Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 40 "Chapter 11; part 2"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
61 total reviews
Comment from Ancientmemory1
I haven't read the other chapters of your story, but found nothing to add or correct within, Dialogue flows smoothly, and the romance description was detailed. Vivid use of imagery within. Well written installment.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2010
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I haven't read the other chapters of your story, but found nothing to add or correct within, Dialogue flows smoothly, and the romance description was detailed. Vivid use of imagery within. Well written installment.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your kind words.
Comment from Helen Tan
Hi Barbara, I'm reviewing from Milan on this problematic notebook. I didn't notice any major SPAG. I must say the ending is interesting...why would she need the documentation about her NOT being a virgin anymore? Curious...never had that in my CV/ personal files before BUT then I guess in my case, it's redundant. I have the 3 birth certificates of my kids. =D
"I had two girl friends, at the same time." He laughed as he continued, "Once they found out about each other, I didn't have any girlfriends
You have written "girl friends" as two words and here as one word as well. I think it is a single word. I'm not sure about this but you need to be consistent here.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2010
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Hi Barbara, I'm reviewing from Milan on this problematic notebook. I didn't notice any major SPAG. I must say the ending is interesting...why would she need the documentation about her NOT being a virgin anymore? Curious...never had that in my CV/ personal files before BUT then I guess in my case, it's redundant. I have the 3 birth certificates of my kids. =D
"I had two girl friends, at the same time." He laughed as he continued, "Once they found out about each other, I didn't have any girlfriends
You have written "girl friends" as two words and here as one word as well. I think it is a single word. I'm not sure about this but you need to be consistent here.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your kind words and I will take care of the girlfriend issue.
Comment from Kentucky Sweet Pea
Hi Barbara,
I wanted to return the favor and review your work- you're such a supportive fan! This story is intriguing and I found no grammatical errors. I'm not much of a reviewer (you can tell that by my ranking, lol) but I'll be back to read more of your work.
Pen
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2010
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Hi Barbara,
I wanted to return the favor and review your work- you're such a supportive fan! This story is intriguing and I found no grammatical errors. I'm not much of a reviewer (you can tell that by my ranking, lol) but I'll be back to read more of your work.
Pen
Comment Written 28-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your kind patience with me.
Comment from vandawalker
It's interesting how different the two main characters are. That alone will draw a reader to look forward to the next chapter. Good progress.
Check on these:
*It's not fair you know everything about me(,) and I
*I'm still under the three date limit(,) and we've never really been on a date."
*I'd love to go back to school(,) but I can't afford it.
*her[,] before he exited the door.
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2010
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It's interesting how different the two main characters are. That alone will draw a reader to look forward to the next chapter. Good progress.
Check on these:
*It's not fair you know everything about me(,) and I
*I'm still under the three date limit(,) and we've never really been on a date."
*I'd love to go back to school(,) but I can't afford it.
*her[,] before he exited the door.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your review and I will recheck those commas.
Comment from L.lora
Pure perfection is this
addition to your storyline.
I also like the fact that
Leya has a good head on her
shoulders and asking for the
doctor and written proof was
a stroke of genius. Looking
forward to your next post. no
nits or spags. Lora
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2010
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Pure perfection is this
addition to your storyline.
I also like the fact that
Leya has a good head on her
shoulders and asking for the
doctor and written proof was
a stroke of genius. Looking
forward to your next post. no
nits or spags. Lora
Comment Written 28-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and support.
Comment from fictionwriter
Oh, no. What's she up to now. I hope she didn't just use Steven to get something to make her unwanted. I hate when women use guys like that. Great job.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2010
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Oh, no. What's she up to now. I hope she didn't just use Steven to get something to make her unwanted. I hate when women use guys like that. Great job.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2010
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Leya gets herself into trouble. Thank you for your review.
Comment from BeautifulLie
I loved this! I thought it was reall, really good. Definately going back to read the rest. Keep up the good work! Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2010
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I loved this! I thought it was reall, really good. Definately going back to read the rest. Keep up the good work! Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your kind words.
Comment from RebelRose
Wow. That was a shocker. I thought she was going to ask for birth control or something. I can't wait to see why she need documenttion. I guess it could be to convince her father that her marriage has been consummated so he will leave her alone. I'll quit guessingand be patient, ha ha.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2010
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Wow. That was a shocker. I thought she was going to ask for birth control or something. I can't wait to see why she need documenttion. I guess it could be to convince her father that her marriage has been consummated so he will leave her alone. I'll quit guessingand be patient, ha ha.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from scraps30
Well-written chapter, the love between Leya and Steven is apparent and sweet. I only saw one thing:
"...approve of you laying naked beside me..."
I believe the proper word is "lying" naked beside me.
Good job!
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2010
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Well-written chapter, the love between Leya and Steven is apparent and sweet. I only saw one thing:
"...approve of you laying naked beside me..."
I believe the proper word is "lying" naked beside me.
Good job!
Comment Written 28-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Perp Ihebom
This is beautiful, my friend. I really enjoyed the outpouring of this love that has been long in coming. I don't know whether the use of 'laying' during the after-sex conversation was correct. I thought it should be lying. well done.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2010
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This is beautiful, my friend. I really enjoyed the outpouring of this love that has been long in coming. I don't know whether the use of 'laying' during the after-sex conversation was correct. I thought it should be lying. well done.
Comment Written 28-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2010
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I have already changed the laying. Thank you for your review.
