The Faith of a Little Child
A true story that happened with my children.30 total reviews
Comment from ExperiencingLiphe
THis is funny but cute. Never doubt a small child I guess. I'm babysitting all weekend and I hope I have a little cute story like this to tell.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2009
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THis is funny but cute. Never doubt a small child I guess. I'm babysitting all weekend and I hope I have a little cute story like this to tell.
Comment Written 27-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2009
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Thank Red Bird for reading and commenting on my story.
Beth
Comment from LexieMannix
That's a lovely write, especially the duel aspect of a child's faith being reinforced as well as a mother's. It was honestly and well written, very heartening.
Lexie
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2009
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That's a lovely write, especially the duel aspect of a child's faith being reinforced as well as a mother's. It was honestly and well written, very heartening.
Lexie
Comment Written 27-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2009
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Thank you for reviewing my work and for your kind words.
Comment from Jazh
This is a wonderful story - I really enjoyed it. Your description of events is fluent and authentic. I think that children have the greatest capacity for faith, uncluttered by the negative forces of adulthood. I'm so glad your little girl got her watch back all those years ago. Good luck with the contest. :)
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2009
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This is a wonderful story - I really enjoyed it. Your description of events is fluent and authentic. I think that children have the greatest capacity for faith, uncluttered by the negative forces of adulthood. I'm so glad your little girl got her watch back all those years ago. Good luck with the contest. :)
Comment Written 27-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2009
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Thank you for reading and reviewing my story. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Beth
Comment from oledihard
A beautifully story about having faith. Written so well and such good use of description, dialogue and you moved it along. I found a few minor errors. On the commas...I'm not so good with those so forgive me if I am wrong.
1. "...the children paddled around in the water,(laughing) and splashing..."(You need a space after the comma in water.)
2. "...the water cooled rapidly so they..."(Your sentence drops to the next line.)
3."...ran back to the beach(,) with the rest of us..."(does this comma go here?)
4. "...she added seeing my pained (e)xpresstion,..."
5. "We hadn't even thought to leave (or) address with the peple."
6. "...the Twin's day car (1)center."
7. "...I didn't get my watch back, today, but (I) going to get it..."
8. "It(,) certainly(,) looked like her watch,..."(do these commas belong here?)
9. "Why," I wondered, would the God of Heaven..."(you have quotation here but no one is speaking)
I hope I could help. I'm very bad with commas so just a warning. LOL, Kandie
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2009
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A beautifully story about having faith. Written so well and such good use of description, dialogue and you moved it along. I found a few minor errors. On the commas...I'm not so good with those so forgive me if I am wrong.
1. "...the children paddled around in the water,(laughing) and splashing..."(You need a space after the comma in water.)
2. "...the water cooled rapidly so they..."(Your sentence drops to the next line.)
3."...ran back to the beach(,) with the rest of us..."(does this comma go here?)
4. "...she added seeing my pained (e)xpresstion,..."
5. "We hadn't even thought to leave (or) address with the peple."
6. "...the Twin's day car (1)center."
7. "...I didn't get my watch back, today, but (I) going to get it..."
8. "It(,) certainly(,) looked like her watch,..."(do these commas belong here?)
9. "Why," I wondered, would the God of Heaven..."(you have quotation here but no one is speaking)
I hope I could help. I'm very bad with commas so just a warning. LOL, Kandie
Comment Written 26-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2009
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Thank you so much for your very detailed review. This is very helpful. I will work on those errors you pointed out the first chance I get. Thank for your ratinga and for your kind words.
Comment from lkatka
This is a GREAT story and it's written well too. Jesus told us we have to have the faith of a child. This is a wonderful example. Adults can learn from children.
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2009
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This is a GREAT story and it's written well too. Jesus told us we have to have the faith of a child. This is a wonderful example. Adults can learn from children.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2009
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Thank you for taking the time to read and comment and rate my story. I'm so glad you like it.
Beth
Comment from lola29
That was so inspirational. We learn so much from little children. Their faith is gigantic and really that's what God wants - faith as little children. Excellent!
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2009
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That was so inspirational. We learn so much from little children. Their faith is gigantic and really that's what God wants - faith as little children. Excellent!
Comment Written 26-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2009
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Thank you for your review and rating. I'm glad you found it inspirational. The experience was very insprirational for me. I learned a lot from that child.
Comment from Cecelia Mary
After reading the title (very well chosen), I just wanted to keep reading right up to the end. Even that ending is a surprise and not what I expected.
Carol's faith moved mountains, there is no doubt.
Very inspiring and well written.
Congratulations,
CM
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2009
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After reading the title (very well chosen), I just wanted to keep reading right up to the end. Even that ending is a surprise and not what I expected.
Carol's faith moved mountains, there is no doubt.
Very inspiring and well written.
Congratulations,
CM
Comment Written 26-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2009
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I think I've already thanked you on the other site but I want to say again how much I appreciate you comments.
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I think I've already thanked you on the other site but I want to say again how much I appreciate you comments.
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I think I've already thanked you on the other site but I want to say again how much I appreciate you comments.
Comment from Colin Douglas
A very cute story.
I'm glad you made sure to put in all the conversation instead of just saying what happened.
I think no matter how unlikely the situation, once you saw the bluish stain on the watch, there could be no doubt it was her watch. But I suppose that has nothing to do with how well you presented the story.
Well done.
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2009
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A very cute story.
I'm glad you made sure to put in all the conversation instead of just saying what happened.
I think no matter how unlikely the situation, once you saw the bluish stain on the watch, there could be no doubt it was her watch. But I suppose that has nothing to do with how well you presented the story.
Well done.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2009
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Thank your for reviewing and for you comments and rating.
Beth
Comment from yachtworknz
Beth-Good story. Thank you for shareing.
I'm thinking about what would make this story stronger. I think cutting it by about 25% would do the trick. I think I would do a word count and then start trimming. Each time you trim I think the story will get a little tighter, and soon you'll have it down to a good size.
On the opening line I might start by this-
The weather was Mississippi warm. My husband and I decided to take the kids for a country ride.
This might be stronger, because it is tighter, and also does not give too much away early. Like salt descriptin has to be dashed out in small lots.
Cheers
Scott
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reply by the author on 26-Feb-2009
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Beth-Good story. Thank you for shareing.
I'm thinking about what would make this story stronger. I think cutting it by about 25% would do the trick. I think I would do a word count and then start trimming. Each time you trim I think the story will get a little tighter, and soon you'll have it down to a good size.
On the opening line I might start by this-
The weather was Mississippi warm. My husband and I decided to take the kids for a country ride.
This might be stronger, because it is tighter, and also does not give too much away early. Like salt descriptin has to be dashed out in small lots.
Cheers
Scott
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2009
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Thank you for reading and reviewing my story. I appreciate your suggestions. I will take them into consideration. Beth
Comment from MsRefusenik
Well, it says in the Bible even the hairs on our heads our counted. From the little things to the big, God cares. What a wonderful story of faith and belief. Thank you for sharing it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2009
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Well, it says in the Bible even the hairs on our heads our counted. From the little things to the big, God cares. What a wonderful story of faith and belief. Thank you for sharing it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2009
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2009
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Thank you so much for your review and you kind words.
Beth