CSP: A Collection of Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 109 "Cloud of Sand"A collection of poetry
24 total reviews
Comment from Hitcher
I've been there seen it and felt the sting of it on my face, that is a great Haiku Sue, you took me there and I lived it for a moment. Definitely the best haiku I have read for a while friend.
We might need a discussion, you can give me some pointers, I have got to try one!
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2009
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I've been there seen it and felt the sting of it on my face, that is a great Haiku Sue, you took me there and I lived it for a moment. Definitely the best haiku I have read for a while friend.
We might need a discussion, you can give me some pointers, I have got to try one!
Comment Written 07-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2009
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Hitch, what a great compliment! Thank so SO much! So glad you described your feelings when reading it. Awesome... Sue
Comment from gjensen
I love your second line: "shifting sands at wind's command". I know that most haiku don't have a rhyming scheme, but this is very effective here. Actually, I think the entire poem is excellent. I don't know much about haiku, but I think the first line only contains 4 syllables. Maybe putting "a dry desert dune" would be a fix, but who cares? Good work.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2009
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I love your second line: "shifting sands at wind's command". I know that most haiku don't have a rhyming scheme, but this is very effective here. Actually, I think the entire poem is excellent. I don't know much about haiku, but I think the first line only contains 4 syllables. Maybe putting "a dry desert dune" would be a fix, but who cares? Good work.
Comment Written 07-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2009
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gjensen, thanks so much for this very fine review! You are correct. I only had 4 syllables and had to run to edit it! I would've been run out of Dodge with that! Ha! Sue
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gjensen, thanks so much for this very fine review! You are correct. I only had 4 syllables and had to run to edit it! I would've been run out of Dodge with that! Ha! Sue
Comment from adewpearl
Ray is being strict about all the rules - so warning - your first line has only 4 syllables, not five - once you take care of that you are good
the first line is completely alliterative according to rules and the image is lovely to visualize - and the first two lines interconnect - I can just imagine the shifting sands of the dunes in the wind - the final satori line, separate from the first two sets a good tone
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reply by the author on 07-Jan-2009
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Ray is being strict about all the rules - so warning - your first line has only 4 syllables, not five - once you take care of that you are good
the first line is completely alliterative according to rules and the image is lovely to visualize - and the first two lines interconnect - I can just imagine the shifting sands of the dunes in the wind - the final satori line, separate from the first two sets a good tone
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Jan-2009
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2009
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Brooke, yeah a MAJOR faux pas! Saw that and changed it quick-smart! Thanks for the heads-up, though. Thank you for your review and comments! Sue
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good fix! :-)
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thanks for that, brooke!
Comment from Jazh
Beautiful haiku....I loved the alliteration. You paint a vivid picture - I could feel the sand between my toes! Well done, and good luck with it. :)
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Beautiful haiku....I loved the alliteration. You paint a vivid picture - I could feel the sand between my toes! Well done, and good luck with it. :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Jan-2009