Haiku (dry autumn leaves crunch)
Haiku 5-7-532 total reviews
Comment from Ginnygray
PoemsofDD,
What a terrific and picturesque moment of reflection on a walk through the woods! I felt this one as I am prone to do just this to escape the hustle of "hurry and busy" to enjoy God's beauty and reflect on my thoughts of the day and my feelings!
Great Haiku!
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2018
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PoemsofDD,
What a terrific and picturesque moment of reflection on a walk through the woods! I felt this one as I am prone to do just this to escape the hustle of "hurry and busy" to enjoy God's beauty and reflect on my thoughts of the day and my feelings!
Great Haiku!
Comment Written 08-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2018
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Thank you so much again Ginnygray. I appreciate the shining six stars and your very encouraging comments on my haiku poem. I love the walks I take too. It?s so much more ?in the now? and therapeutic : -) ~DD
Comment from Joy Graham
Hi DD,
I like everything about your haiku. I'm still learning all the rules and only admire from afar. I don't have the desire to write one. Your picture sets the tone for your message. You describe the scene well in lines one and two. I can hear the silence disrupted by the crunching leaves under foot. This is a deep thinking aha moment. Well done. I think you have a strong entry for the contest.
Sincerely Joy xx
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2018
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Hi DD,
I like everything about your haiku. I'm still learning all the rules and only admire from afar. I don't have the desire to write one. Your picture sets the tone for your message. You describe the scene well in lines one and two. I can hear the silence disrupted by the crunching leaves under foot. This is a deep thinking aha moment. Well done. I think you have a strong entry for the contest.
Sincerely Joy xx
Comment Written 08-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2018
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Thank you Joy. I?m very grateful for your review and appreciate the time taken to comment. Warm regards ~DD
Comment from Pantygynt
This would be fine for a 5-7-5 but as a haiku it requires something more from that final satori line. As it stands the whole poem is a single statement whereas the the satori line of a haiku should be capable of standing alone although relating to the previous two lines. Several commentators outlaw "ing" words as gerunds. This one is not a gerund (used as an adjective) but is a present participle (part of a verb) nevertheless its presence fails to allow the line to stand alone. I would like to suggest that the satori line would be more powerful as a separate thought, the "Aha! I never thought of it that way". How about, "silent thought broken"? I don't see any point in taking a star off since, if you change it I shall only have to put it back again.
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2018
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This would be fine for a 5-7-5 but as a haiku it requires something more from that final satori line. As it stands the whole poem is a single statement whereas the the satori line of a haiku should be capable of standing alone although relating to the previous two lines. Several commentators outlaw "ing" words as gerunds. This one is not a gerund (used as an adjective) but is a present participle (part of a verb) nevertheless its presence fails to allow the line to stand alone. I would like to suggest that the satori line would be more powerful as a separate thought, the "Aha! I never thought of it that way". How about, "silent thought broken"? I don't see any point in taking a star off since, if you change it I shall only have to put it back again.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2018
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Pantygynt, thank you so much for your constructive review on my haiku
Poem. As always, I appreciate your comments and have taken them on board and yes, I agree with you. Thank you and amended. ~DD
Comment from Kerry Foley
This is a lovely Haiku, my friend, Fall is my favorite season, nicely done.
Good luck in the contest. ~Kerry
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2018
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This is a lovely Haiku, my friend, Fall is my favorite season, nicely done.
Good luck in the contest. ~Kerry
Comment Written 08-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2018
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Thank you Kerry. I appreciate you taking the time to review my haiku poem. Kind regards ~DD
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Very welcome, Sorry for the late reply, I've been moving.
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Very nice image and presentation.
-Syllable count is good.
-You have the elements of a haiku.
-Good kigo and imagery.
-Effective use of "crunch."
-Excellent satori.
-Good luck in the contest,DD.
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2018
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-Very nice image and presentation.
-Syllable count is good.
-You have the elements of a haiku.
-Good kigo and imagery.
-Effective use of "crunch."
-Excellent satori.
-Good luck in the contest,DD.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2018
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Thank you Pam for taking the time to review my Haiku poem. Your comments are always appreciated. Warmest regards ~DD
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You are very welcome, DD.
Comment from BermyBye50
Simply brilliant. A well written Haiku. Its both soothing and meditative all in one. and the artwork perfectly reflects the theme and message of the poem.
I especially like the the segment "...crunch beneath meditative steps"
All the best in the contest.
Eugene
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2018
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Simply brilliant. A well written Haiku. Its both soothing and meditative all in one. and the artwork perfectly reflects the theme and message of the poem.
I especially like the the segment "...crunch beneath meditative steps"
All the best in the contest.
Eugene
Comment Written 08-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2018
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Thank you for taking the time to review my haiku poem Eugene. I?m very grateful for the comments. Have a blessed Sunday. ~DD
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This speaks about dry autumn leaves, a bit scary environment it makes at each step along leafy path sound breaks silence of thoughts; well worded, well done. Thank you for sharing this with us. Good luck with the contest. KEEP WRITING, INSPIRE CHANGING. DR ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2018
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This speaks about dry autumn leaves, a bit scary environment it makes at each step along leafy path sound breaks silence of thoughts; well worded, well done. Thank you for sharing this with us. Good luck with the contest. KEEP WRITING, INSPIRE CHANGING. DR ALCREATOR
Comment Written 08-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2018
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Thank you ALD for reviewing my haiku poem. Your comments are always very much appreciated. Have a blessed Sunday. ~DD
Comment from Debbie Pope
I should have saved a six star for this poem. This is by far my favorite haiku even. Your perfect word selection and photo have me walking through those woods. I walk and think just as in your poem. Great job.
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2018
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I should have saved a six star for this poem. This is by far my favorite haiku even. Your perfect word selection and photo have me walking through those woods. I walk and think just as in your poem. Great job.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2018
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Thank you Debbie for your thoughtful review of my haiku poem. Your comments are very much appreciated. I like taking walks. It seems to be the only time I can feel present and in the ?now?. Thanks again and have a blessed Sunday. ~DD
Comment from Pamusart
Nice poem and artwork. I did not see a credit for the art as normally shows for art selected from fanartreview. Is it yours! This is a good entry for the contest. Good luck in the contest. I determined that crunching leaves was a metaphor for distraction. Thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2018
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Nice poem and artwork. I did not see a credit for the art as normally shows for art selected from fanartreview. Is it yours! This is a good entry for the contest. Good luck in the contest. I determined that crunching leaves was a metaphor for distraction. Thank you for sharing
Comment Written 08-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2018
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Pamusart, thank you so much for taking the time to review my haiku poem. Your comments were very much appreciated. ~DD
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
I loved this Haiku, I can identify with these words, walking alone, thinking but hearing the crunch of the leaves under foot which gently breaks up thoughts and soothes, good luck with the contest, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2018
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I loved this Haiku, I can identify with these words, walking alone, thinking but hearing the crunch of the leaves under foot which gently breaks up thoughts and soothes, good luck with the contest, love Dolly x
Comment Written 08-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2018
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Dolly, thank you so much for taking the time to review my haiku poem and for your appreciation of it. Your comments were very much appreciated. ~DD
