When Blood Collides
Viewing comments for Chapter 60 "Finding Adventures Close By"A family's love is tested.
23 total reviews
Comment from Curly Girly
Well, I'm looking forward to hearing about their important events....
I enjoyed this chapter and found myself smiling!
Great descriptions.
Typos:
the offerings are tasty
The offerings are tasty
country- western
country-western
"Two thousand eight,
"Two thousand AND eight,
Nichole was dubious about getting a tarot card reading.... I think she is wise!
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2015
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Well, I'm looking forward to hearing about their important events....
I enjoyed this chapter and found myself smiling!
Great descriptions.
Typos:
the offerings are tasty
The offerings are tasty
country- western
country-western
"Two thousand eight,
"Two thousand AND eight,
Nichole was dubious about getting a tarot card reading.... I think she is wise!
Comment Written 17-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2015
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Thanks, Nicole, for catching spags that others didn't. Glad you got some smiles out of this. Best compliment ever.
Comment from barkingdog
That went better than expected. You found things for them to do and there weren't any major arguments. I guess keeping busy was the key.
Karaoke sounded like fun so did the Toucan puppet.
:) e
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reply by the author on 18-Oct-2015
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That went better than expected. You found things for them to do and there weren't any major arguments. I guess keeping busy was the key.
Karaoke sounded like fun so did the Toucan puppet.
:) e
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2015
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The secret was putting them at a hotel where we could all get away from each other. LOL
Comment from Jay Squires
I thoroughly enjoy your leveled, but easy to read biography, Shari. This can only come with year after year of work and the resulting easy confidence in your writing.
"Look at the size of this kitchen, Jeff," she squealed. That, and the unassuming electric golf cart caught her eye too. [Beginning the next sentence with that jars me since it seems to connect it with the squeal. I think it works better to start it with "The unassuming ..." etc. Just an observation, though.]
He loved to go where low life hang out. [Unless you want to have "where low life hang out" in quotes or italicized, you need to make "hang" the past tense.]
An important event happened to each one of them in the meantime. [I love your mini-cliffhangers that don't spell disaster, but do push the interest button.
Good job, Shari.
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reply by the author on 18-Oct-2015
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I thoroughly enjoy your leveled, but easy to read biography, Shari. This can only come with year after year of work and the resulting easy confidence in your writing.
"Look at the size of this kitchen, Jeff," she squealed. That, and the unassuming electric golf cart caught her eye too. [Beginning the next sentence with that jars me since it seems to connect it with the squeal. I think it works better to start it with "The unassuming ..." etc. Just an observation, though.]
He loved to go where low life hang out. [Unless you want to have "where low life hang out" in quotes or italicized, you need to make "hang" the past tense.]
An important event happened to each one of them in the meantime. [I love your mini-cliffhangers that don't spell disaster, but do push the interest button.
Good job, Shari.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2015
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2015
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You're so right about starting a sentence with that. It jarred me when I wrote it. The change was so obvious. Caught the others now and revised. :-)