Comment from Acquired Taste

Exceptional

This is fabulous - and until I read your author notes I was sure Mike had come back to the site and left his mark. I will have to let him know - Danforth has spawned another soul that requires a permanent room number.

I hope Raoul has clean sheets prepared for this visitor.

AT=/

 Comment Written 26-Sep-2014

---

reply by the author on 26-Sep-2014

Heh-heh, I hope Raoul does too, Jean. I think he's gonna need 'em, LOL...

Thanks so much for the wonderful rating and fun review.

I truly appreciate it. :}

reply by Acquired Taste on 26-Sep-2014

Just voted and also sent Mike the link - hope he stops by...

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

terrific presentation of your poem - boy, will you have fun with Halloween :-)
solid rhyming couplets
peeing, public exposure, farting - Dean!!! LOL
strong cadence, vivid visuals, excellent use of alliteration
well, it was funny until the guy started gutting everybody :-) all that yucky blood, all those dead bodies...
Her address, how foreboding Brooke

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 26-Sep-2014

---

reply by the author on 26-Sep-2014

Well, Brooke...crazy is as crazy does, right? LOL...


Thanks so much for your fun and enthusiastic review, my friend.

Comment from Domino 2

Excellent

I knew this could only be by one person, so I checked your portfolio to confirm, my friend. :-)

Jeez - is that nutter in the pic at the bottom scary or what?

Couple of very minor meter suggs:

1st line - [doomed doc'] as one syllable too many which blows the meter
9th line - [came 'round] - same reason as above.
11th line - delete 'there', and I suggest, to lose the extra syllable - 'in pails of sticky blood'
12th line needs some work
13th line - 'that's all that I permit'

There is 'unusual', but this guy is completely bonkers, and your taking on his role is both scary and hilarious throughout.

If I were Miss Wright, I'd catch the next shuttle to the moon - one way! :-)

VERY entertaining.

Good luck and best wishes, Ray.



This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 26-Sep-2014

---

reply by the author on 26-Sep-2014

Hah-hah, thank you, Rayman. I wasn't going to enter this contest, then I thought, "What the hell...why not?" So, I began writing the poem with about twelve minutes to spare to get it in in time before the deadline was up. I managed to get it done in ten minutes, so i got in with just over a minute and a half to spare!

How's that for letting a prompt cause your imagination to run away with you, h-m-m-m-m, LOL?

I've made some edits, and thanks for the very kind review. :}

reply by Domino 2 on 26-Sep-2014

That's much better.

You now have both 'pails' (another word for buckets') AND 'buckets', so suggest you delete 'buckets'.

reply by the author on 26-Sep-2014

:}

reply by the author on 26-Sep-2014

Oh, wait...I thought I had deleted "bucket". You mean it's still showing up!?

I best go and check...