Comment from Gungalo

Excellent

storm blows high
in angry outbursts
teenage years


Certainly not you typical haibun but it will do. LOL. Teenagers, what can't they do. So much is said it brings int all around.

 Comment Written 03-Jan-2013

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reply by the author on 04-Jan-2013

Cheers for that Gungalo always great to read your thoughts, I'm just trying this out. :) Jaq x

reply by Gungalo on 04-Jan-2013

Smile.

Comment from October21

Excellent

Hi there! Sounds like the typical household for a teenager and mother! Loved the haiku at the end there as it sums up the piece. A story told in under 100 words with the message clear: teenage years can be rough, especially for the parents! Excellent humour used as you say they should come with a health warning:) as a teenager I have a lot of emotions but channel them through writing:) I find this helps a lot as it is always good to let it out. Another insightful piece that I enjoyed my friend!:) Thanks for sharing!:)

 Comment Written 03-Jan-2013

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reply by the author on 04-Jan-2013

Thanks so much as always Shenel, you'll be able to see it from a parents perspective ;). Take care :) Jaq x

Comment from Ekim777

Good

Childhood experiences were a time of lunacy for the parents, particularly the mother. THe teenage years were an emotional upheaval for everyone, particularly for the mother. For the teenager, it could be put down to something hormonal. The parents don't have that excuse. To all concerned,family relationships should come with a mental health hazard warning but generally, everyone survives without too much collateral damage. -Ekim777

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 Comment Written 03-Jan-2013

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reply by the author on 04-Jan-2013

Thanks Ekim teenage years can be hell for both parent and teen indeed. :) Jaq x

Comment from Papabearua

Excellent

You nailed it. There is no understanding teenagers. They come from a different time and place than parents do. I had to look up what a haibun is but you did a great job there as well. The haiku at the end sums up the early teen years very well.

 Comment Written 03-Jan-2013

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reply by the author on 04-Jan-2013

Thanks Papabearua for your lovely words. They do seem to live in their own wee bubble through teen years. :) Jaq x

Comment from Shirlena

Excellent

They can be a pain can't they. If you could fast forward through that part of their lives and get to 25 it would be so much easier. The most sad thing is they feel they have all the answers not understanding tht if they would have the foresight to avoid the obstacles. They think anybody over 30 is stupid. Great write!

 Comment Written 03-Jan-2013

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reply by the author on 04-Jan-2013

Thanks for your lovely review Shirlena. :) Jaq x

Comment from Black_Oxygen

Excellent

I like this poetry. Your only hope is to just to survive
the teenage years. This poetry paints a accurate picture
of this challenge. It flows well and the meaning is
clearly understood. Thank You for your creation.

 Comment Written 03-Jan-2013

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reply by the author on 04-Jan-2013

Thank you for your review. Lovely as always to read your thoughts. :) Jaq x

Comment from Maureen's Pen

Excellent

This is a beauty, and I have three of them! Sure hope I survive, this is delightful and made me smile to myself.
Health warnings or movie clips of what happens when kids grow up:)
Thanks for sharing I think you did great on this one.
Maureen

 Comment Written 03-Jan-2013

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reply by the author on 03-Jan-2013

Thank you so much Maureen, much appreciated as always. :) Jaq xx

Comment from seren james

Excellent

Very good Haibun. It sounds like a hairstyle. Yes, I love the way you have crafted it.I also like the Haiku at the end. It is very effective. Oh, we have all been through teenage years and endured our children's teenage years. Very few are lucky enough to sail through them without issues.

 Comment Written 03-Jan-2013

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reply by the author on 03-Jan-2013

That is so true seren, thanks so much for your fine review :) Jaq x

Comment from Earl of Oxford

Excellent

Thanks for the credit, Jaq.

This is now very terse and more dramatic, IMHO.

Maybe:

'Eyes roll. I walk away.' The reader knows it's a potential 'battle'.

haiku is excellent, though maybe lose 'like' which adds nothing. Maybe:

storm blows high
in angry outbursts
teenage years (lose the exclamation mark as any punctuation is frowned upon in haiku.

Nice one.

Good luck and best wishes, Ray

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 Comment Written 03-Jan-2013

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reply by the author on 03-Jan-2013

Ray you gave me some very helpful pointers even though you are in this too, you're a gent in my book. I will go back and look at this before I go off for a while. :) Jaq xx

Have slightly edited, thanks my friend xx

reply by Earl of Oxford on 03-Jan-2013

No probs, Jaq. I hope you say my review edit of the haiku to retain the 353 format. 'Gents' rarely win, sob. :-) x

reply by Earl of Oxford on 03-Jan-2013

Just checked it out again, and I'm honoured you thought my suggs worthy. x