A Man and A Woman
A page from a romance story40 total reviews
Comment from yordanos
I love the ending does not end with an ending but with a new beginning "resting on the edge of a new beginning and the rest of their lives". The description that Stephanie gives describing her new husband are so vivid and descriptive, I felt as though I could see him through her eyes because there was so much emotion in the descriptions.
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2011
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I love the ending does not end with an ending but with a new beginning "resting on the edge of a new beginning and the rest of their lives". The description that Stephanie gives describing her new husband are so vivid and descriptive, I felt as though I could see him through her eyes because there was so much emotion in the descriptions.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2011
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Thanks.
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I know you're new here, but when you give a four rating, it
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I know you're new here; but when you give a four rating it is not good. It means something is wrong and you have to tell the writing how to fix it. Just so you no before you give it to someone else. Welcome to the sit.
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okay thanks i will keep that in mind next time.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written with good form and good flow, a great job writing this story of the first night of the rest of their lives, two people in love expressing it through making love and resting in it.
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2011
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this is very well written with good form and good flow, a great job writing this story of the first night of the rest of their lives, two people in love expressing it through making love and resting in it.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2011
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Thank you sweetwoodjax. Why do I have a "hankering" to call you sweetpea? Just kidding. lol Blessings my friend.
Comment from fairydancer
I think, if you wanted to, you could read deeper meanings into this piece than your description suggests - the fact the lady is beautiful and the man is "more ordinary", shall we say. lol And, the fact that we are lead to believe that they have "saved themselves" for marriage.
That said, I enjoyed this as a story.
Good emotion in this.
Well done - Cally :)
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2011
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I think, if you wanted to, you could read deeper meanings into this piece than your description suggests - the fact the lady is beautiful and the man is "more ordinary", shall we say. lol And, the fact that we are lead to believe that they have "saved themselves" for marriage.
That said, I enjoyed this as a story.
Good emotion in this.
Well done - Cally :)
Comment Written 07-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2011
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Thank you Cally. Blessings to you my friend.
Comment from Lise Deangelo
This is an awesome write. I love the language you use, such as "A sun stream creeps", "disturbs the delicate dark", and "his tongue painting her ear". Your writing is just so original when you write like that. You give the story a feel of fresh and real; thats how I read it anyway. You changed the title. I came back to give you a six when my ration came through. This title is good. Thanks for sharing, Lise.
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2011
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This is an awesome write. I love the language you use, such as "A sun stream creeps", "disturbs the delicate dark", and "his tongue painting her ear". Your writing is just so original when you write like that. You give the story a feel of fresh and real; thats how I read it anyway. You changed the title. I came back to give you a six when my ration came through. This title is good. Thanks for sharing, Lise.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2011
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OMGoodness Lise. You came back to do this? Thank you my friend. I don't know what to say; Bless you.
Comment from marcii
This is a lovely way of showing how two people love each other.
It may not look like a romantic moment to some though I sure think it is.
Very nice story.
Marcii
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2011
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This is a lovely way of showing how two people love each other.
It may not look like a romantic moment to some though I sure think it is.
Very nice story.
Marcii
Comment Written 06-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2011
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Thank you marci. I really appreciate the review.
Comment from juliaSjames
Looks like Stephanie scored 2 out of 3 in her husband... wealth and satisfying sex. But from her unflattering similes ... "the flab spilling onto the blue satin sheets, like a mudslide dumping into blue water." ... there may be trouble looming in their married bliss.
Interesting and intriguing view of the couple. Nothing happens to speak of, but it's still a satisfying read because of the human interest element.
A few editing suggestions for your consideration:
"girlish curves" - I think another adjective might work better, perhaps "alluring"?
The preacher would hardly join the frenzied search for the missing ring, so I suggest, "he and the best man" and I would also delete "one hand extended" since that's understood from the following clause.
"lets them stay there ..."
"it falls past her shoulders ..."
"three vertical lines like deep ..."
"gazes down at the diamond ring ... " - it's more likely her engagement ring that she's admiring and not her wedding band, so best just to write "diamond ring".
Just little things, nothing major.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2011
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Looks like Stephanie scored 2 out of 3 in her husband... wealth and satisfying sex. But from her unflattering similes ... "the flab spilling onto the blue satin sheets, like a mudslide dumping into blue water." ... there may be trouble looming in their married bliss.
Interesting and intriguing view of the couple. Nothing happens to speak of, but it's still a satisfying read because of the human interest element.
A few editing suggestions for your consideration:
"girlish curves" - I think another adjective might work better, perhaps "alluring"?
The preacher would hardly join the frenzied search for the missing ring, so I suggest, "he and the best man" and I would also delete "one hand extended" since that's understood from the following clause.
"lets them stay there ..."
"it falls past her shoulders ..."
"three vertical lines like deep ..."
"gazes down at the diamond ring ... " - it's more likely her engagement ring that she's admiring and not her wedding band, so best just to write "diamond ring".
Just little things, nothing major.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2011
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Thanks Julia. I appreciate the comments so much. And thanks for the suggestions.
You are welcome. peace and blessings, julia
Comment from RebelRose
Wow, girl. You described this scene so well, I felt like I had walked into someone's bedroom. Very sensuous and romantic. I enjoyed the read.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2011
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Wow, girl. You described this scene so well, I felt like I had walked into someone's bedroom. Very sensuous and romantic. I enjoyed the read.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2011
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Thank you. I've been giving you guys such sad stuff; I thought I'd give you a break. lol
Comment from Laurie Clayton
Mmmm...You paint a lovely languid picture with your words.
So exquisitly romantic and full of warm feelings.
Well written with no spots that I could see.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2011
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Mmmm...You paint a lovely languid picture with your words.
So exquisitly romantic and full of warm feelings.
Well written with no spots that I could see.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2011
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Thank you Laurie. Thanks for reading. Blessings as always my friend.
Comment from N.K. Wagner
Excellent descriptions. A couple of things to look at: Your second sentence is a little awkward, and I've never seen ducks move gracefully out of the water. Stephanie's assessment of Thomas' physique sounds a little honest for a woman in love. You might want to indicate that she doesn't care about his signs of age, or tell us that she'll put up with it for the sake of his money. All in all, it's very good. :) Nancy
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2011
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Excellent descriptions. A couple of things to look at: Your second sentence is a little awkward, and I've never seen ducks move gracefully out of the water. Stephanie's assessment of Thomas' physique sounds a little honest for a woman in love. You might want to indicate that she doesn't care about his signs of age, or tell us that she'll put up with it for the sake of his money. All in all, it's very good. :) Nancy
Comment Written 06-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2011
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Thanks Wagner. Blessings to you.
Comment from adewpearl
I love the excellent balance in this story of passion and love - the sex is definitely there, not downplayed at all, but there is also the cuddling, the nuzzling, the remembrance of the wedding - this is quite endearing. Brooke :-)
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2011
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I love the excellent balance in this story of passion and love - the sex is definitely there, not downplayed at all, but there is also the cuddling, the nuzzling, the remembrance of the wedding - this is quite endearing. Brooke :-)
Comment Written 06-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2011
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Thank you Brooke. I'm so glad you liked it.
