The French Letter
Viewing comments for Chapter 99 "A Slip of the Tongue"A Novel
22 total reviews
Comment from Alex Rosel
Although I've missed more posts than I've read in this series, I like your plot and the easy flow of your narrative. I rarely pick up on any spags {smiles}. So, I'm offering you some general suggestions. However, they are just suggestions. Every author has their own style, and it's your decision what suggestions to accept or reject.
Bisto led the way to the restaurant, a room with the ambience of a Victorian hunting lodge. -- Maybe you could give this snippet more impact if you used a strong verb here. I'm thinking along the lines of:
"Bisto led the way to the restaurant. Inside, the gallery room oozed an ambience of Victorian hunting lodge from its wooden balustrades."
My fragile veneer of self-confidence started to crumble. -- Here, I'd omit the adjective "fragile". Apart from being wary of using too many adverbs and adjectives, I prefer to give the reader the space to imagine the scene in their own mind's eye. It'll likely encourage engagement with the narrative. Don't worry, they will understand the "veneer of self-confidence started to crumble" means it's fragile.
I could well imagine what would have been running through Alain's mind. -- In general, I try to avoid would/could/should in my narrative. They're all weak and passive. In this case, I think this is more active:
"I imagined what might be running through Alain's mind."
"What was that?" Kayla asked. Clearly, this was something she didn't know about, and it had piqued her interest -- In places, I think the narrative explains too much. It's telling in precise detail. The story always plays out in the mind of your readers. If you spoon feed them every minute detail, it again reduces the possibility for their engagement with the prose, and it tends to make the read laborious. Here I'd omit "this was something she didn't know about". The question makes that clear. I'd revise it to something like:
"What was that?" Kayla asked, her interest piqued.
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reply by the author on 04-Dec-2019
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Although I've missed more posts than I've read in this series, I like your plot and the easy flow of your narrative. I rarely pick up on any spags {smiles}. So, I'm offering you some general suggestions. However, they are just suggestions. Every author has their own style, and it's your decision what suggestions to accept or reject.
Bisto led the way to the restaurant, a room with the ambience of a Victorian hunting lodge. -- Maybe you could give this snippet more impact if you used a strong verb here. I'm thinking along the lines of:
"Bisto led the way to the restaurant. Inside, the gallery room oozed an ambience of Victorian hunting lodge from its wooden balustrades."
My fragile veneer of self-confidence started to crumble. -- Here, I'd omit the adjective "fragile". Apart from being wary of using too many adverbs and adjectives, I prefer to give the reader the space to imagine the scene in their own mind's eye. It'll likely encourage engagement with the narrative. Don't worry, they will understand the "veneer of self-confidence started to crumble" means it's fragile.
I could well imagine what would have been running through Alain's mind. -- In general, I try to avoid would/could/should in my narrative. They're all weak and passive. In this case, I think this is more active:
"I imagined what might be running through Alain's mind."
"What was that?" Kayla asked. Clearly, this was something she didn't know about, and it had piqued her interest -- In places, I think the narrative explains too much. It's telling in precise detail. The story always plays out in the mind of your readers. If you spoon feed them every minute detail, it again reduces the possibility for their engagement with the prose, and it tends to make the read laborious. Here I'd omit "this was something she didn't know about". The question makes that clear. I'd revise it to something like:
"What was that?" Kayla asked, her interest piqued.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2019
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Thanks very much for these observations, Alex. Most useful. I?ve made some changes.
Comment from JudyE
Very little to report with this chapter. It's good that you're not portraying Charles as instantly 100% over his ordeal.
Only two points:
I was only too well aware from my meeting with Sir Richard at the Islamabad High Commission that if push came to shove, political expediency would rule the day. - I might have put a comma after 'that'
What was it the Madame Durand had said in the Paris Embassy? - delete the first 'the' or did you mean to put 'that'?
Cheers
Judy
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reply by the author on 03-Dec-2019
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Very little to report with this chapter. It's good that you're not portraying Charles as instantly 100% over his ordeal.
Only two points:
I was only too well aware from my meeting with Sir Richard at the Islamabad High Commission that if push came to shove, political expediency would rule the day. - I might have put a comma after 'that'
What was it the Madame Durand had said in the Paris Embassy? - delete the first 'the' or did you mean to put 'that'?
Cheers
Judy
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2019
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Thanks, Judy. Eagle-eyed as ever! Congratulations on your Reviewer of the Month award. Well deserved! Here?s another thumb to start you off in December. All good wishes, Tony.
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Thanks for the congratulations. It's gratifying that there is recognition for those that review. And thanks very much for the thumb. Always appreciated.
