Night gently falls
Reflecting37 total reviews
Comment from Mintybee
Your ABC poem with an added element of rhyme is gorgeous. The soothing sounds of the poem fit with the contemplative nature of the lines. I enjoyed reading this.
Mintybee
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2024
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Your ABC poem with an added element of rhyme is gorgeous. The soothing sounds of the poem fit with the contemplative nature of the lines. I enjoyed reading this.
Mintybee
Comment Written 22-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2024
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Thank you so very much for this lovely review. I am so pleased you enjoyed it. Thank you heaps for the extra star as well. Such a delight.
Wendy
Comment from royowen
This delightful short poem tells a story that transcends appearances, a lot of people prefer the night, it tells of things that need to be hidden, beautifully written Wendy, I love the ambiguity, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2024
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This delightful short poem tells a story that transcends appearances, a lot of people prefer the night, it tells of things that need to be hidden, beautifully written Wendy, I love the ambiguity, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 22-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2024
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Thank you so much. She is awaiting her death, knowing her time is drawing near.
Wendy
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Well done
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Well done
Comment from Cindy Decker 3
Wendy,
This poem is really beautiful..
I was swept away in your words. I think deeply like this, but sometimes find it difficult to put eloquent words on paper.
Great poem, Wendy,
Best wishes,
Cindy
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2024
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Wendy,
This poem is really beautiful..
I was swept away in your words. I think deeply like this, but sometimes find it difficult to put eloquent words on paper.
Great poem, Wendy,
Best wishes,
Cindy
Comment Written 22-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2024
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Thank you Cindy. A lovely review, and I appreciate your kind words.
Wendy
Comment from juliaSjames
There's a serene resignation in this write, a sense of surrendering to the cycle of life that brings to mind that often quoted mantra, "Let go Let God." The double meaning is clear but beautifully managed in your lines. This is brilliant ABC poetry, flowing and meaningful.
I have two editing suggestions for your consideration.
In the third line what do you think of changing "heartfelt thoughts clasped so tight" to " heartfelt thoughts clasped tight"? I think it reads better without affecting the sense of the line.
My other suggestion is more radical. Here goes! You opted for mono rhyme which works well. Except for "sighs" in the fourth line.
I think this would be better placed in the final line.
This is a possible rearrangement in lines four and five.
Spirit now soothed, steady and strong, she awaits the coming night
Twilight tiptoes in and fades - like her gentle sighs
Whether you make changes or not I think this is a beautiful and sensitive write. In my heart I know that I'm not like the woman you portray. All I can do is pray that I cherish each precious moment for as long as I live.
Good luck with the contest committee
Blessings, Julia
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2024
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There's a serene resignation in this write, a sense of surrendering to the cycle of life that brings to mind that often quoted mantra, "Let go Let God." The double meaning is clear but beautifully managed in your lines. This is brilliant ABC poetry, flowing and meaningful.
I have two editing suggestions for your consideration.
In the third line what do you think of changing "heartfelt thoughts clasped so tight" to " heartfelt thoughts clasped tight"? I think it reads better without affecting the sense of the line.
My other suggestion is more radical. Here goes! You opted for mono rhyme which works well. Except for "sighs" in the fourth line.
I think this would be better placed in the final line.
This is a possible rearrangement in lines four and five.
Spirit now soothed, steady and strong, she awaits the coming night
Twilight tiptoes in and fades - like her gentle sighs
Whether you make changes or not I think this is a beautiful and sensitive write. In my heart I know that I'm not like the woman you portray. All I can do is pray that I cherish each precious moment for as long as I live.
Good luck with the contest committee
Blessings, Julia
Comment Written 22-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2024
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And therein lies the difference between a real poet (you) and a wannabe (me). I love your suggestions. That "so" was unnecessary, and did not flow well. Changed. I love your other suggestion, because my gut instinct was that I had overdone the alliteration in the second last line. Yet that was what i wanted to say. Breaking it up is perfect, and finishing with sighs, not quite a rhyme, makes that look intentional at the end. I have adopted all the changes. Thank you for your excellent review and suggestions. They are very much appreciated!
Wendy
Comment from patcelaw
Very nicely written ABC poem for the contest and I wish you the very best with all of your writing. I also wish you the best in the contest. May you have a lovely week and may God bless you. Patricia.
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2024
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Very nicely written ABC poem for the contest and I wish you the very best with all of your writing. I also wish you the best in the contest. May you have a lovely week and may God bless you. Patricia.
Comment Written 22-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2024
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Thank you so much for this kind review! I appreciate it a lot.
Wendy
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
A mesmerising verse capturing the rather poignant scene in the image (I always find autumn and that fading sunlight a sad and reflective time of the year). You've skilfully captured this sense of the in-between, as she awaits nightfall and is almost suspended between day and night, life and death. I note you intended an irregular metre, so I won't say a thing:) Wow, I've just realised it's an ABC verse as well - you're on fire, Wendy! Take care and good luck! Debbie
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2024
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A mesmerising verse capturing the rather poignant scene in the image (I always find autumn and that fading sunlight a sad and reflective time of the year). You've skilfully captured this sense of the in-between, as she awaits nightfall and is almost suspended between day and night, life and death. I note you intended an irregular metre, so I won't say a thing:) Wow, I've just realised it's an ABC verse as well - you're on fire, Wendy! Take care and good luck! Debbie
Comment Written 22-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2024
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Thanks so much Debbie. Yes, ABC was the first priority, to make a meaningful poem which flowed okay despite lack of regular metre. (Let's just say most of my poetry ends up irregular metre, whether I intend it or not! Lol.) Thanks so much for a super review (and for overlooking certain things!) Thanks again.
Wendy
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I think it's nigh on impossible to get a regular metre with an ABC verse...
Comment from Boogienights
This very beautiful and sad at the same time. Sometimes, all we have are memories, which ease the loneliness life can bring. Being close to nature can ease a troubled mind...best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2024
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This very beautiful and sad at the same time. Sometimes, all we have are memories, which ease the loneliness life can bring. Being close to nature can ease a troubled mind...best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 22-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2024
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Many thanks for this lovely review. Much appreciated.
Wendy
Comment from Rachelle Allen
I find this a very challenging form of poetry to make smooth and articulate and SENSICAL!! But, of course, if anyone could manage it, it would be the talented Wendy Gordon! Nicely done poem, very sweet, and very VERY smooth. Good luck in the ABC Poetry contest! xoxox
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2024
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I find this a very challenging form of poetry to make smooth and articulate and SENSICAL!! But, of course, if anyone could manage it, it would be the talented Wendy Gordon! Nicely done poem, very sweet, and very VERY smooth. Good luck in the ABC Poetry contest! xoxox
Comment Written 22-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2024
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Wow, thank you for the very lovely words. Not sure I agree, but lovely of you to say so! I an so pleased you like it. I've done very little poetry this year. Many thanks for the wonderful extra star. Appreciate it greatly!
Comment from Verna Cole Mitchell
I love how you managed to get such deep thoughts into so brief a poem. Your figurative language is excellent, as well as the personification, and the last line has a wonderful double significance.
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2024
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I love how you managed to get such deep thoughts into so brief a poem. Your figurative language is excellent, as well as the personification, and the last line has a wonderful double significance.
Comment Written 22-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2024
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Thank you Verna. You have understood perfectly. What a lovely review - and thank you for the delight of the extra star.
Wendy
Comment from Jodi Ann Anderson
This is a perfect ABC poem. I love the irregular metre in this. It gives it a nice sound when I read it. You gave a nice gentleness to the woman on the bench. Thanks for sharing!
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2024
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This is a perfect ABC poem. I love the irregular metre in this. It gives it a nice sound when I read it. You gave a nice gentleness to the woman on the bench. Thanks for sharing!
Comment Written 22-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2024
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Thank you so much for this lovely review. I appreciate it.
Wendy