Texas Moon
33 total reviews
Comment from humpwhistle
Larry McMurtry would be proud, Suse. Texas is a state big enough to encompass lonely. I'm not quite sure how to link Billy Sutton and Rachel and the drifter. No matter. I think this is more about mood and atmosphere.
Good stuff.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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Larry McMurtry would be proud, Suse. Texas is a state big enough to encompass lonely. I'm not quite sure how to link Billy Sutton and Rachel and the drifter. No matter. I think this is more about mood and atmosphere.
Good stuff.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 17-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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Hi Lee, :) You're right ... TX is huge! I guess the link to these characters is just the aloneness. The hopelessness? I'll see if I can add a line or two to clarify? Thank you for an encouraging word. Susan
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, susan, you did an excellent job writing this story about the woman who found redemption and love one dark, steamy night. i enjoyed reading it. i give you a virtual six. good luck in the contest. i never saw the last picture show
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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this is very well written, susan, you did an excellent job writing this story about the woman who found redemption and love one dark, steamy night. i enjoyed reading it. i give you a virtual six. good luck in the contest. i never saw the last picture show
Comment Written 17-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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Hi Pam! Hugs for the wonderful thoughts. I really appreciate that and am always thrilled to see you like my stuff! :)) Luv, Susan
Comment from N.K. Wagner
This is beautiful, Suse. A purely stylistic thing, but I think I'd leave the last part off. Let the reader draw his own conclusions about whether this encounter leads anywhere or not. Really well written. :) nancy
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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This is beautiful, Suse. A purely stylistic thing, but I think I'd leave the last part off. Let the reader draw his own conclusions about whether this encounter leads anywhere or not. Really well written. :) nancy
Comment Written 17-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2012
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Hi Nancy! GOOD thought. I will revisit it tomorrow...well today. I don't know. Some think it's wandering? Do you? Let me know if you agree. I really tried on this and want it to be good. xoxo. Susan
Comment from robina1978
I liked your story, but could not find the romance in it. Apart from him going back to where he lived and the moon at night. But that can be my problem.
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2012
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I liked your story, but could not find the romance in it. Apart from him going back to where he lived and the moon at night. But that can be my problem.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 23-Oct-2012
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Hi there! Thank you for reading Ine. I just tried to be different. I don't like the ickey gooey sort of romance. I guess I'm just hard. lol! Hugs for taking time to read it! xoxo Susan
Comment from Spiritual Echo
A six and a standing ovation!
Man above anything else. every single bloody story of yours tarts with a hook, line and sinker opening line and paragraph. you should be able to make a living for that one exceptional talent alone!
Below some nits.
Where the laughter was veiled with cautionary pretense -- where we could smile and fool ourselves into thinking everything would all right.NOT SURE THE FIRST WORD SHOULD BE wHERE,MAYBE THERE, EVEN THO IT FITS THE STRENGTH OF THE ENTIRE SENTENCE WOULD TILT, IT LOOKS LIKE IT BELONGS ATTACHED TO THE LAST...TAKE ANOTHER LOOK.
You got it." I turned to the silver urn and it mirrored his image to me almost as clearly as a mirror USED MOIRROR TWICE IN ONE SENTENCE.
Also somewhere in there you used the word MAKE and it should have been made and there's an E missing on the end of coffee.
I LOVED this!
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2012
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A six and a standing ovation!
Man above anything else. every single bloody story of yours tarts with a hook, line and sinker opening line and paragraph. you should be able to make a living for that one exceptional talent alone!
Below some nits.
Where the laughter was veiled with cautionary pretense -- where we could smile and fool ourselves into thinking everything would all right.NOT SURE THE FIRST WORD SHOULD BE wHERE,MAYBE THERE, EVEN THO IT FITS THE STRENGTH OF THE ENTIRE SENTENCE WOULD TILT, IT LOOKS LIKE IT BELONGS ATTACHED TO THE LAST...TAKE ANOTHER LOOK.
You got it." I turned to the silver urn and it mirrored his image to me almost as clearly as a mirror USED MOIRROR TWICE IN ONE SENTENCE.
Also somewhere in there you used the word MAKE and it should have been made and there's an E missing on the end of coffee.
I LOVED this!
Comment Written 17-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2012
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Hey there! Wow...Thanks Ingrid! What fun. I really really appreciate the nit finds...and I think I have them fixed. These happen when you work tired. I'm just thrilled with your response to this my friend. SO worth the work! hug, Susan
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You know, between this one and Main Street, consider a book title "One Night Stands" a collection of short stories about love that passes you by, desperation and lonliness.
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Hey...GOOD idea. I'll sleep on that one! :D
Comment from c_lucas
Sometimes one would wish a one night stand would last longer. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words. (note:William Sutton aks Willie Sutton, drew his fame as a bank robber in the first half of the twenieth century.)
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2012
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Sometimes one would wish a one night stand would last longer. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words. (note:William Sutton aks Willie Sutton, drew his fame as a bank robber in the first half of the twenieth century.)
Comment Written 17-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2012
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Oh no, I grabbed that out of thin air. I'll change that name after a nap. Lol. Thank you Charlie. And I'll google the real Sutton! Interesting stuff! ps...Thanks for the smile. :) Susan
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You're welcome, Susan. Charlie
Comment from Mary Ann MCPhedran
Good story and well written. This has loads of imagery. And your description of the street and the activities was excellent I was almost there. Well done Susan. Mary
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2012
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Good story and well written. This has loads of imagery. And your description of the street and the activities was excellent I was almost there. Well done Susan. Mary
Comment Written 17-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2012
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Thank you Mary! I'm very glad you enjoyed this...I did try. Luv, Susan
Comment from Dawn Munro
Oh my, this is a beautiful love story. You know how to pull at the heartstrings, and that's a fact. I wish it had ended differently, but so we wish a lot of wonderful things could last that don't. Nicely done. Excellent entry for this contest. I'm out of six stars, or you'd have one for this, Susan - it's surely worthy.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2012
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Oh my, this is a beautiful love story. You know how to pull at the heartstrings, and that's a fact. I wish it had ended differently, but so we wish a lot of wonderful things could last that don't. Nicely done. Excellent entry for this contest. I'm out of six stars, or you'd have one for this, Susan - it's surely worthy.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2012
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Hi Dawn...Thank you so much. I'm delighted you enjoyed, and very grateful for the thought of a six too. Luv and smiles. Susan
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You're very welcome, my friend.
Comment from misscookie
Now thats a nice mild steamy story to gbe reading early in the morning.
Not only did I enjoyed the story it got my toes wiggling. ( smile)
Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2012
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Now thats a nice mild steamy story to gbe reading early in the morning.
Not only did I enjoyed the story it got my toes wiggling. ( smile)
Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2012
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Hi Cookie! Lol! yes, it is sort of! I tried to keep it clean. We aren't too old yet are we? hugs and best my friend. xoxo. Susan
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As long as blood runs in my vein. I'm never to old to take a notions. Just like fishes in the ocean.( smile)
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Susan, a nice surprise near the end.. never thought she'd do that, but I guess in a boring small desert town, it happens. Good job!
a town already on it's knees ... and I could barely << Wrong word. See the rule:
it's = it is
its = belongs to it
Also, in that same sentence, do not use an ellipsis. Use a comma instead. See the rule:
Ellipsis
That row of three periods is very overused. In hurried or casual writing, we sometimes use it to separate sentences to save the trouble of hitting period/shift/capital, which is okay for quick personal notes, etc., but not for serious writing. (I admit to doing it in my reviews when I'm in a hurry.)
Correctly used, an ellipsis usually indicates that words are missing. It's most often used here in stories where there is dialogue. Use an ellipsis to show that the person speaking let his words trail off or was undecided about what to say and changed his/her mind mid-sentence, as in the first example below. It may also show broken speech where a speaker is out of breath and pausing frequently, as in the second example.
It may not be used in place of a dash or semi-colon to connect two parts of a sentence.
Correct Examples
She was crying as she told her husband, "It's not that I don't love you. It's just that ... Well, I need more out of life than what we ... what I have now."
Ron was out of breath from running hard. "Wait! I have to ... tell you ... something ... before ... you go inside."
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2012
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Susan, a nice surprise near the end.. never thought she'd do that, but I guess in a boring small desert town, it happens. Good job!
a town already on it's knees ... and I could barely << Wrong word. See the rule:
it's = it is
its = belongs to it
Also, in that same sentence, do not use an ellipsis. Use a comma instead. See the rule:
Ellipsis
That row of three periods is very overused. In hurried or casual writing, we sometimes use it to separate sentences to save the trouble of hitting period/shift/capital, which is okay for quick personal notes, etc., but not for serious writing. (I admit to doing it in my reviews when I'm in a hurry.)
Correctly used, an ellipsis usually indicates that words are missing. It's most often used here in stories where there is dialogue. Use an ellipsis to show that the person speaking let his words trail off or was undecided about what to say and changed his/her mind mid-sentence, as in the first example below. It may also show broken speech where a speaker is out of breath and pausing frequently, as in the second example.
It may not be used in place of a dash or semi-colon to connect two parts of a sentence.
Correct Examples
She was crying as she told her husband, "It's not that I don't love you. It's just that ... Well, I need more out of life than what we ... what I have now."
Ron was out of breath from running hard. "Wait! I have to ... tell you ... something ... before ... you go inside."
Comment Written 17-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2012
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Hi Phyllis! Thank you!! I took Brooke's class, but don't remember the ellipses rules. I'll read them again and jot yours down too. The best way to remember is to think, NO replacing dashes or semi-colons. Your examples are perfect. So, I can't use them instead of a comma? I took several out of this story. I thought we could use them to replace commas too. Your time to help is greatly appreciated Phyllis! HUG, Susan
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Many folks DO use them as commas, but it's not correct. It's commonly done in INFORMAL writing, such as notes on the web, and I even do it here in reviews. But it's lazy and casual. It has a specific purpose in formal prose, which is what a story or book or essay is. If you write an email to a friend, it's fine. :)
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Okay...I'll really try to remember this. Just too much going on these days. Thanks again Phyllis! :) Susan
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It's also used to show omitted words, such as in a two-way phone conversation.
Also in non-fiction to show omitted words in quotations (words that aren't important to your point), etc.
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http://www.fanstory.com/displaystory.jsp?id=559296
That's the long post called Grammar Rules that I put here two weeks ago, if you missed it. Full of useful rules.