THE TRINING Book Three
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "LIEUTENANTS DOWN! (Pt.1)"JOURNEY INTO REDEMPTION
30 total reviews
Comment from Drew Delaney
As I've mentioned before, I am not into Fantasy Fiction. But I wanted to read a published author. If my interests rest in good writing skills, it's worth my time to read.
I enjoyed the skills you have used. I thought the question mark in the middle of a sentence was excellent. I tried that and it was misunderstood in one of my chapters. With more experience and knowledge of rules, you can attempt such things.
I enjoyed this chapter. It's a fine line between being good and real good. I think you are real good at what you do. Drew
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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As I've mentioned before, I am not into Fantasy Fiction. But I wanted to read a published author. If my interests rest in good writing skills, it's worth my time to read.
I enjoyed the skills you have used. I thought the question mark in the middle of a sentence was excellent. I tried that and it was misunderstood in one of my chapters. With more experience and knowledge of rules, you can attempt such things.
I enjoyed this chapter. It's a fine line between being good and real good. I think you are real good at what you do. Drew
Comment Written 12-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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Drew, are so kind with your comments. I'm glad you enjoyed what you read. I hope you will try a few more chapters.
Comment from kiwijenny
Another great chapter...I hated reviewing while eating ha! But my hubby has just gotten a smoker ,,,and we had ribs,..I digress...poor poor soldiers
Dysentery like symptoms ....yikes
God bless
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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Another great chapter...I hated reviewing while eating ha! But my hubby has just gotten a smoker ,,,and we had ribs,..I digress...poor poor soldiers
Dysentery like symptoms ....yikes
God bless
Comment Written 12-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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Especially not a good chapter to eat during. Thanks, Jenny. God Bless you.
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:o)
Comment from GWHARGIS
I don't think I've ever been riveted to a book while reading about diarrhea and vomiting. Who knew it cold be so entertaining? Good use of impending outbreak, with this ebola scare in the back of my mind to keep me rooting for the good guys. Great job. Gretchen
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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I don't think I've ever been riveted to a book while reading about diarrhea and vomiting. Who knew it cold be so entertaining? Good use of impending outbreak, with this ebola scare in the back of my mind to keep me rooting for the good guys. Great job. Gretchen
Comment Written 12-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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Hahaha, Gretchen. This chapter had been written well before the Ebola scare came on the scene, but don't think I didn't consider it when I was preparing it for the post. Thank you so much for the Ultimate FS award. The rivitation award! I really do appreciate your validation.
Comment from c_lucas
Dysentery is the rough form of Diarrhea. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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Dysentery is the rough form of Diarrhea. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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Thank you, Charlie. That was just speculation, though.
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You're welcome, Jay. Charlie
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I am wondering what these men have. I hope they drink the water. It seems to be the cure. I am waiting to see what happens next.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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I am wondering what these men have. I hope they drink the water. It seems to be the cure. I am waiting to see what happens next.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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Thank you, Barbara. "Something" of an explanation will be coming within the next several chapters.
Comment from Twilightspire
Oh, that can't be good. They have to deal with a guerilla army, an evil wizard, treacherous weather and now a sickness? Good grief, Jay, when you dump on your characters you don't pull any punches. :D
You did a fantastic job keeping up with the descriptions in this chapter. It was easy to picture the brother's sickness and Braims darting around the medic's tent tending to them. Excellent work, my friend.
-T.J.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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Oh, that can't be good. They have to deal with a guerilla army, an evil wizard, treacherous weather and now a sickness? Good grief, Jay, when you dump on your characters you don't pull any punches. :D
You did a fantastic job keeping up with the descriptions in this chapter. It was easy to picture the brother's sickness and Braims darting around the medic's tent tending to them. Excellent work, my friend.
-T.J.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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Thank you, T.J. for reading and enjoying it. Yes, I was kinda proud of Braims' development as a character. He's the kind of doctor we probably wouldn't want to have, but would be lucky to have. Appreciate you, T.J.
Comment from amahra
What else is going to happen to these poor men. Food poisoning. I just had that myself a few days ago. So I know the feeling. But drinking water and vomiting is the best remedy. Another fine chapter; very realistic dialogue. Good job.
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reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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What else is going to happen to these poor men. Food poisoning. I just had that myself a few days ago. So I know the feeling. But drinking water and vomiting is the best remedy. Another fine chapter; very realistic dialogue. Good job.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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Thanks, Ama. I wasn't sure what the best remedy would be. We don't know yet whether it is food poisoning. Glad to have you reading this.
Comment from Fridayauthor
Nicely written chapter with a new twist introduced. I'm trying to get a handle on the sequence of time and who is on the move and who remains.
He speaks of being in the medic's tent, so apparently he isn't moving forward but the others are exhausted from the march. I guess I'm confused.
I'd like to see him shocked immediately when he first sees the sick men. It would be a good lead in to treating them, heightening the tension. Also, perhpas more early questioning of the cause instead of just getting them to drink water.
Still, a very good chapter!
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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Nicely written chapter with a new twist introduced. I'm trying to get a handle on the sequence of time and who is on the move and who remains.
He speaks of being in the medic's tent, so apparently he isn't moving forward but the others are exhausted from the march. I guess I'm confused.
I'd like to see him shocked immediately when he first sees the sick men. It would be a good lead in to treating them, heightening the tension. Also, perhpas more early questioning of the cause instead of just getting them to drink water.
Still, a very good chapter!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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I had mentioned Doctrex and his men had left the brothers' camp five days earlier. And in the chapter when they left that camp, he had instructed the brothers to follow after them in (I'd have to check it, but I think it was...)two days. Meanwhile the other units on either side of Doctrex are starting to zero in on The plain of Dzur.
Did you read the chapter before this where Doctrex was injured? that was why in this current chapter he is saying the brothers will have to meet him in the medic's tent. He needed to lie down. But, yes, it was anticipated that the brothers' troops would have been resting and recuperating a few days before ALL of them would head out.
Ray, he was shocked when he first saw them. I went into about 3 or 4 paragraphs of description, comparing then and now.
I have a hunch you missed a chapter, Ray. All those tennis tournaments and your own recuperation from vacation. LOL, thanks for reading. Glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from Writingfundimension
As always, a terrific read. Today I can give you a proper six! The descriptions, though gross (LoL) bring the reader inside this crisis. I wonder what kind of illness the soldier's have contacted and how? Have to wait until the next chapter to find out.
:) Bev
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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As always, a terrific read. Today I can give you a proper six! The descriptions, though gross (LoL) bring the reader inside this crisis. I wonder what kind of illness the soldier's have contacted and how? Have to wait until the next chapter to find out.
:) Bev
Comment Written 12-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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Thank you, Bev. I am so thrilled with the six. There will be more on the illness in the next two chapters. Again, thanks for your kindness.
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You're most welcome. :) Bev
Comment from Goodauthor
As hard as it is for you, I want to sit up and drink this water." I want you to sit up and drink this water. All they need following the attack of the Pomnots, is a threatening epidemic of some kind. This is really getting good.
I have included the originals in the last two chapters to add clarity to the situation.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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As hard as it is for you, I want to sit up and drink this water." I want you to sit up and drink this water. All they need following the attack of the Pomnots, is a threatening epidemic of some kind. This is really getting good.
I have included the originals in the last two chapters to add clarity to the situation.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2014
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2014
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Linda, Linda, Linda! Thank you for catching that! I've gone back and corrected it. Those are the things I don't wait for the final review to take care of.
What's the title of that new chapter?(or better yet, send me the link for it. I'll take a look at it.)
Thanks again for the 6 stars!!!
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Chapter 4 is: A Shooting in the Alley.