?
I just love this story and how you are able to do the ghostly thing with so much ease. I am ready to don my "hat" and search for clues. Great job!!!
Sending my smiles, hugs and love to you, Sandra. You're really on top of it with this story and I can't wait for more.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2022
|
Good morning, ny dear friend
My fingers touched the keyboard and the first message was yours. You knew I flew to that one at once and I most certainly have not been disappointed. I felt like I was hanging out in Bessier's apron pocket, watching Margot step back across the lines of time. You wrote it perfectly... At least the goosebumps on my arms said you did!
Awesome story and now we shall play detective... though I hope there aren't any more "bad spirits" to hinder Margot or harm her. But I imagine there are...can't have smooth sailing, now can we?
I just love this story and how you are able to do the ghostly thing with so much ease. I am ready to don my "hat" and search for clues. Great job!!!
Sending my smiles, hugs and love to you, Sandra. You're really on top of it with this story and I can't wait for more.
Comment Written 27-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2022
-
Thank you so very much for the lovely review and to shiny, sunny sixth star, Carol! Yes, Margot must now turn detective and stop Meg's murder. I'm so pleased you think I wrote it perfectly, I've been over and over it. Now I can relax a bit! Thanks, my friend. Love and hugs back. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Sandra,
good stuff here and a lot of revelations. Getting meaty now. lol
argot's fingertips had only feather-touched the top of Meg's headstone- nothing wrong here but I'd go for something like barely grazed... see what you think.
it wasn't enough to stop the overwhelming fear she felt when the sky was pitched into absolute darkness - I have a thing about naming the senses! I'd go for something like 'the overwhelming fear which enveloped her' or simply drop out she felt entirely with no substitute.
Hearing her wobbly voice sound more alien than human, her nerves crashed completely - adverb alert! I know a lot of this is personal choice but it's a good rule to avoid two in the same sentence. here yo could change wobbly to wavering, faltering, quivering or such like.
Or change the nerves to imploded and do away with completely.
Okay, be warned I'm just being daft here - Her breathing came in short pants, as opposed to long trousers!!!!
her heartbeat raced more like a drum roll than the steady ticktock of a clock. - I like this.
Bessie's eyes twinkled with merriment as she replied, 'I's didn't need to, my dear. I's not from your time, or this time--I's belonging to all time.'- very nice development.
Yours and Mistress Meg's Birthdays- birthdays probably doesn't need capitalised here.
With just her there, alone, now her mother had died. - this doesn't feel fully formed in its own right and maybe should be part of the previous sentence.
Miles was on his knees in front of her in an instant. He took the glass from her hand and put it on the fireplace mantle- that's some reach if he's on his knees and can reach the mantle... unless it's a very low one.
All the best
G
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2022
 |
Hi Sandra,
good stuff here and a lot of revelations. Getting meaty now. lol
argot's fingertips had only feather-touched the top of Meg's headstone- nothing wrong here but I'd go for something like barely grazed... see what you think.
it wasn't enough to stop the overwhelming fear she felt when the sky was pitched into absolute darkness - I have a thing about naming the senses! I'd go for something like 'the overwhelming fear which enveloped her' or simply drop out she felt entirely with no substitute.
Hearing her wobbly voice sound more alien than human, her nerves crashed completely - adverb alert! I know a lot of this is personal choice but it's a good rule to avoid two in the same sentence. here yo could change wobbly to wavering, faltering, quivering or such like.
Or change the nerves to imploded and do away with completely.
Okay, be warned I'm just being daft here - Her breathing came in short pants, as opposed to long trousers!!!!
her heartbeat raced more like a drum roll than the steady ticktock of a clock. - I like this.
Bessie's eyes twinkled with merriment as she replied, 'I's didn't need to, my dear. I's not from your time, or this time--I's belonging to all time.'- very nice development.
Yours and Mistress Meg's Birthdays- birthdays probably doesn't need capitalised here.
With just her there, alone, now her mother had died. - this doesn't feel fully formed in its own right and maybe should be part of the previous sentence.
Miles was on his knees in front of her in an instant. He took the glass from her hand and put it on the fireplace mantle- that's some reach if he's on his knees and can reach the mantle... unless it's a very low one.
All the best
G
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2022
-
Thanks so much for this helpful review, Gareth, all your sugestions are excellent, of course, and I've made the edits. I'm glad you like the way it's going, the crossover took me ages to get right. Thanks again, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from Ricky1024
This is the first chance in the first chapter that I've been able to review.
It's very heartfelt and it's always interesting to write romance poetry and books from the 18th century.
..
This was well Written Rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
...
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures aligned perfectly.
Thanks and enjoy this Sabbath Sunday!
Doctor Ricky 1024
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2022
|
This is the first chance in the first chapter that I've been able to review.
It's very heartfelt and it's always interesting to write romance poetry and books from the 18th century.
..
This was well Written Rich in Theme and Imagery.
It also, read well and flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
...
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures aligned perfectly.
Thanks and enjoy this Sabbath Sunday!
Doctor Ricky 1024
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2022
-
Thanks so much, Ricky, I really appreciate you informative review. I'm delighted you enoyed reading this part. Warm hugs. :)) Sandra
