THE TRINING Book Three
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "THE METAMORPH'S RETURN (PT. 1)"JOURNEY INTO REDEMPTION
26 total reviews
Comment from Walter L. Jones
Work the twist and turn, are we there yet, signs upon the mind, this way home, costs only, fight for your existence, as writers we hold mirrors and play reflection on pages of story yet to come, enjoying once again your work.. Walt
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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Work the twist and turn, are we there yet, signs upon the mind, this way home, costs only, fight for your existence, as writers we hold mirrors and play reflection on pages of story yet to come, enjoying once again your work.. Walt
Comment Written 29-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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"are we there yet" you are too funny Walt. Thanks for the 6. Always appreciated. Figured if anyone could understand his disjointed death rambling in the first scene, it would be you. Thanks, my friend.
Comment from Fridayauthor
Very good writing, Jay, with detailed descriptions. I can see now why the one and a half dive was made.
I'm a little unclear about the ability of a reader to pick up book three without a lot more background knowledge. I guess it comes with the territory of series books. Is there some general rule about what needs repeating? I know,I'd never dare to try and write this way but I see a lot of it on this site. It's almost like writing one incredibly long book.
From a marketing standpoint, none of the parts would be saleable without the entire series, would they?
In any event, good job on this part!
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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Very good writing, Jay, with detailed descriptions. I can see now why the one and a half dive was made.
I'm a little unclear about the ability of a reader to pick up book three without a lot more background knowledge. I guess it comes with the territory of series books. Is there some general rule about what needs repeating? I know,I'd never dare to try and write this way but I see a lot of it on this site. It's almost like writing one incredibly long book.
From a marketing standpoint, none of the parts would be saleable without the entire series, would they?
In any event, good job on this part!
Comment Written 29-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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Thanks, Ray. I'm as in the dark as you about the series book. I wonder if there's a resource that explains it in more detail. Each should be a standalone book, but ... I just don't know.
Comment from c_lucas
It look4 as if Doctrex has returned in good order. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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It look4 as if Doctrex has returned in good order. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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Thanks, Charlie, for your kindness.
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You're welcome. Jay. Charlie
Comment from jaeladarling
Nice chapter to start this book off with! Reads well and has some good dialogue and internal thinking. Really enjoyed this one.
I have a few nits below, but I also wanted to add that there are several instances of having a comma after "And". I can see where you're coming from with them, but they're a little distracting and unnecessary. Totally up to you, but my suggestion is to remove them. :)
Anyway, good work on this one! Looking forward to the next.
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"shimmering vast blackness" (Comma after "blackness")
"growing louder and closer" (Comma after "closer")
"And, at times this something" (Remove the comma or add one after "times")
"go on to say There" (Lowercase "there" or put a comma after "say" and put "There is no Axtilla" in quotes.)
"Well, let's do it?" (Change the question mark to a comma)
as much enthusiasm as I could." (You've got an extra quotation mark there.)
"you are doing your job--as your General," (The dash should be a comma)
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reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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Nice chapter to start this book off with! Reads well and has some good dialogue and internal thinking. Really enjoyed this one.
I have a few nits below, but I also wanted to add that there are several instances of having a comma after "And". I can see where you're coming from with them, but they're a little distracting and unnecessary. Totally up to you, but my suggestion is to remove them. :)
Anyway, good work on this one! Looking forward to the next.
********
"shimmering vast blackness" (Comma after "blackness")
"growing louder and closer" (Comma after "closer")
"And, at times this something" (Remove the comma or add one after "times")
"go on to say There" (Lowercase "there" or put a comma after "say" and put "There is no Axtilla" in quotes.)
"Well, let's do it?" (Change the question mark to a comma)
as much enthusiasm as I could." (You've got an extra quotation mark there.)
"you are doing your job--as your General," (The dash should be a comma)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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Thanks, Jaela, for reading this. Thanks also for the detailed analysis. I took care of the [--] "before as your General". And, I'll check out "There is no Axtilla." Most will wait for edit after the post drops. Thanks again.
Comment from Goodauthor
I like this shift. It has a sense of humor. It is a well written, excellently told beginning to a new adventure. I can't wait to read the next installment. I think when
I added, enjoying a little inside joke with myself, "but, just as you are doing your job--as your General, I'm going to do my job. We are going to be leaving just as soon as I get dressed and get on my crossan." This is but a suggestion. . . . I don't really like the use of the Em--dash unless it is done to express extreme contrast, therefore, I think the ellipse. . . would work better in this case. Good work.
Linda
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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I like this shift. It has a sense of humor. It is a well written, excellently told beginning to a new adventure. I can't wait to read the next installment. I think when
I added, enjoying a little inside joke with myself, "but, just as you are doing your job--as your General, I'm going to do my job. We are going to be leaving just as soon as I get dressed and get on my crossan." This is but a suggestion. . . . I don't really like the use of the Em--dash unless it is done to express extreme contrast, therefore, I think the ellipse. . . would work better in this case. Good work.
Linda
Comment Written 29-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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Many thanks for the 6 stars, Linda, and the advise on the double dash. I'll certainly look into that. Thanks again.
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You're welcome.
Comment from onebrit
I suppose I keep popping into and out of this book, and so sometimes I miss things that are important. Its hard to keep up with so many chapters of so many different books. I need a whole day to do that! Again excellent writing and good dialogue.
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reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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I suppose I keep popping into and out of this book, and so sometimes I miss things that are important. Its hard to keep up with so many chapters of so many different books. I need a whole day to do that! Again excellent writing and good dialogue.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2014
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First of all, I'm just glad you stopped by and read it. Actually, it is the first chapter of Book III, but it would be difficult to get a full understanding of what's going on without some background information. If you read the last chapter of Book II (the one that just preceded this, you'd see he took his life by jumping off a bridge (but he did it with class)! If you read the last paragraphs only (that were at the top of this new chapter) you'd get a good feel for what happened. Again, thanks! You know, this book will clear up a lot of questions if you choose to read it further.