Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Chapter 3 Part 3"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
41 total reviews
Comment from rivki1111
Hello Barbara, nice to meet you at FS...your story is entertaining, your dialogue making the story flow, as it is realistic.
My only suggestion for improvement would be to try to be a bit more sparing when using characters names. You can often get rid of a few in the dialogue, as long as the reader knows who is talking. And in natural conversations, we tend to use names less frequently,than in the written word.
Cheers, and thanks for sharing your story, it is one I would recommend, rivki
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2009
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Hello Barbara, nice to meet you at FS...your story is entertaining, your dialogue making the story flow, as it is realistic.
My only suggestion for improvement would be to try to be a bit more sparing when using characters names. You can often get rid of a few in the dialogue, as long as the reader knows who is talking. And in natural conversations, we tend to use names less frequently,than in the written word.
Cheers, and thanks for sharing your story, it is one I would recommend, rivki
Comment Written 14-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2009
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Thank you. I will take a second look.
Comment from fictionwriter
Another interesting chapter in the saga. I don't think that Carlos would assume anything. It's just asking for trouble. well done.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2009
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Another interesting chapter in the saga. I don't think that Carlos would assume anything. It's just asking for trouble. well done.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2009
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I think you may be correct on that. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Readywriter52
I don't know if I like Dani solution or not. If Steven marries Leya won't that make Carlos angry? Who know what an angry Carlos will do. Maybe he will terminate the marriage by killing Steven. I understand in some places that is better than a divorce.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2009
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I don't know if I like Dani solution or not. If Steven marries Leya won't that make Carlos angry? Who know what an angry Carlos will do. Maybe he will terminate the marriage by killing Steven. I understand in some places that is better than a divorce.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2009
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You could be right. Is Steven's life now in danger, would Leya come to his rescue, HUMMMMMM... Thanks for your review.
Comment from Queenise
Hi,
This is a good story. I am fully engaged in the drama. It has a good flow and is intriguing and makes you want to read more. Vivid descriptions. Would recommend to others.
Would like to know if you have all of this finished. Best wishes. Queenise
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2009
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Hi,
This is a good story. I am fully engaged in the drama. It has a good flow and is intriguing and makes you want to read more. Vivid descriptions. Would recommend to others.
Would like to know if you have all of this finished. Best wishes. Queenise
Comment Written 13-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2009
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Yes, this novel is complete.
Comment from adewpearl
Oh, already I see all the complications of this little solution that sounds so darned obvious and easy! LOL I'm just going to go ahead and bet the whole non- consummation thing doesn't last. :-) This is getting interesting. Brooke
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2009
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Oh, already I see all the complications of this little solution that sounds so darned obvious and easy! LOL I'm just going to go ahead and bet the whole non- consummation thing doesn't last. :-) This is getting interesting. Brooke
Comment Written 13-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2009
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OK, it's 17 reviews that the marriage gets consumated 0 it's doesn't. I'm keeping score. Thank you. I love hearing from you.
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If someone thinks it will work, we can chalk that up as the most naive reader on the planet! LOL
Comment from Summer Falls
Ummm if Steven marries Leya, she will not remain a virgin! Or will she? Hmmm ... great hook, Barbara. Oh man, Carlos is going to be livid!! Her father is already ticked and what she is doing will lead him to insane anger. OMG I can see this is going to be an action packed book.
Great stuff
Summer
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2009
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Ummm if Steven marries Leya, she will not remain a virgin! Or will she? Hmmm ... great hook, Barbara. Oh man, Carlos is going to be livid!! Her father is already ticked and what she is doing will lead him to insane anger. OMG I can see this is going to be an action packed book.
Great stuff
Summer
Comment Written 13-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2009
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Oh yes. Thank you for your review. I appreciate your comments.
Comment from MissMerri
I found this absolutely captivating reading. There was nothing to yank me out of the story. It flowed beautifully and effortlessly, the dialogue was great and the characters totally believable. I loved the way you inserted little actions that helped bring the scene to life. It was like watching a movie. I can't wait to read the rest of the story.
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2009
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I found this absolutely captivating reading. There was nothing to yank me out of the story. It flowed beautifully and effortlessly, the dialogue was great and the characters totally believable. I loved the way you inserted little actions that helped bring the scene to life. It was like watching a movie. I can't wait to read the rest of the story.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2009
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Thank you for your review. I appreciate your kind words.
Comment from Gary D. Hardy
If I didn't say so in the last chapter, then I"m saying it now. You do good work. I enjoyed last chapter and this one even better. The suspense builds. Can't wait till the next one. Again, a good job.-Regards----------Gary
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2009
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If I didn't say so in the last chapter, then I"m saying it now. You do good work. I enjoyed last chapter and this one even better. The suspense builds. Can't wait till the next one. Again, a good job.-Regards----------Gary
Comment Written 13-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2009
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Thank you for your review. I appreciate your support.
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Your very welcome. Write on.-------------------------Gary
Comment from Freeflyer
I am not sure that Steven is the right one to marry Leya. The attraction that these two have for each other might lead to events where an annulment will be impossible. Oh well, if she agrees than they know the risks.
Freeflyer
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2009
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I am not sure that Steven is the right one to marry Leya. The attraction that these two have for each other might lead to events where an annulment will be impossible. Oh well, if she agrees than they know the risks.
Freeflyer
Comment Written 13-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2009
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What and see. I can promise sparks fly. Thank you for your review. I appreciate your kinds words and trying to figure it out.
Comment from L.lora
Yea, and do you really think that the marriage between those two wouldn't be consummated since they've obviously already had the hots for each other even if there were ulterior motives..LOL. Good strong presentation, logical and realistic..great follow through and easy flow for the reader..no nits. Lora
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2009
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Yea, and do you really think that the marriage between those two wouldn't be consummated since they've obviously already had the hots for each other even if there were ulterior motives..LOL. Good strong presentation, logical and realistic..great follow through and easy flow for the reader..no nits. Lora
Comment Written 13-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2009
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Thank you for your review. I appreciate your continued support. Most my fans honestly believe the marriage will be consummated, I wonder why????
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I think she has a thing for him anyway but gotta hand it to her for the original thought of how to get what she wants...LOL.. Shoot maybe she is just really good at what she does and is actually going to be a plant, an infilterate to their organization...who knows? L