Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 70 "Cancega Moon"Murder Mystery
42 total reviews
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is an excellent ending to your long journey, writingfundimension, and I was with you all the way. I look forward to our next journey. I wonder where you'll take us.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
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this is an excellent ending to your long journey, writingfundimension, and I was with you all the way. I look forward to our next journey. I wonder where you'll take us.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
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Thank you, Sweet. Yes, you've been following my work for a very long time now, and I appreciate it so very much. Thank you for being so supportive and generous. :) Bev
Comment from judiverse
Great statements about what happened to each of the characters. I think they did right in withholding the information about Rick's involvement, as he had been a good officer until he kidnapped Danika. Jana's action of cutting off her braid was interesting. Glad that Tony and Agnes will be back home. Father Brian deserves peace after the torment he was put through. I think you might want to try presenting your conclusion maybe through the eyes of a particular person (maybe Jana) or have it as the findings of Dresden. The story had so many fireworks, I think you might do more than just tell what happened to the different characters. Something to think about. judi
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
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Great statements about what happened to each of the characters. I think they did right in withholding the information about Rick's involvement, as he had been a good officer until he kidnapped Danika. Jana's action of cutting off her braid was interesting. Glad that Tony and Agnes will be back home. Father Brian deserves peace after the torment he was put through. I think you might want to try presenting your conclusion maybe through the eyes of a particular person (maybe Jana) or have it as the findings of Dresden. The story had so many fireworks, I think you might do more than just tell what happened to the different characters. Something to think about. judi
Comment Written 29-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
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Judi, thank you very much for your insights and review. I did consider doing another chapter, but at 70, I needed to end it at some point. An epilogue is likely not in the picture long-term as that's not what publishers would look for.
I appreciate all your support, generosity and encouragement.
Have a great weekend.
Bev
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Hi, Bev. You're so welcome. I wasn't suggesting another chapter or epilogue but maybe punch it up a bit with maybe having a character giving his or her thoughts about the aftermath, with the same things you suggested but a more personal approach to what happened to everyone. Maybe the answer lies with Jana cutting off her braid. judi
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Thanks again, Judi. I like your suggestion and will definitely consider it as I go through the editing process. Take care, Bev
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You're so welcome. Editing I'm sure can be more difficult than the writing. Best of luck with it, and keep us posted on your results. It's been a thriller to read. judi
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I will let my 'regulars' know when and if I ever get to the point I'm publishing. It's going to have some changes in the final product -- fewer chapters and even some new ones. Editing is a different animal altogether. I'm lucky to have a good one to work with.
Thanks for the wishes and support!
:) Bev
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You're so welcome, and best of luck. Sounds like you have an agent, so that's good. I suspect the seasoned professionals rely on them quite a bit. judi
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You're so welcome, and best of luck. Sounds like you have an agent, so that's good. I suspect the seasoned professionals rely on them quite a bit. judi
Comment from boxergirl
Yea! Great job, Bev. I am so glad that I was able to follow this journey with you. The Aftermath ties it all up in a neat little package for all the characters involved. Good luck as you pursue any publishing options that you may have! 8-)
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
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Yea! Great job, Bev. I am so glad that I was able to follow this journey with you. The Aftermath ties it all up in a neat little package for all the characters involved. Good luck as you pursue any publishing options that you may have! 8-)
Comment Written 29-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
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What a gracious wonderful review, BG. I'm so very happy you were able to be along for the journey, too. Your insights, support, generosity and encouragement have meant a lot to me. And thanks so much for the good luck wishes. I'm in good hands with Rama Devi as my editor, so it will not be easy but it will make for a better story. You're da bomb! :) Bev
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No, you da bomb! lol
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hehehehe
Comment from Joan E.
De rien--you are a terrific story teller! Thank you for introducing this final chapter/aftermath with a repeat of Jana's ritual and artfully calling it "Cancega/Drum". I appreciated your tying up of all loose ends and will miss the adventures of your intriguing characters. Cheers- Joan
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
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De rien--you are a terrific story teller! Thank you for introducing this final chapter/aftermath with a repeat of Jana's ritual and artfully calling it "Cancega/Drum". I appreciated your tying up of all loose ends and will miss the adventures of your intriguing characters. Cheers- Joan
Comment Written 29-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
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Joan, your words are magical! Thank you so much for your support, encouragement and interest in my novel. I am now going to have the challenging task of taking my 'baby' apart in order to make it better. I'll be using wonderful reviews like yours to help me in that process. I so appreciate you, my friend. Hope you have a wonderful holiday weekend. Hugs, Bev
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I hope the editing process goes smoothly. I bet you'll be looking for more of the wonderful quotes for found to introduce more chapters. Many thanks for the good wishes--we are back in Northern, California, where we got the internet back. :) -Joan
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Hi, Joan. I enjoy quotes that lead into chapters myself. I think they can set an emotional tone for the writing.
Have a wonderful Labor Day -- were you affected by the quake in Napa?
:) Bev
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Thanks for your concern--no, we passed through the area after the quake and before any significant aftershocks. The forest fire in Happy Camp made for murkiness, but all in all the trip was pleasant. Enjoy the remains of the summer- Joan
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Glad to know you weren't affected too much. I think we're going to be getting about another week of hot weather. Seems we're getting a heat spell in this part of the country. :) Bev
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I suppose the last throes of summer. We just returned home to Malibu, where it is 81 degrees, which is warm for us.
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That sounds divine! :) Bev
Comment from irishauthorme
Expertly written, and expressed! Your skills continue to improve, and I admire your continued quest for the Holy Grail, the perfect novel. Many here at FS throw their creations at us and abhor any suggestions, and thus never improve. You take all comments, and grind them into a grist that fuels your stories. This has been a masterful tale, and while I have been away a lot, I managed to read and keep track of the characters.
Great effort, irish
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
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Expertly written, and expressed! Your skills continue to improve, and I admire your continued quest for the Holy Grail, the perfect novel. Many here at FS throw their creations at us and abhor any suggestions, and thus never improve. You take all comments, and grind them into a grist that fuels your stories. This has been a masterful tale, and while I have been away a lot, I managed to read and keep track of the characters.
Great effort, irish
Comment Written 29-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
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Hello, Irish. Thank you for this really wonderful review! I am honored by your insights and feel very fortunate to have found wonderful fellow writers such as yourself on FanStory. I'm never completely happy with anything I do which is both a curse and a blessing. Something I'm sure you understand. I've appreciated the level of support and suggestions so much. This is such a unique place for a writer to be, and if willing, to grow.
Blessings, Bev
Comment from lindalcreel
I'm sorry to see this story end, but I'm sure you'll be posting something new soon. You did a wonderful job of detailing all of the subplots and pulling them altogether at the end. Kudos and keep up the great work.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
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I'm sorry to see this story end, but I'm sure you'll be posting something new soon. You did a wonderful job of detailing all of the subplots and pulling them altogether at the end. Kudos and keep up the great work.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
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Hi, Lindal. Thank you so much for this awesome review. It's gratifying to know that you felt I pulled things together with this epilogue. That helps a lot!
I truly appreciate all your support and encouragement.
Hugs, Bev
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My pleasure, Bev. Looking forward to the next post.
Comment from Adri7enne
Way to go, tying up all the loose ends, Bev. Now the heavy work begins. Are you thinking of submitting it to a regular publisher? It's a whole, complete novel, with good characters and a darn good story line. It's original and unique in a great many ways. The blending of native American lore with modern forensics is a fascinating idea.
Congratulations, Bev. I'm so sorry I didn't save a six for this final chapter. You've earned a dozen stars for this completed work. Way to go, girl!!!
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
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Way to go, tying up all the loose ends, Bev. Now the heavy work begins. Are you thinking of submitting it to a regular publisher? It's a whole, complete novel, with good characters and a darn good story line. It's original and unique in a great many ways. The blending of native American lore with modern forensics is a fascinating idea.
Congratulations, Bev. I'm so sorry I didn't save a six for this final chapter. You've earned a dozen stars for this completed work. Way to go, girl!!!
Comment Written 29-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
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Adrienne, you've been such a wonderful support for me throughout this very long venture. Your insights and suggestions have helped me become a better writer, and I am in your debt for that.
I am working with Rama Devi to trim, tighten and strengthen the story. It's really too long for the average publishing house, so I've got my work cut out for me. As I'm working on that, I have another novel I'll be posting. I'm vacillating between two, actually.
Your wish for a six is really icing on the cake, my friend. You rock!!
Love, Bev
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Ah, shucks! T'weren't nothin! LOL!
Now the heavy work begins, but it's good to get an objective eye following the intricacies of the story line and giving you good advice. Good luck with it all.
Waiting for the next one. Next! LOL!
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Yes, heavy work indeed. Not easy to let my 'baby' be scrutinized! But Rama is really very good at encouraging while correcting. And she's very reasonable.
How's your queries coming along? I would love to see your sweet, uplifting story available to buy, my friend.
Hugs, Bev
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Ah, Bev, I just love all these final stitches you've woven into this amazing tapestry of a book. Congratulations, my friend. This is a fantastic achievement - one of the best books I've ever read on this site and better than tons I've read off it.
I'm damn sure it will be published, and I expect a signed copy when that happens.
Brilliant work. So proud of you and so proud to know you.
Love Av
xx
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
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Ah, Bev, I just love all these final stitches you've woven into this amazing tapestry of a book. Congratulations, my friend. This is a fantastic achievement - one of the best books I've ever read on this site and better than tons I've read off it.
I'm damn sure it will be published, and I expect a signed copy when that happens.
Brilliant work. So proud of you and so proud to know you.
Love Av
xx
Comment Written 29-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
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Dear Av, thank you seems inadequate to convey how much your many contributions have helped me with this project. From the inspiration of reading your own writing, to the details of tightening the piece, all of it has been absolutely invaluable. You will, most certainly, be one of the first to know if I ever get this puppy published LoL. You're one classy lady, my dear friend.
Love, Bev
Comment from rama devi
Congratulations on the ending chapter, my friend. How interesting to read the ending before finishing the beginning, lol - It gives a new spin on my first read through!
Sounds like a satisfying closing for all.
Good delivery, pacing and sentence mechanics.
Just a couple of minor suggestions:
* Not sure these commas are needed before and after III
Agent Dresden Stredwick, III, delivered his final report in person.
Suggest
Agent Dresden Stredwick III delivered his final report in person.
As you know, I cannot yet comment about the full arc of the plot etc. Will let you know while we go through it slowly.
Love,
rd
*Agnes Longacre would not leave the reservation for the recommended physical therapy sessions(,) stating she would heal faster under the care of her brother and tribal healer, Tony.
Good ending for Edward...at least some good karma cold come to him that way!
Lots of Love, rd
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
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Congratulations on the ending chapter, my friend. How interesting to read the ending before finishing the beginning, lol - It gives a new spin on my first read through!
Sounds like a satisfying closing for all.
Good delivery, pacing and sentence mechanics.
Just a couple of minor suggestions:
* Not sure these commas are needed before and after III
Agent Dresden Stredwick, III, delivered his final report in person.
Suggest
Agent Dresden Stredwick III delivered his final report in person.
As you know, I cannot yet comment about the full arc of the plot etc. Will let you know while we go through it slowly.
Love,
rd
*Agnes Longacre would not leave the reservation for the recommended physical therapy sessions(,) stating she would heal faster under the care of her brother and tribal healer, Tony.
Good ending for Edward...at least some good karma cold come to him that way!
Lots of Love, rd
Comment Written 29-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
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Thanks so much, Rama. As always, good suggestions for changes to make. I love that you remarked about Edward's karma because that's just what I had in mind! Something good will come of it for a deeply troubled soul.
I'm so happy I've got you to help me with getting this novel trimmed and tightened. I am confident that together we will come up with something as near perfect as I can make it.
Love, Bev
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Yes! :-))))) Happy too. Love, rd
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:) xxxxx
Comment from Gargantuan2
Nice wrap-up. I thought I would share that, as a night auditor in a hotel, I had a guest who'd left only 2 weeks ago that had stayed with us over a year... his Name was Morales. Keep on writing, I would love to see more.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
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Nice wrap-up. I thought I would share that, as a night auditor in a hotel, I had a guest who'd left only 2 weeks ago that had stayed with us over a year... his Name was Morales. Keep on writing, I would love to see more.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2014
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2014
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Thanks so much for sharing the irony, G. And I much appreciate your fine, encouraging review. Regards, Bev
