THE TRINING Book Three
Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "Muddy Knees & Brief Shallow Graves"JOURNEY INTO REDEMPTION
27 total reviews
Comment from royowen
Your usual articulate and creative work Jay, you are very at the various by play with characters, and very good at descriptions and the scribing of thoughts and emotions going on! The burying of the victims was well done, and the development and maturing within the narrative is extremely good, great episode, blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Your usual articulate and creative work Jay, you are very at the various by play with characters, and very good at descriptions and the scribing of thoughts and emotions going on! The burying of the victims was well done, and the development and maturing within the narrative is extremely good, great episode, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Thank you for your kind words, Roy. You are quite encouraging. Blessings.
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Well done, and my pleasure
Comment from Alcaide
I am totally lost, but I know good writing when I read it. And this is good writing. I only have two suggestions:
"(,)that apparently went down with Rain Spirit II,--this phrase needs to be set apart with commas.
Zarbs was not aware of my spying on him. -- "on him" seems redundant to me, as you have already stated this.
Best of luck
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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I am totally lost, but I know good writing when I read it. And this is good writing. I only have two suggestions:
"(,)that apparently went down with Rain Spirit II,--this phrase needs to be set apart with commas.
Zarbs was not aware of my spying on him. -- "on him" seems redundant to me, as you have already stated this.
Best of luck
Comment Written 29-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Thank you, Alcaide, for your kindness with this review. I'll take a look at the redundancy and fix the missing commas (It may be tomorrow though).
Comment from Sankey
Good read, glad you are back with this great story.Sentence way too long...here is the suggested change and spag pickup. If, or until(-,) I knew for certain, these three: Jed, Karule and Erel, for their mix of courage, weakness and heroism,(.) (T)that was probably a representative mix of all the soldiers, would be buried as a symbol of all the dead unknowns.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Good read, glad you are back with this great story.Sentence way too long...here is the suggested change and spag pickup. If, or until(-,) I knew for certain, these three: Jed, Karule and Erel, for their mix of courage, weakness and heroism,(.) (T)that was probably a representative mix of all the soldiers, would be buried as a symbol of all the dead unknowns.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Much appreciated, Geoff. I gather you don't like long sentences? LOL, I have been known to string together more words than a lungful of air can support. I'll take a look at that one. Thanks for bringing it to my attention.
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It is a bad habit. Our Missionaries do it all the time,sigh. I tear them apart for transferring to the church web site!😁
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Jay...
Nice touch having Doctrex stressing to take extra care with the fallen comrades, as well as leaving them in a safe place 'til they can be tended to properly.
Something tells me is isn't going to remain quiet for long.
Good chapter.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'.... Jax (*:*)
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Hi, Jay...
Nice touch having Doctrex stressing to take extra care with the fallen comrades, as well as leaving them in a safe place 'til they can be tended to properly.
Something tells me is isn't going to remain quiet for long.
Good chapter.
Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'.... Jax (*:*)
Comment Written 29-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Hey, Jax. I was gonna send you a private message today, asking where the heck you've been. Thanks for sticking your head out of the water long enough to shout out your approval of this chapter. Now get busy.
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Thx...(*<*)
Finally got the Kindle kinks worked out as best as one can with poetry. What a challenge that I do NOT want to repeat any time soon.
Kindle doesn't go by pages, so you can't line your poetry up correctly.
However, I'm proud that mine turned out pretty darn good compared to some others I researched, who didn't take the time to edit very well.
No way can you get every page perfect, but at least mine has breaks in it // color coding even, so it's an easy read.
Appreciate your wondering where I've been----buried. Yikes!
I have a Gabe chapter ready to go tomorrow. Too tired to post it tonight.
Cheers...
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Oh---thx!
You gave me a pump AND a banner! (*,*)
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I do what I can!
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I understand.
Comment from Sis Cat
Exceptional writing blends sharp dialogue, poetic descriptions, and kinetic action in such a way that they propel me to read on. I enjoyed this chapter the most because I finally sank into the story and the characters. Although this book is a fantasy, I enjoyed the grittiness and the reality of war you portray on a personal level. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Exceptional writing blends sharp dialogue, poetic descriptions, and kinetic action in such a way that they propel me to read on. I enjoyed this chapter the most because I finally sank into the story and the characters. Although this book is a fantasy, I enjoyed the grittiness and the reality of war you portray on a personal level. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Hey, Sis Cat. We're gonna have to stop meeting like this. Bite your tongue, Jay! I'm so happy to have a new member of FanStory reading the last several chapters, as well as, I think, The Mumph thing.
Comment from sibhus
Well, Jay I read this twice, looking for spags, because that's what good reviewers do, but honestly I couldn't find anything. A well written chapter with an ease of flow, which makes for an enjoyable read. Sorry, I'm going to have to go back and get caught up on this. This chapter is good, like I said good flow with a professional feel to it and the dialogue seems authentic and nature. Best of all, I liked the characters.
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reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Well, Jay I read this twice, looking for spags, because that's what good reviewers do, but honestly I couldn't find anything. A well written chapter with an ease of flow, which makes for an enjoyable read. Sorry, I'm going to have to go back and get caught up on this. This chapter is good, like I said good flow with a professional feel to it and the dialogue seems authentic and nature. Best of all, I liked the characters.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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Thanks for your kind words and encouragement, Sibhus. I am thrilled it resonated with you.
Comment from Donovan
This is a good story. It holds my intrigue and though, I think, because it gets read in such gaps, hard to keep everyone straight, it is easy to follow. There are some interesting personality developments...Doctrex putting doubt in Zarb's mind and Zarb wondering. All good. In one sentence you say. ...I remember once when we decamped for the night and were readying for sleep... I thought decamp means to leave camp quickly or secretly...which, if it does, would mean they would not be readying for sleep. Always a great job.
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reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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This is a good story. It holds my intrigue and though, I think, because it gets read in such gaps, hard to keep everyone straight, it is easy to follow. There are some interesting personality developments...Doctrex putting doubt in Zarb's mind and Zarb wondering. All good. In one sentence you say. ...I remember once when we decamped for the night and were readying for sleep... I thought decamp means to leave camp quickly or secretly...which, if it does, would mean they would not be readying for sleep. Always a great job.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2015
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You are astute, Donovan, my friend. Thank you, first of all, for reading this and your lovely thoughts ... but thank you for saving the embarrassment of having my ignorance distributed out to the next four days of readers. So far ... 3 reviews and you are the only one to have seen what was immediately changed to "encamped". If you don't tell, I won't. LOL, thanks again, Donovan.