The Voyager
A poem describing myself143 total reviews
Comment from Benny Beeharry
A great plaint to God, from the beginning to the end. I can tell you this not a very easy phase. Whether it takes a life time or just a few minutes, you are being tested. Some will take several life times to arrive here. Nothing will happen to you, you are in Gods hand.he knows everything.
I love this poem and all it says. God , Jesus is in you not outside.
All the blessings.
Benny Beeharry
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2013
  |
A great plaint to God, from the beginning to the end. I can tell you this not a very easy phase. Whether it takes a life time or just a few minutes, you are being tested. Some will take several life times to arrive here. Nothing will happen to you, you are in Gods hand.he knows everything.
I love this poem and all it says. God , Jesus is in you not outside.
All the blessings.
Benny Beeharry
Comment Written 13-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2013
-
Thank you Benny.
Comment from pipersfancy
It's a very interesting poem, one I enjoyed very much upon re-reading.
One minor note on the first stanza: 'He prays that His God' You have not capitalized the other pronouns relating to the Voyager. Since this 'His' refers to the Voyager, and not God, for consistency it should not be capitalized.
The artwork chosen to accompany is an interesting one... depicts a man weary in age and in spirit, longing after something he cannot reach on his own, bent over under the weight of his quest... reminds me a lot of the X of Wands from the Tarot. Makes me want to ask what was gained from the meditation by the tranquil tree? Often, when the spirit surrenders into tranquility, God's voice can be heard.
You mention this is a revision of a work begun three years ago, so I trust that you are much further along on your journey now -
Blessings for the road,
PF
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2013
|
It's a very interesting poem, one I enjoyed very much upon re-reading.
One minor note on the first stanza: 'He prays that His God' You have not capitalized the other pronouns relating to the Voyager. Since this 'His' refers to the Voyager, and not God, for consistency it should not be capitalized.
The artwork chosen to accompany is an interesting one... depicts a man weary in age and in spirit, longing after something he cannot reach on his own, bent over under the weight of his quest... reminds me a lot of the X of Wands from the Tarot. Makes me want to ask what was gained from the meditation by the tranquil tree? Often, when the spirit surrenders into tranquility, God's voice can be heard.
You mention this is a revision of a work begun three years ago, so I trust that you are much further along on your journey now -
Blessings for the road,
PF
Comment Written 13-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2013
-
Thank you Piper.
Comment from Adri7enne
The road back is not an easy one. We know, but we have forgotten, and so we search in rhetoric for new answers. Some good rhyming, but the rhythm is unsteady.
Good courage in your continued journey.
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2013
 |
The road back is not an easy one. We know, but we have forgotten, and so we search in rhetoric for new answers. Some good rhyming, but the rhythm is unsteady.
Good courage in your continued journey.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2013
-
Thank you for your review and your advice Adri.
Comment from chasennov
'The Voyager.' A poem about yourself, yet not a self- analysis and done in excellent formulation. I find it well written and well done.
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2013
|
'The Voyager.' A poem about yourself, yet not a self- analysis and done in excellent formulation. I find it well written and well done.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2013
-
Thank you Chase.
-
You are so welcome, Justin.
Comment from justatuna
I really enjoyed this poem and the message. I understand this search. I found that by not searching, that which I searched for found me. I saw a few punctuation errors that stopped the natural flow. Instead of "false or what is real," perhaps 'from' would work better. Seems to work better, at least for me, and it adds alliteration with the word 'false'. Great job. Be good.
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2013
|
I really enjoyed this poem and the message. I understand this search. I found that by not searching, that which I searched for found me. I saw a few punctuation errors that stopped the natural flow. Instead of "false or what is real," perhaps 'from' would work better. Seems to work better, at least for me, and it adds alliteration with the word 'false'. Great job. Be good.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2013
-
Thank you Just.
Comment from Bill Schott
This is a well-written verse that is also well displayed. The theme is common to anyone that struggles with faith and the image of Pilgrim solidifies the connection with that allegorical tale.
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2013
|
This is a well-written verse that is also well displayed. The theme is common to anyone that struggles with faith and the image of Pilgrim solidifies the connection with that allegorical tale.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2013
-
Thank you Bill.
Comment from adewpearl
good use of abcb rhyme
strong verb choices
nice alliteration in phrases like tranquil tree
intense expression of genuine emotion in this emotionally-charged poem of faith
Brooke
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2013
|
good use of abcb rhyme
strong verb choices
nice alliteration in phrases like tranquil tree
intense expression of genuine emotion in this emotionally-charged poem of faith
Brooke
Comment Written 13-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2013
-
Thank you Brooke.
Comment from Tina McKala
Hello, Justin. This was a good (spiritual) biographical poem. It felt honest in its words and confession. Overall good, solid job.
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2013
|
Hello, Justin. This was a good (spiritual) biographical poem. It felt honest in its words and confession. Overall good, solid job.
Comment Written 13-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2013
-
Thank you Tina.
Comment from linsbm
By just writing out this piece you are already a winner in God's heart. You already seek God's face and that is enough to know that God hears you. Your heart is full of love and ¡m sure God is happy for you. A day of life is always a God's blessings.
Excellent write, candid expressions with artful rendition. Thanks for sharing.} Lin
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2013
|
By just writing out this piece you are already a winner in God's heart. You already seek God's face and that is enough to know that God hears you. Your heart is full of love and ¡m sure God is happy for you. A day of life is always a God's blessings.
Excellent write, candid expressions with artful rendition. Thanks for sharing.} Lin
Comment Written 13-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2013
-
Thank you Lin.
Comment from Mastery
Hello, Justin. Good to see you back. I do remember you as Boz Roz. Perhaps the realistic name change will help you also in finding what you seek so desperately. I liked this stanza the best in your wonderful poem here:
"In my deepest forebodings of fright
Demons surround me and I can't cry.
Jesus, help me, Sweet Jesus because
I don't want to die."
Bravo...Bob (Mastery) Remember me?
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2013
|
Hello, Justin. Good to see you back. I do remember you as Boz Roz. Perhaps the realistic name change will help you also in finding what you seek so desperately. I liked this stanza the best in your wonderful poem here:
"In my deepest forebodings of fright
Demons surround me and I can't cry.
Jesus, help me, Sweet Jesus because
I don't want to die."
Bravo...Bob (Mastery) Remember me?
Comment Written 13-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2013
-
Thank you Bob. And yes I remember you.