Tantalizing Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Chapter 2 Part 5"Dishonesty VS Love. Which will win?
37 total reviews
Comment from sgalletti
Hi! As promised, I'm working to keep up with your posts. Leya Maria Santiago Vegas - loved the way you emphasized her full name. Please don't give up! I did appreciate that this was a shorter post than most to read and review. And, I'm looking forward to the final part to Chapter 2....Sue
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2009
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Hi! As promised, I'm working to keep up with your posts. Leya Maria Santiago Vegas - loved the way you emphasized her full name. Please don't give up! I did appreciate that this was a shorter post than most to read and review. And, I'm looking forward to the final part to Chapter 2....Sue
Comment Written 28-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2009
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This is the final part of Chapter 2.
Comment from Juliette Chamberlain
I know that feeling of knowing where you want the story to go, but somehow it resists direction.
Anyway it is obvious that there has been no development in the relationship between Leya and Stephen as yet, although one can sense the electricity in the air.
Geoff's arrival may serve to stall any advancement for a while.
Another good chapter.
Juliette
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2009
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I know that feeling of knowing where you want the story to go, but somehow it resists direction.
Anyway it is obvious that there has been no development in the relationship between Leya and Stephen as yet, although one can sense the electricity in the air.
Geoff's arrival may serve to stall any advancement for a while.
Another good chapter.
Juliette
Comment Written 28-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2009
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Thank you for your review. I appreciate your loyality.
Comment from ladybird
This chapter is okay but lacks its usual depth and felt rushed and not up to your usual good standard. I think in parts,as when Steven went to meet the 'copter and Eric stepped down, there could have been a little more elaboration, even if only a couple of sentences dialogue is fine but that's all the piece seems to be considering the different actions that take place.
"Geoff was injected with (heroine) and beaten. heroin
Steven helped Eric assist Geoff Wilson to a vacant bedroom. This reads odd. Helped and assist mean basically the same thing
After watching the helicopter (disappeared) over the horizon, disappear
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reply by the author on 28-Aug-2009
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This chapter is okay but lacks its usual depth and felt rushed and not up to your usual good standard. I think in parts,as when Steven went to meet the 'copter and Eric stepped down, there could have been a little more elaboration, even if only a couple of sentences dialogue is fine but that's all the piece seems to be considering the different actions that take place.
"Geoff was injected with (heroine) and beaten. heroin
Steven helped Eric assist Geoff Wilson to a vacant bedroom. This reads odd. Helped and assist mean basically the same thing
After watching the helicopter (disappeared) over the horizon, disappear
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2009
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I had to go back and check. I couldn't believe I made that glaring of an error, but I sure did. Thank you for catching it.
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You're welcome.
Comment from jadapenn
Hi Barbara, nice chapter. I see Matt is still heavily involved. I can't quite remember where Geoff fits in.
Gremlins:
"Matt will give you further instructions." Steven walked toward the door.
As the two men walked to the helicopter, they discussed the possibility (2 x walked in quick succession - perhaps replace one with strode.)
Luv jada
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2009
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Hi Barbara, nice chapter. I see Matt is still heavily involved. I can't quite remember where Geoff fits in.
Gremlins:
"Matt will give you further instructions." Steven walked toward the door.
As the two men walked to the helicopter, they discussed the possibility (2 x walked in quick succession - perhaps replace one with strode.)
Luv jada
Comment Written 28-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2009
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Thank you. I will get on them.
Comment from rmdelta
barbara,
great chapter, filled with strong dialogue, my friend. I really enjoy watching someone write dialogue the way you do, smooth and realistic. Great work, BArbara
Reggie
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2009
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barbara,
great chapter, filled with strong dialogue, my friend. I really enjoy watching someone write dialogue the way you do, smooth and realistic. Great work, BArbara
Reggie
Comment Written 28-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2009
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Thank you. Coming from you that's a great compliment.
Comment from Shane Marquardt
Good post. I am thoroughly enjoying your story. My one suggestion is this, at times Steve seems as though he is unsure of his job. For instance, when he asks, "How do I do that?"
From experience, I know a woman can mess with the mind :)
But a man with Steve's job wouldn't let a boss or fellow man know this. He would follow protocol. Then this would make her seduction and her distracting ways all the more potent.
Good work. Looking forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2009
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Good post. I am thoroughly enjoying your story. My one suggestion is this, at times Steve seems as though he is unsure of his job. For instance, when he asks, "How do I do that?"
From experience, I know a woman can mess with the mind :)
But a man with Steve's job wouldn't let a boss or fellow man know this. He would follow protocol. Then this would make her seduction and her distracting ways all the more potent.
Good work. Looking forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2009
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I must not have made it clear, but Matt is more than Steven's boss. He is a close a friend. Maybe men don't have bosses that can also be close friends. I have more than once. What do you think?
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No, you are right. That does put a different spin on it.
Comment from empire76
Short chapter. Poor Geoff. The hazards of the job (I see a story there - him and the nurse who takes care of him. LOL)
- As he spoke with Matt, Leya walk(ed) into the bedroom.
First, should be walked rather than walk. Also, this is an opportunity for more. How is he feeling? Had he finished the conversation when she walked in. Isn't he at least wondering if she heard anything? etc
- Once again, her eyes captivated him and read his deepest, most private thoughts.
Hm ... not sure about this. Technically, he can't know that she read his deepest most private thougths (and I am not sure she can). However, he could certainly FEEL like she could read it or maybe sense that his deepest thoughts are laid bare since he can't seem to resist. Something that makes us know it's in his head/thoughts (his POV)
E
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2009
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Short chapter. Poor Geoff. The hazards of the job (I see a story there - him and the nurse who takes care of him. LOL)
- As he spoke with Matt, Leya walk(ed) into the bedroom.
First, should be walked rather than walk. Also, this is an opportunity for more. How is he feeling? Had he finished the conversation when she walked in. Isn't he at least wondering if she heard anything? etc
- Once again, her eyes captivated him and read his deepest, most private thoughts.
Hm ... not sure about this. Technically, he can't know that she read his deepest most private thougths (and I am not sure she can). However, he could certainly FEEL like she could read it or maybe sense that his deepest thoughts are laid bare since he can't seem to resist. Something that makes us know it's in his head/thoughts (his POV)
E
Comment Written 28-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2009
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Thank you. I'm on them.
Comment from eliz100
Your chapter is well-written without SPAG's. There is interesting tension between Steven and Leya which keeps it interesting.
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2009
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Your chapter is well-written without SPAG's. There is interesting tension between Steven and Leya which keeps it interesting.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2009
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Thank you for your review. I appreciate the continued support.
Comment from Readywriter52
Leya has settled into the safe house. Geoff will stay there for medical reasons. The chapter end when Steven and Leya eyes meet. Maybe a relationship will form?
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2009
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Leya has settled into the safe house. Geoff will stay there for medical reasons. The chapter end when Steven and Leya eyes meet. Maybe a relationship will form?
Comment Written 28-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2009
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Maybe? Thank you for your review.
Comment from FredCollingwood
Leyla sounds pretty sexy. Great story. One thing you might want to look at:
I called a few minutes ago() and Michael explained what happened > add comma
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2009
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Leyla sounds pretty sexy. Great story. One thing you might want to look at:
I called a few minutes ago() and Michael explained what happened > add comma
Comment Written 27-Aug-2009
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2009
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Thank you, you are so right.