Chasing the Elusive Dream
Viewing comments for Chapter 23 "Holiday Drama"A southern couple's journey in the 60's,70's & 80'
30 total reviews
Comment from Carolyn 'Deaton' Stephens
You know , you said it just right. Personalities clash in the best of families. Sometimes maturity takes over, but sometimes grudges are held against each other. It seems that the issue was worked out, but the solidity of the family was strained. You have written this very well Beth, Carolyn
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2013
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You know , you said it just right. Personalities clash in the best of families. Sometimes maturity takes over, but sometimes grudges are held against each other. It seems that the issue was worked out, but the solidity of the family was strained. You have written this very well Beth, Carolyn
Comment Written 16-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2013
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Thank you Carolyn. I really appreciate the reveiw and the nice comments.
Beth
Comment from marion
Hi Beth
Another very enjoyable account of family life. Yes, this was certainly a Christmas that defined family friction.
I liked the conclusion! I think for the best!
A few little things I noticed, but I didn't really look for spag. This is only what was obvious to me as I read to enjoy your post, not mark it.
big shot(.) and he
near my children(s)' ages.
You want (to) fight me?
Let me get your pills. Do we need to get a doctor?(")
I look forward to your next post - as always.
Marion.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2013
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Hi Beth
Another very enjoyable account of family life. Yes, this was certainly a Christmas that defined family friction.
I liked the conclusion! I think for the best!
A few little things I noticed, but I didn't really look for spag. This is only what was obvious to me as I read to enjoy your post, not mark it.
big shot(.) and he
near my children(s)' ages.
You want (to) fight me?
Let me get your pills. Do we need to get a doctor?(")
I look forward to your next post - as always.
Marion.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2013
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Thank you Marion, I appreciate the review and comments. You have a sharp eye and are able to pick up spags even when ;you're not looking.
Beth
Comment from Millibrad
I liked your story. The opening sentence created the suspense that drew me in immediately. The descriptions and interactions of characters and their inevitable conflict held me throughout. I had difficulty keeping all the characters straight and found myself backtracking to keep from getting lost, but definitely well worth the read.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2013
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I liked your story. The opening sentence created the suspense that drew me in immediately. The descriptions and interactions of characters and their inevitable conflict held me throughout. I had difficulty keeping all the characters straight and found myself backtracking to keep from getting lost, but definitely well worth the read.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2013
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Thank you for the review and nice comments and help with the spags. I do proofread several times, but while I am able to see others mistakes, often I seem to read what I thought I'd written. I've make the corrections. If you change the rating I'd like to be able to nominate you for a reviewer award.
Beth
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I'm flattered just knowing my review made a difference. I re read your story and added a star.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
That is a shame. It happens though. Personality clashes. We were lucky to have wonderful family getogethers.I think the story was fine and you needed all the names to tell it.
After all you can't leave anyone out. Well done Beth. Nancy
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2013
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That is a shame. It happens though. Personality clashes. We were lucky to have wonderful family getogethers.I think the story was fine and you needed all the names to tell it.
After all you can't leave anyone out. Well done Beth. Nancy
Comment Written 16-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2013
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Thank you Nancy. I really appreciate the review and the comments. I glad you understand why there were so many characters in this. I usually have only three of four in something this short.
Beth
Comment from humpwhistle
Beth, I believe your instincts are correct. So many people, so much backstory. Also, I keep getting hung up on 'our family'. I take that to mean you, Evan, and your kids, but when you're telling a story about an extended family, you have to be careful how you distinguish. All the people in this story are 'our family' from the readers point of view. You reserve 'our family' to mean your tiny clan, but it is confusing to a reader who doesn't understand that particular nonemclature.
For what it's worth, Beth, I'd boil this story down to the 'story', and gloss over a lot of the family introductions and backstory. Just a thought.
Peace, Lee
Everyone sat around with long faces wearing shocked expressions--Beth, long faces and shocked expressions are very different things. Could it be that some were long faced while others wore shocked expressions?
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2013
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Beth, I believe your instincts are correct. So many people, so much backstory. Also, I keep getting hung up on 'our family'. I take that to mean you, Evan, and your kids, but when you're telling a story about an extended family, you have to be careful how you distinguish. All the people in this story are 'our family' from the readers point of view. You reserve 'our family' to mean your tiny clan, but it is confusing to a reader who doesn't understand that particular nonemclature.
For what it's worth, Beth, I'd boil this story down to the 'story', and gloss over a lot of the family introductions and backstory. Just a thought.
Peace, Lee
Everyone sat around with long faces wearing shocked expressions--Beth, long faces and shocked expressions are very different things. Could it be that some were long faced while others wore shocked expressions?
Comment Written 16-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2013
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Thank you, Lee. You always seem to be able to put your finger on what is wrong with a story. I've addressed a lot of the problems you've mentioned. I'm still working on the back story.
Beth
Comment from cinderbella
Yes, there are a lot of people in this story, and although I had to read some of it the second time to get the names straight(I'm getting old) it really didn't detract from the story.
Above all, I felt this was totally realistic. Even on the most sacred of days, family squabbles can erupt, personalities clash, and long-held grudges can be brought to light.
As usual it is written quite well, and it paints the picture for the reader. :) Sandra
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2013
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Yes, there are a lot of people in this story, and although I had to read some of it the second time to get the names straight(I'm getting old) it really didn't detract from the story.
Above all, I felt this was totally realistic. Even on the most sacred of days, family squabbles can erupt, personalities clash, and long-held grudges can be brought to light.
As usual it is written quite well, and it paints the picture for the reader. :) Sandra
Comment Written 16-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2013
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Thank you, Sandra. I really appreciate the review and the nice comments. I think everyone had to keep looking back at names. I usually try to limit short works to just three or four.
Beth
Comment from joneau2
That's a terrible account of a family squabble, and pretty bad. It's amazing how brainless in-laws can be thinking only of themselves. But that appears to be the way of the world these days. Don't get me wrong, but I go by the saying. "Family and fish stink after one day," in your case, the same day. Too bad.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2013
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That's a terrible account of a family squabble, and pretty bad. It's amazing how brainless in-laws can be thinking only of themselves. But that appears to be the way of the world these days. Don't get me wrong, but I go by the saying. "Family and fish stink after one day," in your case, the same day. Too bad.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2013
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Thank you so much for the review and the comments. Sometimes it only takes one day. In this case there was already bad blood between them.
Beth
Comment from Samuel Dickens
What a terrible holiday experience that was. I want to say, "Can't we all just get along?" but know it often isn't possible. Sometimes I'm glad my relatives are scattered to the four winds.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2013
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What a terrible holiday experience that was. I want to say, "Can't we all just get along?" but know it often isn't possible. Sometimes I'm glad my relatives are scattered to the four winds.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2013
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Thank you Samuel. I really appreciate the review and comments. In large families there is always someone who creates problems.
Beth
Comment from ndadarose
This is a good story about conflict that occurs in families and the conclusion you drew in terms of there being no winners was on target. I did find the names somewhat distracting because I did have to go back and refresh my memory in terms of who was who. I'm glad the problem of family gatherings was worked out. I applaud your honesty!
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reply by the author on 16-Sep-2013
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This is a good story about conflict that occurs in families and the conclusion you drew in terms of there being no winners was on target. I did find the names somewhat distracting because I did have to go back and refresh my memory in terms of who was who. I'm glad the problem of family gatherings was worked out. I applaud your honesty!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2013
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Thank you for the review and comments. I'm going to try to figure out a way to make all the names less distracting.
Beth
Comment from STEPHEN A CARTER
Though interesting and riveting at times, the names are repeated so often that they get in the way especially if every other sentence begins with one.For ex:
"Richard personality clashed with Wayne's...
Richard took exception...
Helen and Maxine also found reasons to dislike him.
On the whole, no SPAG or POV infractions od any importance.
Regards:
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2013
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Though interesting and riveting at times, the names are repeated so often that they get in the way especially if every other sentence begins with one.For ex:
"Richard personality clashed with Wayne's...
Richard took exception...
Helen and Maxine also found reasons to dislike him.
On the whole, no SPAG or POV infractions od any importance.
Regards:
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2013
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2013
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Thank you Stephen, I appreciate the review and comments. I think you are right about the names. I'm going back and see if I can eliminate some of them.
Beth
