Comment from NASKAN

Good

If romance is not your genre well will have to discover what is -as a very enjoyable short story. At first it seemed uncomfortable - vague even but that sharpened the focus on Harry's thoughts which are well described. He seems isolated even with his wife which is sad - this sense lingers even when she returns. Its true love that's for sure - souls together even with those stretched seams - a nice line. Its an easy read and holds you to the end which is happy....look forward to more...

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 Comment Written 08-Sep-2008

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reply by the author on 08-Sep-2008

Thanks for reviewing. Was the loss of a star due to just overall poor writing or was it for specific areas where you feel improvement is needed? If specific areas, please let me know where. Not complaining, just curious. ann

Comment from sharon fallis

Excellent

I'm not very good at criticism, so will just say that I felt this was an excellent read. It held my attention all the way through. I felt it to be a humanly possible story, and that is what makes this kind of writing good. Good visuals and imagery. Sharon

 Comment Written 08-Sep-2008

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reply by the author on 08-Sep-2008

Thanks so very much for the generous review. I'm glad you stopped by. ann

Comment from Norzah

Excellent

The make-up part of the story (when they appreciated each other's presence, realized that they needed each other as much as before and felt sorry for having parted without a kiss), is very convincing. It's the part that
led to the misunderstanding and slamming doors that needs a little tuning up to make readers share the anger felt by each party. If you can really feel the anger which Harry and Sara experienced before parting, the reconciliation scene would be that musch more satisfying. Love the read all the same.

 Comment Written 08-Sep-2008

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reply by the author on 08-Sep-2008

I appreciate your comments. You are probably right about the lack of build up to the make up and I'll take another look at it. I sort of based the whole scene on my own experiences. After 25 years, the heat of argument was never that great, but the make-up was! Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. ann

Comment from tteach

Excellent

You did a good job! It has drama, background fill about the depth of their love, anger, reconciliation, and "sex." I agree about not writing romance.

This is a tough genre, for sure.
terry

 Comment Written 07-Sep-2008

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reply by the author on 08-Sep-2008

Thank you. I appreciate your continued support and generous review. I think I'm done with romance writing! ann

Comment from DrCook

Excellent

Good job in setting the scene and solving the problem, but mI am not sure most women would be all better due to a glass of wine and a bubble bath. But then maybe I just know difficult women!:-)

 Comment Written 07-Sep-2008

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reply by the author on 08-Sep-2008

Maybe not the glass of wine and the bubble bath -- perhaps its the 25 years together than allows her to know and appreciate what will follow. --or maybe I'm just easy!!! lol. Thanks for the generous review and stopping by to comment. ann

Comment from Candis

Excellent

Ah! I have been very busy this summer and I had hoped that I would spend more time reviewing but alas, not any time so now that I'm attempting to get back into it, I find you!! You're a wonderful writer and I am so glad you are still doing it. Your story was grand. I believe it had all the ingredients you were supposed to have and more. I got so involved in reading it that I didn't look for errors. After 25 years, most couples don't even care to say I'm sorry and don't bother at all with the romance. You did romance proud and could write it easily. Great job and you are one of the reasons I'm glad I stopped back into Fanstory!

 Comment Written 07-Sep-2008

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reply by the author on 08-Sep-2008

You are so sweet to say such kind things! Thanks so much for the generous review and for taking the time to share thoughts. I'm glad you stopped back into fanstory too! Please stay around. ann

Comment from wirenut

Excellent

Annmuma

deffinitely problem solution and conclusion, well presented and expertly written as if it is biographical. I know it is in my biography... several times. But I don't do romance, I am a guy. We are pigs and not too sensitive about all that stuff, mostly mecanical animals;-) LOL

well done, good luck in the contest...

rick

 Comment Written 07-Sep-2008

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reply by the author on 08-Sep-2008

Definitely in my biography a number of times! Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I appreciate your support. ann

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

I loved it. Your characters were well defined as was the conflict. As with all romance stories, you made the reader relate to the heroine. I felt the actions, not sure it was enough for the contest, but it's certainly there. I did feel you over used the word had.

 Comment Written 07-Sep-2008

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reply by the author on 08-Sep-2008

I'm not sure it is enough for the contest either. Going to do a lot more review and editing to see if I can bring it up to snuff! thanks for your generous review and kind comments. ann

Comment from TamaraTel

Excellent

This was really well done. Action sure did speak louder than words in the write. Seems like you did meet all of the requirements for the contest. Good luck.

 Comment Written 07-Sep-2008

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reply by the author on 07-Sep-2008

Thanks so much. I'll need all of the luck I can get in this one. I appreciate your stopping by. ann

Comment from Earthwriter

Excellent

i think you did a wondereful job with this piece i really enjoyed it and i think a very strong entry into this contest excellent job my friend good luck

 Comment Written 07-Sep-2008

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reply by the author on 07-Sep-2008

Appreciate the generous review and good luck wishes. I need all I can get in this contest! Thanks for stopping by. ann