Comfort Sought
Remembering my grandmother and my mother24 total reviews
Comment from jehanned
What a solemn and comforting tribute! Your memories of them will help them continue to live on. You are lucky to have been so close to your family!
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2012
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What a solemn and comforting tribute! Your memories of them will help them continue to live on. You are lucky to have been so close to your family!
Comment Written 30-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2012
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jehanned, hope the new year bring you great joy. thank you ever so much for stopping by many moons ago. I apologize profusely for just returning a heartfelt thank you for reading and reviewing my work. Many things in life took me away from the site for awhile.. jls
Comment from kiwisteveh
This is a beautiful tribute poem to your cherished mother and grand-mother. I am going to pick out a few tiny things to comment on, but please don't hink this is too negative - your poem has great imagery and sincerity of emotion shines through every line.
'kissed of' sounds strange to my ear 'kissed with...'??
'incensed' seems wrong - its usual meaning is 'raised to anger' and there is no anger here. 'inspired' perhaps?
It's warm whisper - 'Its' never has an apostrophe unless it means 'it is'
'he eyes bored ' ???
' as if you're demanding ' - consider leaving out the 'you're' - it is in the wrong tense and omitting it doesn't change the meaning
guest --> guests
'But my stroll through the past, your presence was shown
Perhaps just in my mind, still my heart believes'
Just when you want your poem to be strongest, these two lines seem awkward
Again, it seems like a lot of faults, but most are easily fixed and the poem stands as a beautiful piece.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2011
 |
This is a beautiful tribute poem to your cherished mother and grand-mother. I am going to pick out a few tiny things to comment on, but please don't hink this is too negative - your poem has great imagery and sincerity of emotion shines through every line.
'kissed of' sounds strange to my ear 'kissed with...'??
'incensed' seems wrong - its usual meaning is 'raised to anger' and there is no anger here. 'inspired' perhaps?
It's warm whisper - 'Its' never has an apostrophe unless it means 'it is'
'he eyes bored ' ???
' as if you're demanding ' - consider leaving out the 'you're' - it is in the wrong tense and omitting it doesn't change the meaning
guest --> guests
'But my stroll through the past, your presence was shown
Perhaps just in my mind, still my heart believes'
Just when you want your poem to be strongest, these two lines seem awkward
Again, it seems like a lot of faults, but most are easily fixed and the poem stands as a beautiful piece.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2011
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kiwisteveh, this is thorough and thoughtful review. Your eye is sharp and perspective spot on. Unfortunately, I cannot edit till morn, for I am on my cell. Thank you ever so much for a thoughtful review. This is how reviews should be. It truly tells the author the reviewer has read the work and has the author's best interest at heart. Thank you, I will take a look at grammar editing and revising in the morn. Again thank you. Jlsavell
Comment from Espresso momma
You know this is a time of rememberance of those mothers who have gone on ahead of us. They leave us a legacy to remember and send on to our children. Thanks for the well rhymed poem.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2012
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You know this is a time of rememberance of those mothers who have gone on ahead of us. They leave us a legacy to remember and send on to our children. Thanks for the well rhymed poem.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2012
-
Espresso momma, hope the new year bring you great joy. thank you ever so much for stopping by many moons ago. I apologize profusely for just returning a heartfelt thank you for reading and reviewing my work. Many things in life took me away from the site for awhile.. jls
Comment from Gungalo
Above me the old oak fluttered its spring guise
Jostling its feathered guest(s), fast away they flew
Upward, toward the most breathtaking sunny skies
Past the verdant fields where your lavender grew
Oh my, poet!!! This is breathtaking and certainly one of the most loving tributes I have ever read. Your words have been especially chosen to talk to Emma this way and I can feel the love that pours from your heart and soul through them.
Beautiful descriptions of the fields and the tress and the comfort of this place you sit to talk. I love that you took me there to see it.
Just lovely.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2011
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Above me the old oak fluttered its spring guise
Jostling its feathered guest(s), fast away they flew
Upward, toward the most breathtaking sunny skies
Past the verdant fields where your lavender grew
Oh my, poet!!! This is breathtaking and certainly one of the most loving tributes I have ever read. Your words have been especially chosen to talk to Emma this way and I can feel the love that pours from your heart and soul through them.
Beautiful descriptions of the fields and the tress and the comfort of this place you sit to talk. I love that you took me there to see it.
Just lovely.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2011
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Gungalo, you always make me smile. I am truly humbled by your reviews. thank you ever so much. jimi
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My pleasure. It's a beautiful write and tribute!!!