I Am A Man
what goes around comes around24 total reviews
Comment from adewpearl
Yer can clean yerself up, pansy boy - add comma for direct address
Thank God you're home, Mikey - add comma for direct address
Not a chance, Ma - add comma
This is no time to be funny, Mikey - add comma
Your story has excellent dialogue that portrays the personality and attitude of each speaker well.
You also have a most dramatic and compelling situation.
You've done this all within the strict word limitations of the contest, and you have incorporated the challenge words without forcing any or them into a line. Good luck in the contest with a very strong entry. Brooke :-)
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2011
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Yer can clean yerself up, pansy boy - add comma for direct address
Thank God you're home, Mikey - add comma for direct address
Not a chance, Ma - add comma
This is no time to be funny, Mikey - add comma
Your story has excellent dialogue that portrays the personality and attitude of each speaker well.
You also have a most dramatic and compelling situation.
You've done this all within the strict word limitations of the contest, and you have incorporated the challenge words without forcing any or them into a line. Good luck in the contest with a very strong entry. Brooke :-)
Comment Written 17-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2011
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Geez Brooke. You've pointed this out to me before, you'd think I'd finally get it! Let's hope this time is the charm. Thanks so much for catching the Spags. I appeciate your interest and your supportive words very much. Warm regards.
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Your story is excellent - a couple of missing commas is inconsequential :-) Brooke
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How gracious of you! I've just had a little chat with vicki who is taking your SPAG class. She's really loving it and tells me you're an excellent teacher. I plan to take it when you next offer it. Thanks again.
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I'm so glad to hear you plan to take the class. I wish a whole lot more people would take it - believe me, there are many writers who make far more SPAG errors in a piece than this!!!
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Well, I do know that I will get conflicting advice from different reviewers on pieces sometimes. I don't really know who to trust - except you, of course. The nice thing about you is that you don't make the person feel stupid. I know than when you give praise it's been earned.
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Yeah, some reviewers have a knack for making people sound stupid. I've had reviews from them. LOL My purpose in life is not to make anyone feel bad, ever - well, with rare exceptions. When I was an anti-apartheid activist and debated South African spokespeople, then I wanted to make them feel stupid. LOL :-)
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Brooke, you sound like a fascinating lady. I'm always impressed with the depth of your knowledge on so many subjects! Have you ever heard of Non-Violent Communication as advocated by Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D. It is fascinating and, for me, very powerful. Sometimes I find people with gobs of talent aren't very nice people. That is, definitely not the case with you.
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I have not heard of it but will google it tomorrow - I never look up anything new late at night when my brain is working at half speed :-) When I was at grad school I met some highly educated and talented people who were not nice at all. On the other hand, I grew up in a blue collar neighborhood where I met some of the nicest people I've ever known, including my blue collar parents :-)
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My background is much like yours and I'm proud of it too. Rest well lovely lady. Bev
Comment from koneart
This is good! I enjoyed the triumph of the jerk going to jail. Just a few words and you've reveal a lot of information. I did find one thing you should check out. you put a comma where a period should be. Well done!
She grabs my hand, [period instead of comma] "This is no time to be funny Mikey.
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2011
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This is good! I enjoyed the triumph of the jerk going to jail. Just a few words and you've reveal a lot of information. I did find one thing you should check out. you put a comma where a period should be. Well done!
She grabs my hand, [period instead of comma] "This is no time to be funny Mikey.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2011
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Thanks Koneart. I appreciate you pointing out that sentence. I much appreciate you taking time to read and review. Best regards!
Comment from Chuck23
Well told in such few words. I like the way you worked them all in. I thought about this prompt this morning, and couldn't think of anywhere to go with it! Well done!
Good luck!
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reply by the author on 17-Mar-2011
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Well told in such few words. I like the way you worked them all in. I thought about this prompt this morning, and couldn't think of anywhere to go with it! Well done!
Good luck!
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Comment Written 17-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2011
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Thanks so much Chuck23 for your good wishes. I really appreciate your great review and for you taking time to read the piece. Best regards.
Comment from Sallyo
Five stars for the story, which works beautifully. Four stars for the layout, which manages to feature three lots of dialogue on the same line. Since FS doesn't have half stars... Great story; though I wonder what frame of mind "Dad" will be in when he gets out of prison! Restraining order, much?
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reply by the author on 17-Mar-2011
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Five stars for the story, which works beautifully. Four stars for the layout, which manages to feature three lots of dialogue on the same line. Since FS doesn't have half stars... Great story; though I wonder what frame of mind "Dad" will be in when he gets out of prison! Restraining order, much?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2011
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Hi Sallyo. Still learning - wasn't aware of the issue you pointed out. I've broken up the paragraph, so not a problem now I think. Thanks for pointing that out and for your helpful review. Best regards.