Those Bad Bad Bedtime Boys
A little boy blames the toy mess on others.34 total reviews
Comment from Mustang Patty
You've woven a very imaginative tale with a great ending. The rhythm of the poem is lyrical, and the imagery is strong - I can see the little boy, and the mini mag light near his head. I can't quite "see" the Bad, Bad Boys -- but that's probably because they really aren't there! Wonderful story in poem form!
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2010
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You've woven a very imaginative tale with a great ending. The rhythm of the poem is lyrical, and the imagery is strong - I can see the little boy, and the mini mag light near his head. I can't quite "see" the Bad, Bad Boys -- but that's probably because they really aren't there! Wonderful story in poem form!
Comment Written 01-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2010
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Thank you for your review and kind words.
Comment from Harlequin
A very brave poem of trying to show the 'map' of a child's mind and 'present' the problems and different thoughts a child has when going through life and trying to 'deal' with things.
Well done! : )
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2010
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A very brave poem of trying to show the 'map' of a child's mind and 'present' the problems and different thoughts a child has when going through life and trying to 'deal' with things.
Well done! : )
Comment Written 01-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2010
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Just part of learning how to problem solve. Thanks for the review.
Comment from The Stranger
"I hang my head and start to cry.
What I really need is an alibi.
But who'll believe ME,I'm just a kid?
When I say "Those bad boys must have hid
After they played with all my toys!
They're so quiet, not a single noise."
How many times do we sit downstairs, hearing the battle of anzio upstairs, only to find our "angels" asleep when we investigate...
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2010
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"I hang my head and start to cry.
What I really need is an alibi.
But who'll believe ME,I'm just a kid?
When I say "Those bad boys must have hid
After they played with all my toys!
They're so quiet, not a single noise."
How many times do we sit downstairs, hearing the battle of anzio upstairs, only to find our "angels" asleep when we investigate...
Comment Written 01-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2010
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Who Knew? thanks for the review.
Comment from Majicman
What a delightful narrative poem you have crafted. It flowed effortlessly with your use of rhyming couplets. I think I'll gave you 6 stars instead of the 5 I already did.
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2010
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What a delightful narrative poem you have crafted. It flowed effortlessly with your use of rhyming couplets. I think I'll gave you 6 stars instead of the 5 I already did.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2010
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How kind you are! Thank you.
Comment from SofiaSaric
Excellent. I love your use of rhyming. I like the odd choice of subject for the poem and I really like concept you where going for. I defenitly look forward to reading more of your poems! :)
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2010
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Excellent. I love your use of rhyming. I like the odd choice of subject for the poem and I really like concept you where going for. I defenitly look forward to reading more of your poems! :)
Comment Written 30-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2010
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Thank you so much. It was one of those things that popped into my mind so quickly, I could hardly write fast enough. That doesn't often .
Comment from fictionwriter
I loved this cute little poem. Seems like all the kids seem to have those bad boys hanging out in their rooms, that or the toys have minds of their owns. Great job.
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2010
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I loved this cute little poem. Seems like all the kids seem to have those bad boys hanging out in their rooms, that or the toys have minds of their owns. Great job.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2010
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Thank you for the kind words and review. I think some naughty girls used to come out at night to visit my daughters, too.
Comment from KeepSmiling
This is a really cute story poem, well written with a fun aabb rhyme scheme which flows well. I can see this as a children's book, with illustrations! The rhymes are great, there is only one that caught my eye - mom looked in/tried to pretend -doesn't rhyme. Clean/dream is a close proximate rhyme, so it didn't interrupt the flow for me. Overall, great form and flow, great topic, fun to read!
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010
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This is a really cute story poem, well written with a fun aabb rhyme scheme which flows well. I can see this as a children's book, with illustrations! The rhymes are great, there is only one that caught my eye - mom looked in/tried to pretend -doesn't rhyme. Clean/dream is a close proximate rhyme, so it didn't interrupt the flow for me. Overall, great form and flow, great topic, fun to read!
Comment Written 29-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010
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Thank you for the review and tips.
Comment from dportwood
Magic Wand,
This is a series of cute rhyming sestets. You know little boys who fail to pick up their toys before they go to bed. Well written and enjoyable.
Duane
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2010
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Magic Wand,
This is a series of cute rhyming sestets. You know little boys who fail to pick up their toys before they go to bed. Well written and enjoyable.
Duane
Comment Written 28-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2010
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Thank you for the great review and kind words. Yes, I do know some little boys who forget to pick up those toys.
Comment from MizKat
Magic Wand - I love your poetic story. It has wonderful rhyming and the rhthym is great too. It keeps my interest making it a real joy to read. Kat
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2010
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Magic Wand - I love your poetic story. It has wonderful rhyming and the rhthym is great too. It keeps my interest making it a real joy to read. Kat
Comment Written 28-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2010
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Such kind words! Thank you for the awesome review.
Comment from samsaysagain
Excellent considering how long it is! For the most part your rhyme
couplets are good. There are a few places where the meter is off and can be fixed by changing, eliminating or adding a word(s) to the line, i e. V.1 - delete 'flash'. use only mini-mag; v.2 - amok ??? Can't find in my book, should it be amuck? V.4 - meter changes a little in line 3; V.6 - delete 'own'; V.7 - omit 'flash'; V.9 - insert 'my' , ' (my mom looked in); Last verse: - use only 'mini-mag light'. These are just a few suggestions for you to look at and decide what's right for you, OK? It's your poem. Play with it and see what you think. It's a cute poem and you put a lot of work into it. Boys will be boys! LOL
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2010
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Excellent considering how long it is! For the most part your rhyme
couplets are good. There are a few places where the meter is off and can be fixed by changing, eliminating or adding a word(s) to the line, i e. V.1 - delete 'flash'. use only mini-mag; v.2 - amok ??? Can't find in my book, should it be amuck? V.4 - meter changes a little in line 3; V.6 - delete 'own'; V.7 - omit 'flash'; V.9 - insert 'my' , ' (my mom looked in); Last verse: - use only 'mini-mag light'. These are just a few suggestions for you to look at and decide what's right for you, OK? It's your poem. Play with it and see what you think. It's a cute poem and you put a lot of work into it. Boys will be boys! LOL
Comment Written 28-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2010
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Thank you for the great review and helpful hints. I acknowledge all criticism as wonderful ways to improve. Your review is greatly appreciated.
