Would I live?
A soldier lays gravely wounded. He prays to God to live.32 total reviews
Comment from zanya
This poem makes a convincing statement on a number of fronts but most especially about prayer and also about war, both powerful forces in our lives - wish I had 6 stars for this one. Has my vote.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2024
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This poem makes a convincing statement on a number of fronts but most especially about prayer and also about war, both powerful forces in our lives - wish I had 6 stars for this one. Has my vote.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2024
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Thank you for your kind words. Poetry is not my strong point. I write short stories. My grandfather and mother were true poets. I could never be as good as them. However, I know they are proud of me.
A six star is always nice. But a review such as yours means just as much if not more. Thank you again for reading my piece.
Comment from karenina
Vietnam was the war of my generation. I have far too many friends whose names are etched on "The Wall" and as I read this, I felt the sorrow and loss of every one of them. You've sprinkled some rhyme, which is perfectly fine in a free verse poem... and added some alliteration with, for example: The "G" in "grateful to God for giving me one more day.
I am alive to hear the sweetest words any man can hear. "That's our granddaddy."
Bless those who came home, albeit to a frequently hostile environment. War truly is hell. It's a shame those veterans experienced the animus of a torn society.
I see "granddaddy" Vets today and go out of my way to thank them for their service!
Thank you for sharing.
Karenina
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2024
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Vietnam was the war of my generation. I have far too many friends whose names are etched on "The Wall" and as I read this, I felt the sorrow and loss of every one of them. You've sprinkled some rhyme, which is perfectly fine in a free verse poem... and added some alliteration with, for example: The "G" in "grateful to God for giving me one more day.
I am alive to hear the sweetest words any man can hear. "That's our granddaddy."
Bless those who came home, albeit to a frequently hostile environment. War truly is hell. It's a shame those veterans experienced the animus of a torn society.
I see "granddaddy" Vets today and go out of my way to thank them for their service!
Thank you for sharing.
Karenina
Comment Written 17-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2024
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I am to in the same generation. Vietnam veterans hold a special place in my heart. First my oldest brother was a Navy Seabee in Vietnam from 1965-1966. Then my middle brother was in the 1st Cavalry Division from 1968-1969. I graduated in 1972, so I missed going. My mother was happy. I don't think she could have taken another son, another year of hell.
Plus, I worked with many Vietnam veterans.
My middle brother was not physically wounded. His was a mental wound. That war cost him a life. He drank to hide his nighmares. Thank God fifteen years ago his Cav brothers met with him and convinced him to go to the VA for treatment. They saved his life. I love to tell people. I have the brother I knew before Vietnam back.
If you look at my writings you will see a lot of stories about Vietnam. All are based on my middle brother, his comrades or those vets I worked with.
I can only hope those stories do those men a justice they deserve.
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As an RN I worked for a year at the VA hospital, on the licked ward for Vietnam vets who never recovered from their PTSD...
God bless you for writing about your brothers, and all our Vets!
I'm off to fan you!
Comment from Begin Again
Every man or woman who steps up and places their life on the line for our country and for every one of us deserves to be known as a hero and be always treated with respect and honor. Your poem says it all...how they hoped they would come home alive but never knew where that stray bullet was coming from. Thank you for sharing.
Smiles and hugs, Carol
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2024
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Every man or woman who steps up and places their life on the line for our country and for every one of us deserves to be known as a hero and be always treated with respect and honor. Your poem says it all...how they hoped they would come home alive but never knew where that stray bullet was coming from. Thank you for sharing.
Smiles and hugs, Carol
Comment Written 17-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2024
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Carol, thank you so much. I have a strong tie with Vietnam veterans. My oldest brother was a Navy Seabee in Vietnam from 1965-1966. My middle brother was with the 1st Cavalry Division in Vietnam from 1968-1969. I graduated in 1972, so I missed going. My mother was grateful. A third son in Vietnam may have killed her.
A lot of my writings are about Vietnam veterans. In some way I hope I am telling their stories so people get some idea of the hell they went through during the war and the hell after they came home. I encourage you to read some of them. That makes me feel I am doing something good for them.
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You are! My first husband (23 years) went to Vietnam in 66=67. I saw first hand what that war and also his homecoming did to him. We are still friends and some of the scars still remain. Thank you for caring!
Comment from Nicki.B
I love this poem, it's written beautifully and you took us through the story so well. It's wonderful how faith and trust in God is what helped keep this veteran alive. And the happy ending of being able to live gratefully each day to tell the tale of survival. Well done.
Best Wishes
Nicki
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2024
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I love this poem, it's written beautifully and you took us through the story so well. It's wonderful how faith and trust in God is what helped keep this veteran alive. And the happy ending of being able to live gratefully each day to tell the tale of survival. Well done.
Best Wishes
Nicki
Comment Written 17-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2024
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Thank you so much Nicki. Vietnam veterans are close to my heart. I had two brothers that served in Vietnam, plus I worked with many Vietname veterans. They went though hell in Vietnam and hell back here. If you ever looked at my writings you will see several stories about veterans. I wrote those for people to see what they went though. Especially my brother in the 1st Cav.
Comment from moonsunrise
The power of prayer is so vital when one is hopeless in such a horrific, frightening battlefield. The fear and anguish experienced by the soldier along with the visual of his loved one's face filled with worry upon his leaving to go to war.
Reading your poem brought back memories of two series I watched, "The Pacific" and Band of Brothers", both heart wrenching but what love most soldiers felt for their brothers.
Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2024
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The power of prayer is so vital when one is hopeless in such a horrific, frightening battlefield. The fear and anguish experienced by the soldier along with the visual of his loved one's face filled with worry upon his leaving to go to war.
Reading your poem brought back memories of two series I watched, "The Pacific" and Band of Brothers", both heart wrenching but what love most soldiers felt for their brothers.
Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2024
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Prayer has been an important part of my life. Praying has gotten me through some tough times in my life.
I come from a military family. Service to the country was important. I encourage you to read some of my stories. Out of love for my two brothers I have written several stories of their courage and sacrifice. Thank you for the very kind review.
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I will read them. Thank you
Comment from royowen
Yes, as a grandfather myself who delights in his grandchildren it gives great joy that I likewise have survived the years to enjoy both children and grandchildren, beautifully written work my friend, good luck, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2024
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Yes, as a grandfather myself who delights in his grandchildren it gives great joy that I likewise have survived the years to enjoy both children and grandchildren, beautifully written work my friend, good luck, blessings Roy
Comment Written 15-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2024
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One of the benefits of age are grandchildren. My wife is always teasing me about never growing up. I laugh she is right. Grandchildren allow me to act like a kid again. I am glad you enjoyed my writing. It is appreciated.
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They do indeed
Comment from tempeste
Ciao, the closing lines pack a punch.
Just yesterday I read about a man who yelled to the doctor "cut my leg off, I have children"
Yes, when we feel death is near, we remember God and we start praying to HIM.
I'm not sure if God interferes in such things... Wars are man-made and we should all take the brunt.
I don't see God favouring one man over another, we are all His children.
Today the news is just about the wars in the Middle East and Ukraine.
Netanayu was suggesting bombing even Iran's nuclear sites ..this is total madness
PS> nice to see you are back posting!.
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2024
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Ciao, the closing lines pack a punch.
Just yesterday I read about a man who yelled to the doctor "cut my leg off, I have children"
Yes, when we feel death is near, we remember God and we start praying to HIM.
I'm not sure if God interferes in such things... Wars are man-made and we should all take the brunt.
I don't see God favouring one man over another, we are all His children.
Today the news is just about the wars in the Middle East and Ukraine.
Netanayu was suggesting bombing even Iran's nuclear sites ..this is total madness
PS> nice to see you are back posting!.
Comment Written 03-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2024
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Thank you. The world is insane. I worry about the future of my grandchildren.
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Hi Richard,
This is a stirring poem written from the perspective of a man who suffered one of the most dangerous wounds a war can dish out. It isn't far-fetched, and is so believable. I had a dear friend who was the only survivor of his unit, and he was badly injured. What goes through such a person's head, only they know. You did a great service to those who made it and those that did not.
Take care,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2024
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Hi Richard,
This is a stirring poem written from the perspective of a man who suffered one of the most dangerous wounds a war can dish out. It isn't far-fetched, and is so believable. I had a dear friend who was the only survivor of his unit, and he was badly injured. What goes through such a person's head, only they know. You did a great service to those who made it and those that did not.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment Written 02-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2024
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Thank you for the kind words. I know many of my stories lately seem to revolve around Vietnam. With two brothers and cousins that served in Vietnam. I use my writing to pay honor to them and others like your friend. Part of the reason I do it, is because of the treatment they received when they came home.
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
The feelings and experiences are well done. But the form is uneven and the flow is off. We stumble as we read. Free Form still needs a sense of rhythm. The rhyming has also no stable pattern. It makes us start and stop. The story and feelings are good. The form needs some work. Karen
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reply by the author on 02-Oct-2024
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The feelings and experiences are well done. But the form is uneven and the flow is off. We stumble as we read. Free Form still needs a sense of rhythm. The rhyming has also no stable pattern. It makes us start and stop. The story and feelings are good. The form needs some work. Karen
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2024
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As you can tell this was one of first attempts at a poem. I like trying different forms of writing. I learn from reviews like yours. You can only get better from them. Thank you.
Comment from BethShelby
This is a good poem. I appreciate the sentiment. My husbane was in the Korean War. Thankful he was in Combat Engineers and didn't have to kill anyone and thankfully made it back home.
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2024
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This is a good poem. I appreciate the sentiment. My husbane was in the Korean War. Thankful he was in Combat Engineers and didn't have to kill anyone and thankfully made it back home.
Comment Written 02-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2024
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I am happy you liked it. This was my first attempt at writing a real poem. I have a way to go, but I will keep trying.
Thank you for reading my poem. It is appreciated.