Matilda
Without love there's nothing27 total reviews
Comment from Readywriter52
Part of the story seems to be about a dream she had of naked men. It sounds good to me. The other part had to do with her parents disapproval of an older man. He seemed to have made her happy.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2010
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Part of the story seems to be about a dream she had of naked men. It sounds good to me. The other part had to do with her parents disapproval of an older man. He seemed to have made her happy.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2010
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Thank you , I appreciate you reading it.
Comment from stephonavich
The beginning seemed rough, but I read on and enjoyed the story. I have been told that when a question is rhetorical that there should be a period instead of a question mark because there is no answer needed.
Some of the adverbs used for description get more in the way of the writing but other more creative descriptions (like a bellyful of anger) are wonderful!
I liked the premise of the story and identify with it. Very entertaining!
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2010
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The beginning seemed rough, but I read on and enjoyed the story. I have been told that when a question is rhetorical that there should be a period instead of a question mark because there is no answer needed.
Some of the adverbs used for description get more in the way of the writing but other more creative descriptions (like a bellyful of anger) are wonderful!
I liked the premise of the story and identify with it. Very entertaining!
Comment Written 22-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2010
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Thank you , I am very happy you liked it, and your kind words and advise are appreciated
Comment from Begin Again
Apelle
An outstanding beginning to what appears to be a deep and troubled life...and how the men in her life seriously effected her. This should prove to be a very interesting story.
Carol
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2010
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Apelle
An outstanding beginning to what appears to be a deep and troubled life...and how the men in her life seriously effected her. This should prove to be a very interesting story.
Carol
Comment Written 22-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2010
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Thank you Carol , I am very happy you liked it, and I appreciate your kind words, I never win anything though:(
Comment from Nan Beeson
Ha! The beginning sentence sounds like something I might have written!I didn't understand what "Mainstream Fashion" or the word "Vindaloo" meant, but I am 83 so that is probably why.I chuckled at the naked man sitting cross-legged; very visually funny to my sense of humor. I think I would have changed the word "So" about her being thirsty to "not so thirsty, after all." I especially liked the wording when she woke up in the morning like she slept with a stone in her mouth; and most most especially, "This dream and all those thoughts were like SONGS OF DYING SWANS. Great! I wish I had thought of it.I also liked the part about "Fulfilling her father's prophecy." I know I remember things my father prophesied although they were said in jest. I especially had to laugh when her mother asked "WHY COULDN'T SHE GO OUT WITH A NICE JEWISH BOY!" I am of Armenian lineage and when I was young, it was very important that Armenians married Armenians! Also it reveals to me that the mother had read the Bible....unless it was ego on her part. Either way, I liked it. Good luck. Na
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reply by the author on 22-Jan-2010
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Ha! The beginning sentence sounds like something I might have written!I didn't understand what "Mainstream Fashion" or the word "Vindaloo" meant, but I am 83 so that is probably why.I chuckled at the naked man sitting cross-legged; very visually funny to my sense of humor. I think I would have changed the word "So" about her being thirsty to "not so thirsty, after all." I especially liked the wording when she woke up in the morning like she slept with a stone in her mouth; and most most especially, "This dream and all those thoughts were like SONGS OF DYING SWANS. Great! I wish I had thought of it.I also liked the part about "Fulfilling her father's prophecy." I know I remember things my father prophesied although they were said in jest. I especially had to laugh when her mother asked "WHY COULDN'T SHE GO OUT WITH A NICE JEWISH BOY!" I am of Armenian lineage and when I was young, it was very important that Armenians married Armenians! Also it reveals to me that the mother had read the Bible....unless it was ego on her part. Either way, I liked it. Good luck. Na
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2010
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Thank you I am very happy you liked it, would the score have anything to do with the mechanics of my craft ?
Comment from fictionwriter
An interesting beginning. Men can always be the one who ruins a woman, with their careless and unfeeling ways. I enjoyed this, looking forward to more. Good job.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2010
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An interesting beginning. Men can always be the one who ruins a woman, with their careless and unfeeling ways. I enjoyed this, looking forward to more. Good job.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2010
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fictionwriter, thanks for stopping by. I am happy you liked my work
Comment from jayesnb
This allowed the reader insight into Matildas mind very well... The dream at the beginning set the stage for wonderful narratives and flashbacks to her youth... Vvery well written with astounding use of vocabulary and metaphors...
great job and good luck in the contest...
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2010
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This allowed the reader insight into Matildas mind very well... The dream at the beginning set the stage for wonderful narratives and flashbacks to her youth... Vvery well written with astounding use of vocabulary and metaphors...
great job and good luck in the contest...
Comment Written 22-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2010
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Thank you , I am very happy you liked it, and your kind words are appreciated
Comment from anabelle
I loved, loved, loved this. I like the way it reads, the naked men on the couch, the flashbacks, some reflexive, some philosiphical. The whole thing is such an introspective narrative, I find it absolutely wonderful.
Thanks for sharing. Will look forward to more.
Regards, anabelle
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reply by the author on 22-Jan-2010
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I loved, loved, loved this. I like the way it reads, the naked men on the couch, the flashbacks, some reflexive, some philosiphical. The whole thing is such an introspective narrative, I find it absolutely wonderful.
Thanks for sharing. Will look forward to more.
Regards, anabelle
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2010
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Thanks so much anabelle, this work that i feel is closest to my heart. I am delighted you liked it...
