THE TRINING Book Three
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "SOLDIER'S PERFUMED INTESTINES (Pt 1)"JOURNEY INTO REDEMPTION
28 total reviews
Comment from kimdebfred
excellent story. Your book has 26 chapters? It is hard for me to just get to twenty. But I enjoyed it. It was very well written. it was something I would enjoy reading over and over again.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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excellent story. Your book has 26 chapters? It is hard for me to just get to twenty. But I enjoyed it. It was very well written. it was something I would enjoy reading over and over again.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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I can't think of two better compliments you could give me than to tell me it was something you'd enjoy reading over and over again ... and then to back up your high praise with the "order of the Chartreuse cross" after those five blazing stars. To which you say, "The lad can't stop yakking, can he!"
Thank you my friend!
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you are welcome.
Comment from amahra
Good chapter, wish I learned more. Nice suspense.
In his last speech, Doctrex said he was sorry that he didn't know the names of all of his men. It seems nobody remembers the guy who fell off his animal.
(of the kind issued to the Advance Intelligence Men to be taken as a last resort if torture became so intense they feared they might divulge sensitive information). [I think you can cut this down a bit. To: (issued to Advance Intelligence Men to stop torture before revealing sensitive information)or something of that nature. Or maybe I'm nick picking. Smile
OMG, that is awesome the way you sneaked that in (I mean nothing, there were no contents in this man's abdomen.
Wow, Braims is hearing voices. It sounds like some kind of magical war far going on here. This is some strange stuff. Can't wait to find out.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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Good chapter, wish I learned more. Nice suspense.
In his last speech, Doctrex said he was sorry that he didn't know the names of all of his men. It seems nobody remembers the guy who fell off his animal.
(of the kind issued to the Advance Intelligence Men to be taken as a last resort if torture became so intense they feared they might divulge sensitive information). [I think you can cut this down a bit. To: (issued to Advance Intelligence Men to stop torture before revealing sensitive information)or something of that nature. Or maybe I'm nick picking. Smile
OMG, that is awesome the way you sneaked that in (I mean nothing, there were no contents in this man's abdomen.
Wow, Braims is hearing voices. It sounds like some kind of magical war far going on here. This is some strange stuff. Can't wait to find out.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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Things are definitely heating up, Ama. Good point on the "List of Characters" in the Author's notes. Isn't it funny how I just toss that stuff off like it doesn't matter anyway... and of course it matters a great deal. I'll take a close look at that, Ama, and thanks for pointing it out.
Comment from Fridayauthor
Good follow up to the first part of this chapter. Well written.
He giggled and immediately reddened, (Sorry, I don't like giggled.)
He smiled in spite of himself, and reddened with embarrassment,
Perhaps, in difference to a newer reader, occasional character reminders would help to inst ill identification.
Medic Braims did so and so, or General...
for whatever the reason, his heart stopped. (This sounds ludicrous in view of no blood in his body!)
Wouldn't rumor be more rampant with something like this?
"And it terrified him." Point of view... Doctrex may think this, but he can't know. He's making assumptions and stating them as fact.
Don't mean to be picky...
Good writing!
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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Good follow up to the first part of this chapter. Well written.
He giggled and immediately reddened, (Sorry, I don't like giggled.)
He smiled in spite of himself, and reddened with embarrassment,
Perhaps, in difference to a newer reader, occasional character reminders would help to inst ill identification.
Medic Braims did so and so, or General...
for whatever the reason, his heart stopped. (This sounds ludicrous in view of no blood in his body!)
Wouldn't rumor be more rampant with something like this?
"And it terrified him." Point of view... Doctrex may think this, but he can't know. He's making assumptions and stating them as fact.
Don't mean to be picky...
Good writing!
Comment Written 19-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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You do too mean to be picky! You love bringing me down from genius to craftsman! LOL, A sincere thank you, Ray! Perhaps it's not even a heart. What if it's kind of a battery operated thingy.
Hey,I don't know what you mean about "occasional character reminders".
I'll check into the POV thing, but I went back and re-read it and I don't see it as anything more than speculation. How about if he said something like "And I'd be willing to bet the full success of our army's venture that he was terrified." (Or, "And it terrified him. I'd be willing to bet the success of our mission on that.")
Huh?
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By character reminder, I mean identifier. As the author, you know who the person is dead-on, but the reader might have to stop to remember when name only is given. Just a simple title every so often doesn't hurt, and might fix the name and their position more firmly in the reader's mind.
Off to watch Peyton Manning, as soon as Arizona wins.
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I thought at first you were going to say, "off to watch Payton Place.
Comment from royowen
Wow, the young man died without any blood or any evidence that he had eaten recently, you can understand why the men are restless and a little disturbed, all sorts of speculative thoughts come to mind, it sort of short circuits the impressive speech that Doctrex made earlier! Well done, Braims is an intelligent and likeable cove! Well done and written Jay, blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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Wow, the young man died without any blood or any evidence that he had eaten recently, you can understand why the men are restless and a little disturbed, all sorts of speculative thoughts come to mind, it sort of short circuits the impressive speech that Doctrex made earlier! Well done, Braims is an intelligent and likeable cove! Well done and written Jay, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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Thanks, again, Roy. I'm happy you are enjoying this chapter as well. Blessings to you, friend.
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Welcome, Jay,
Comment from kiwijenny
Oooooo this weird..no blood...no horse...crossan that he was seted on...weird.like he plummeted from beyond...no one knew him either ...just familiar...weird and now a doctor hears voices
Hook and intrigue
God bless
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reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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Oooooo this weird..no blood...no horse...crossan that he was seted on...weird.like he plummeted from beyond...no one knew him either ...just familiar...weird and now a doctor hears voices
Hook and intrigue
God bless
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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God bless you, Jenny. I'm glad you liked this chapter. Strange things happen when you deal with magic. Ask Marris! Thanks for hanging in here, Jenny!
Comment from lancellot
I must say your writing is very crisp and you editing great. Do you use a program or is all from your head. I like human speech patterns and pauses. Very authentic. I may steal some of this. :)
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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I must say your writing is very crisp and you editing great. Do you use a program or is all from your head. I like human speech patterns and pauses. Very authentic. I may steal some of this. :)
Comment Written 19-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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First of all, thank you sooooo much for the sixer, friend. I don't know of a program ... or I might be tempted. I use Scrivener, but that's more organizational. Anyway, your kindness touches me. I work very hard at trying to keep the speech patterns authentic.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Mysterious happenings are already striking the soldiers. This can't be good. I guess they have no defense against this, do they. This is another good post.
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reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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Mysterious happenings are already striking the soldiers. This can't be good. I guess they have no defense against this, do they. This is another good post.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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Thank you, Barbara, once again. The next chapter will go into defensive maneuvers.
Comment from granny goes viral
Just for "Darkly pensive". And because I liked the imagery in this one. And because I read it, without trying to really understand it. Just read it. Of course I like to read about autopsies. With pink flowers yet.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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Just for "Darkly pensive". And because I liked the imagery in this one. And because I read it, without trying to really understand it. Just read it. Of course I like to read about autopsies. With pink flowers yet.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2014
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Thank you Granny! See, you can always read along loosely just for the love of the prose, LOL. I appreciate the 6 stars, too! I'm just a kid at heart and 6-ers are my toys!
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Really Perfumed Intestines...how could I not read this? I am really widening my interests.
Thanks to some good writers on here.