Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 28 "Chapter 7, part 3"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
67 total reviews
Comment from Rick Koestler
This is a perfectly scripted chapter. Although I have not read previous ones, I can tell the author is quite competent in her craft. I found no typos and the prose and dialogue keep me engaged to the end. Nicely done.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2010
  |
This is a perfectly scripted chapter. Although I have not read previous ones, I can tell the author is quite competent in her craft. I found no typos and the prose and dialogue keep me engaged to the end. Nicely done.
Comment Written 11-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2010
-
Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Nicnac
No! No! No!
Leya isn't the mole.
That skanky, jealous wench, Peggy probably is though. I wouldn't put anything past her. She wants Steven and she's willing to do whatever it takes to make sure Leya doesn't get him. (Of course, I'm the one that's going to end up with him... but that's beside the point.)
I wonder what is wrong with Leya. Did Peggy poison her?
Looking forward to the next chapter, Barbara.
:O)
Nic
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2010
|
No! No! No!
Leya isn't the mole.
That skanky, jealous wench, Peggy probably is though. I wouldn't put anything past her. She wants Steven and she's willing to do whatever it takes to make sure Leya doesn't get him. (Of course, I'm the one that's going to end up with him... but that's beside the point.)
I wonder what is wrong with Leya. Did Peggy poison her?
Looking forward to the next chapter, Barbara.
:O)
Nic
Comment Written 11-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2010
-
I will tell you that Leya is really sick, so you get your wish with Steven. Think you can fight off Peggy? Thank you for your review.
-
Oh yeah. I could take her down!
Comment from L.lora
'Leya [lay(laid?)] back in bed and brought the covers to her chin'
Excellent, well laid out
and easy to understand.
The flow lends a comfortable
pace for the reader. The conflicts
are genuine and their results are
becoming clearer to everyone. Very
anxious for your next post. no nits
or spags... Lora
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2010
|
'Leya [lay(laid?)] back in bed and brought the covers to her chin'
Excellent, well laid out
and easy to understand.
The flow lends a comfortable
pace for the reader. The conflicts
are genuine and their results are
becoming clearer to everyone. Very
anxious for your next post. no nits
or spags... Lora
Comment Written 11-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2010
-
Thank you for the review. I will recheck the lay/laid issue. I always get them mixed up.
-
Wasn't real sure myself, the reason for the question mark... L
-
those pesky little words
-
don't you know it... and as soon as you master one, there will be a new one to come along... You are doing excellent with the story. L
Comment from Dave M
Barbara,
Now, on top of everything else, Leya's sick. Sounds bad, with a sky-high fever, and with Peggy still trying to bad-mouth her. And will there be another assault on their safe house?
I enjoyed this read and have one suggestion:
"I'm nice to you because I'm in love with you, but there's no way I'll ever admit that to you." This is Steven's thought. I'd take out the last two words. After all, Steven has trouble admitting this to himself, let alone others on the DEA team.
Dave
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2010
|
Barbara,
Now, on top of everything else, Leya's sick. Sounds bad, with a sky-high fever, and with Peggy still trying to bad-mouth her. And will there be another assault on their safe house?
I enjoyed this read and have one suggestion:
"I'm nice to you because I'm in love with you, but there's no way I'll ever admit that to you." This is Steven's thought. I'd take out the last two words. After all, Steven has trouble admitting this to himself, let alone others on the DEA team.
Dave
Comment Written 11-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2010
-
Very true. Thank you for the suggestions. I appreciate you taking time to read my post.
Comment from Chalice
This reads as smooth as silk. Nothing outstanding comes to mind as far as a turn off. Its not a genre I am interested in, but it id readable and I felt a stir of interest despite my lack of interest in the theme and plot genre.
Should say something good to you.
Thank you for sharing your process.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2010
|
This reads as smooth as silk. Nothing outstanding comes to mind as far as a turn off. Its not a genre I am interested in, but it id readable and I felt a stir of interest despite my lack of interest in the theme and plot genre.
Should say something good to you.
Thank you for sharing your process.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2010
-
Thank you for your review.
Comment from jayesnb
This was another wonderfully written chapter. No errors that I could see...
I feel sorry for steven but i am hoping that things work out for him...
I was pleased to see that peggy actually snapped to attention and said "yes sir" for once... great job with this looking forward to the next..
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2010
|
This was another wonderfully written chapter. No errors that I could see...
I feel sorry for steven but i am hoping that things work out for him...
I was pleased to see that peggy actually snapped to attention and said "yes sir" for once... great job with this looking forward to the next..
Comment Written 10-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2010
-
Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Mary's angel
Reading this makes me want to see a movie about it. You can picture Leya's eyes and the fear. You can picture the care of the men with her; I do feel that they were all wanting her attention for themselves even though they all wanted to help. Now, where is the end? I'd love to read it! Very good! Interesting! Is she pregnant?
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2010
|
Reading this makes me want to see a movie about it. You can picture Leya's eyes and the fear. You can picture the care of the men with her; I do feel that they were all wanting her attention for themselves even though they all wanted to help. Now, where is the end? I'd love to read it! Very good! Interesting! Is she pregnant?
Comment Written 10-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2010
-
Thank you for your review.
Comment from RaymondJohn
Excellent action scene. I hope all the chapters aren't so compact, but for this, it is kvery fine. I'll look for more from you. Best wishes. Ray.
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2010
|
Excellent action scene. I hope all the chapters aren't so compact, but for this, it is kvery fine. I'll look for more from you. Best wishes. Ray.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2010
-
Thank you ffor your review and kind words.
Comment from Readywriter52
They have fought off the men who attacked the safe house. Leya is worried that someone could have died. Peggy still believes that Leya told her family where to find her. But now Leya is sick. I wonder if someone poisoned her.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
|
They have fought off the men who attacked the safe house. Leya is worried that someone could have died. Peggy still believes that Leya told her family where to find her. But now Leya is sick. I wonder if someone poisoned her.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
-
HUMM, we will have to wait and see.
Comment from BPL76
This is the first time i have read your work and i like the style you have used
This is sooo good i
will go back to read more
Good JOb
BPL
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
|
This is the first time i have read your work and i like the style you have used
This is sooo good i
will go back to read more
Good JOb
BPL
Comment Written 10-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2010
-
Thank you for your kind review.
