Makin' Your Mama Cry
Always play to win26 total reviews
Comment from kiwigirl2821
Very well penned. This one has all the elements and is a great read. Love the flow and development of character in so short a write. Good luck in contest. xoxo Kiwi
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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Very well penned. This one has all the elements and is a great read. Love the flow and development of character in so short a write. Good luck in contest. xoxo Kiwi
Comment Written 02-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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Thank you kiwigirl for taking the time to read and comment.
Comment from Belinda
Clever coach. The way he lift the spirit of his team is awesome, especially when he mentions about their mamas. Btw I think mama's does not need a ' as it is meant to be plural, as in mothers. Aside of this, interesting!
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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Clever coach. The way he lift the spirit of his team is awesome, especially when he mentions about their mamas. Btw I think mama's does not need a ' as it is meant to be plural, as in mothers. Aside of this, interesting!
Comment Written 02-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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Thank you Belinda for reading and the fine comments. I have already corrected the mamas, slipped by even after I read it over and over. Thanks
Comment from dportwood
author,
Nice job of creating a cute story, eaisly believable, while using all required words without making anything in the story seem forced or trite. Well done and good luck.
Duane
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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author,
Nice job of creating a cute story, eaisly believable, while using all required words without making anything in the story seem forced or trite. Well done and good luck.
Duane
Comment Written 02-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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Thank you Duane for taking the time to read and comment.
Comment from Aarondodd1989
Interesting piece. One of the strongest entries for this contest I've read so far. Just one nit. "looking his players straight in the eye. with his crooked smile and laughing eyes." The two eyes in close proximity really jars. I would consider changing one or using a different body part.
Good luck in the booth.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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Interesting piece. One of the strongest entries for this contest I've read so far. Just one nit. "looking his players straight in the eye. with his crooked smile and laughing eyes." The two eyes in close proximity really jars. I would consider changing one or using a different body part.
Good luck in the booth.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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Thank you Aaron for reading and commenting. I will look into the double use of eye in a bit. Appreciated.
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You're welcome.
Comment from hfriscia
It's an interesting short piece...A nice speech for the team to get fired up...The passion in the couch is very well written...I saw no mistkes in this piece...
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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It's an interesting short piece...A nice speech for the team to get fired up...The passion in the couch is very well written...I saw no mistkes in this piece...
Comment Written 02-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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thank you hfriscia for taking the time and for the fine comments.
Comment from winlaw writer
This story has an upbeat message that is told in the straightest way possible with feeling and determination along with art work that does not add much to the story for me.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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This story has an upbeat message that is told in the straightest way possible with feeling and determination along with art work that does not add much to the story for me.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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Thanks winlawreader for reading and the fine commentary. Sorry about the artwork... I liked it.
