Invisible Friend
A childhood friend42 total reviews
Comment from callingyeti
As a child's poem, that is lovely, and I like the inner rhyme you have between the words 'slumber' and 'comes'. I also like the fact that it is concise, since children seldom have the attention span to wade through long endless poems. The expression is clear. No revision feels necessary, barring one grammatical error where you have 'days end', this should be 'day's end', as expressed this way it is the end belonging to the day. Hope that is a help. J
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2009
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As a child's poem, that is lovely, and I like the inner rhyme you have between the words 'slumber' and 'comes'. I also like the fact that it is concise, since children seldom have the attention span to wade through long endless poems. The expression is clear. No revision feels necessary, barring one grammatical error where you have 'days end', this should be 'day's end', as expressed this way it is the end belonging to the day. Hope that is a help. J
Comment Written 26-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2009
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Thank you for seeing the inner rhyme in the poem and thanks for the correction. I appreciate the great rating.
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It's a pleasure
Comment from Juliette Chamberlain
Your words will appeal to all dog lovers, and there are many of us on Fanstory.
A shame that she was only an imaginary friend, nonetheless she obviously brought you much comfort.
An emotive and nicely written poem.
Juliette
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2009
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Your words will appeal to all dog lovers, and there are many of us on Fanstory.
A shame that she was only an imaginary friend, nonetheless she obviously brought you much comfort.
An emotive and nicely written poem.
Juliette
Comment Written 26-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2009
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Soon, I will be in the market for a 'real' Peaches puppy! Thank you for the great review and your sweet words.
Comment from skye
That is an unusual invisible friend. My kids had people. I had not heard of having an animal.
Your poem is sweet, with much empathy and underlying the whole is the sadness... the need for a friend.
Very well done.
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2009
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That is an unusual invisible friend. My kids had people. I had not heard of having an animal.
Your poem is sweet, with much empathy and underlying the whole is the sadness... the need for a friend.
Very well done.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2009
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Thank you for the great review. Yes, it was unusual, but oh, the sweetness of her (Peaches) smile!
Comment from Kingsland
this poem just put the biggest smile upon my face.For it shows the love of someone for animals. I found this verse to be well written and flow smoothly though its thoughts.It was just a joy to have written a review for... John
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2009
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this poem just put the biggest smile upon my face.For it shows the love of someone for animals. I found this verse to be well written and flow smoothly though its thoughts.It was just a joy to have written a review for... John
Comment Written 26-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2009
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Thank you so much for reading my poem and the great rating. You just put a smile on my face because of your words. I'm so glad you enjoyed it!
Comment from Tellis
Yes your dog is always there for you, even if you forget to let them out before going to work. I enjoyed reading the excellent story.
Tellis
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2009
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Yes your dog is always there for you, even if you forget to let them out before going to work. I enjoyed reading the excellent story.
Tellis
Comment Written 26-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2009
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I am so glad you enjoyed this piece. Yes, our furry friends are very forgiving. Thank you for the great rating.
Comment from dayan1980
This is probably the first poem that I have read that is shorter that i have really enjoyed.
Good work and look forward to reading more.
Dayan
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2009
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This is probably the first poem that I have read that is shorter that i have really enjoyed.
Good work and look forward to reading more.
Dayan
Comment Written 26-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2009
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Thank you for the great rating and I'm glad you enjoyed the short work.
Comment from smileycloud
hey
a very enchanting piece of good poetry
the rhyme is almost lyrical
the display is perfect
your words paint a endearing picture
have a smiley day
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2009
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hey
a very enchanting piece of good poetry
the rhyme is almost lyrical
the display is perfect
your words paint a endearing picture
have a smiley day
Comment Written 26-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2009
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Thank you for the great rating and a smiley day back at you!
Comment from Mark Nolan
I too have a little dog, a westie seen on my profile so I love dogs. I appreciated what you wrote and it flowed freely also. well done
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2009
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I too have a little dog, a westie seen on my profile so I love dogs. I appreciated what you wrote and it flowed freely also. well done
Comment Written 26-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2009
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I am so happy that you are another dog lover! Say hello to your westie for me. Thank you for taking the time to read and for the great rating.
Comment from tati
Hi, GentleWind, this is truly lovely. My two grandchildren loved to read this too. It flows smoothly, with good use of imagery, great rhythm and rhyme. The picture goes wonderfully together with your words. Thank you for sharing; best wishes. (tati, Nov. 26, 2009)
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2009
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Hi, GentleWind, this is truly lovely. My two grandchildren loved to read this too. It flows smoothly, with good use of imagery, great rhythm and rhyme. The picture goes wonderfully together with your words. Thank you for sharing; best wishes. (tati, Nov. 26, 2009)
Comment Written 26-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2009
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I am so honored that you thought my little doggy poem was worthy of your grandchildren! Thanks for the great rating.
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You're welcome, GentleWind (what a beautiful screen name!) Have a nice day.
tati
Comment from mountainwriter49
I enjoyed reading your poem. As one who loves dogs, I can relate to your poem and while reading, I thought of the dogs I had during my childhood. Your rhyming scheme is good and easy.
May I offer a suggestion or two for you to consider?
1) First, a SPAG issue: Line 4, "days" should be "day's"
2) and this is just a thought. line 2 has the word friend used twice and the word is used four times in the short stanza. At the minimum, I'd adjust line 2 to read" A special friend to me". This would get rid of one of the "friends" and would remove the redundancy in the line.
Thanks for crafting and sharing your poem. M
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2009
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I enjoyed reading your poem. As one who loves dogs, I can relate to your poem and while reading, I thought of the dogs I had during my childhood. Your rhyming scheme is good and easy.
May I offer a suggestion or two for you to consider?
1) First, a SPAG issue: Line 4, "days" should be "day's"
2) and this is just a thought. line 2 has the word friend used twice and the word is used four times in the short stanza. At the minimum, I'd adjust line 2 to read" A special friend to me". This would get rid of one of the "friends" and would remove the redundancy in the line.
Thanks for crafting and sharing your poem. M
Comment Written 26-Nov-2009
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2009
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I'm honored to think that my poem brought wonderful memories back of your furry friends from childhood. Thank you for the suggestions and the great rating. Yes, I will take a look.
