The French Letter
Viewing comments for Chapter 105 "The Road to Bumburet"A Novel
25 total reviews
Comment from Bill Pinder
I enjoyed reading another excellent chapter in your book. Hopefully Helen is able to make it out alive. I like the believable feel of the story and the interaction between the characters. What does it mean that they were "seconded to MI6?"
I like that humor about the Jerusalem artichoke.
Have a great new year!
Bill
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2020
  |
I enjoyed reading another excellent chapter in your book. Hopefully Helen is able to make it out alive. I like the believable feel of the story and the interaction between the characters. What does it mean that they were "seconded to MI6?"
I like that humor about the Jerusalem artichoke.
Have a great new year!
Bill
Comment Written 03-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2020
-
Thanks, Bill. I appreciate your comments. Being 'seconded' is mainly a British expression. It indicates being sub-contracted from your primary job. For instance, when I was in the RAF, pilots were sometimes seconded by the Sultan of Oman for a year. They remained in the RAF but were paid by him whilst in his service, then they returned to normal RAF duties at the end of the year.
Comment from Sankey
Well done. You had me worried. Fortunately, you have managed to still score a big SIX again! Love all the drama and new culture lessons. You write as though you have personal knowledge of all these cultures. Happy New Year.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2020
 |
Well done. You had me worried. Fortunately, you have managed to still score a big SIX again! Love all the drama and new culture lessons. You write as though you have personal knowledge of all these cultures. Happy New Year.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2020
-
Thanks for the six, Geoffrey, and more especially for your encouraging comments. I hope you're surviving all the fires and smoke OK.
-
We are ok just the smoke. Sorry to hear fires in SA as well. Keep em coming the stories I mean.
Comment from Alex Rosel
I liked this post in the series. It contains some very effective snippets of narrative {smiles}.
Here are a few points you might like to consider:
was as useless on these mountain roads as a city gent in a street brawl -- I like the simile. I've never seen it before {thumbs up}.
The visibility was reduced to fifty feet as wraiths of cloud swirled across our path -- This doesn't really work for me. When I read something like this, especially when the narrative is first-person, I usually think something like How do they know it's fifty feet? Did someone measure it? Just my personal preference...
the gnarled limbs of an ancient mulberry cast shade across its roof -- I like the visuals of this description {thumbs up}.
As Bisto bent to stroke him, his tail wagged and he looked up in adoration, sensing that Bisto was a dog lover -- Here you use more than one same gender pronoun to references two different males. It tends to reduce the focus of the sentence, and it can be confusing. Initially, it reads as if Bisto has a tail. I'd avoid this structure.
I knew that the British government never acceded to ransom demands. -- Actually, they do and have (Leila Khaled comes immediately to mind). This is me just being pedantic. I know this is a work of fiction, but you have interlaced it with the real world. Maintaining the level of veracity is of course a subjective call. If this was mine, I think I'd look to word it something like:
"I knew that the British government wouldn't want to be seen as acceded to the ransom demand";
or,
"I knew that the current British government never acceded to ransom demands."
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2020
|
I liked this post in the series. It contains some very effective snippets of narrative {smiles}.
Here are a few points you might like to consider:
was as useless on these mountain roads as a city gent in a street brawl -- I like the simile. I've never seen it before {thumbs up}.
The visibility was reduced to fifty feet as wraiths of cloud swirled across our path -- This doesn't really work for me. When I read something like this, especially when the narrative is first-person, I usually think something like How do they know it's fifty feet? Did someone measure it? Just my personal preference...
the gnarled limbs of an ancient mulberry cast shade across its roof -- I like the visuals of this description {thumbs up}.
As Bisto bent to stroke him, his tail wagged and he looked up in adoration, sensing that Bisto was a dog lover -- Here you use more than one same gender pronoun to references two different males. It tends to reduce the focus of the sentence, and it can be confusing. Initially, it reads as if Bisto has a tail. I'd avoid this structure.
I knew that the British government never acceded to ransom demands. -- Actually, they do and have (Leila Khaled comes immediately to mind). This is me just being pedantic. I know this is a work of fiction, but you have interlaced it with the real world. Maintaining the level of veracity is of course a subjective call. If this was mine, I think I'd look to word it something like:
"I knew that the British government wouldn't want to be seen as acceded to the ransom demand";
or,
"I knew that the current British government never acceded to ransom demands."
Comment Written 03-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2020
-
Very kind of you to read and review so carefully, Alex. Your suggestions are always well-considered and useful. Thank you very much for the sixth star and encouraging comments.
-
I've made a few changes to circumvent the various problems you mention. Thanks again for your input.
-
{Thumbs up}.
Comment from Jan Anderegg
I really enjoyed reading your story here. My apologies that I am out of six stars or I would have given you six in a heartbeat. This is so well written. You held my attention throughout .
Loved this:
However, our black Rover sedan was as useless on these mountain roads as a city gent in a street brawl.
What a great analogy.
My heart was in my throat when I read about the car skidding. Lucky Bisto knew you should steer into the direction of a skid! Phew.
Fabulous descriptions here when they get the the house and go inside.
Very well written.
I didn't find any errors or edits needed.
All the best,
Jan
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2020
|
I really enjoyed reading your story here. My apologies that I am out of six stars or I would have given you six in a heartbeat. This is so well written. You held my attention throughout .
Loved this:
However, our black Rover sedan was as useless on these mountain roads as a city gent in a street brawl.
What a great analogy.
My heart was in my throat when I read about the car skidding. Lucky Bisto knew you should steer into the direction of a skid! Phew.
Fabulous descriptions here when they get the the house and go inside.
Very well written.
I didn't find any errors or edits needed.
All the best,
Jan
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2020
-
Thanks for these lovely comments, Jan. Very much appreciated. A happy and fulfilling New Year to you. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from JudyE
Another great episode, Tony, with effective descriptions. I wonder what the group will do now to extricate Helen. I hope you've thought this through. lol I'm only interested in happy endings!
I'm sorry I couldn't find any spags. :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2020
|
Another great episode, Tony, with effective descriptions. I wonder what the group will do now to extricate Helen. I hope you've thought this through. lol I'm only interested in happy endings!
I'm sorry I couldn't find any spags. :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2020
reply by the author on 03-Jan-2020
-
I have high hopes of a happy ending. Like the mariner in Kipling's story, 'How the Whale Got His Throat', Charles may yet prove himself to be a man of infinite-resource-and-sagacity. LOL