Boat That He Took to the Lake
A true quatern36 total reviews
Comment from Mark Jackson
I failed to comment on this earlier and I think it has had a slight edit since that time making it a far more enjoyable read. I like the repetition and movement of that line but it does have to be a strong line which it now is. The narrative is appealing and I cannot blame anyone for not getting in a boat full of snakes.
reply by the author on 07-May-2024
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I failed to comment on this earlier and I think it has had a slight edit since that time making it a far more enjoyable read. I like the repetition and movement of that line but it does have to be a strong line which it now is. The narrative is appealing and I cannot blame anyone for not getting in a boat full of snakes.
Comment Written 04-May-2024
reply by the author on 07-May-2024
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Thanks Mark, and LOL, I used to chase the boys with them when I was little. Isn't that horrible? Haha.
But anyway they are just MN garden snakes so they aren't harmful, but all the men in my husband's family were afraid of snakes.
He is brave otherwise, especially when I see a spider that I hate. Then I am not so brave.
Thanks for your fun review and comments, my friend. Love, Debi
Comment from Begin Again
I am beyond terrified of snakes (a bad childhood experience) but I comment you for your bravery. Though, your poem left me with chills and thoughts of jumping over board from the snake.
Smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 07-May-2024
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I am beyond terrified of snakes (a bad childhood experience) but I comment you for your bravery. Though, your poem left me with chills and thoughts of jumping over board from the snake.
Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 04-May-2024
reply by the author on 07-May-2024
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Hi Carol, and LOL, I used to chase the boys with them when I was little. Isn't that horrible? Haha.
But anyway they are just MN garden snakes so they aren't harmful, but all the men in my husband's family were afraid of snakes.
He is brave otherwise, especially when I see a spider that I hate. Then I am not so brave.
Thanks for your fun review and comments, my friend. Love, Debi
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I, too, was a tomboy in my childhood. There weren't many kids nearby since I grew up in the country and the ones thee were boys or girls much younger than me. Bugs, bees, trees, water none of it scared me, but I was picking flowers one day and found myself squatting on top of a large snake...flowers flew, I ran and the snake slithered away. No snakes for me! Have a great day!!!!
Comment from Gloria ....
The phrase "On boat that he took to the lake" is not grammatically correct. To make it grammatically accurate, and taking into consideration the fact the quatern doesn't require any specific metre you can rephrase it as: The boat that he took to the lake.
This revised version correctly indicates that someone took a specific boat to the lake, or you could make it specific such as this suggestion and follow it through to the end.
The boat he took to Maple Lake
was where he'd be to catch some fish
And hopefully that night he'd make
A walleye trout that is delish
It's always a shock to find a unexpected passenger on one's ride.
Much enjoyed so many thanks for sharing. :)
Gloria
reply by the author on 04-May-2024
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The phrase "On boat that he took to the lake" is not grammatically correct. To make it grammatically accurate, and taking into consideration the fact the quatern doesn't require any specific metre you can rephrase it as: The boat that he took to the lake.
This revised version correctly indicates that someone took a specific boat to the lake, or you could make it specific such as this suggestion and follow it through to the end.
The boat he took to Maple Lake
was where he'd be to catch some fish
And hopefully that night he'd make
A walleye trout that is delish
It's always a shock to find a unexpected passenger on one's ride.
Much enjoyed so many thanks for sharing. :)
Gloria
Comment Written 04-May-2024
reply by the author on 04-May-2024
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Hi Gloria, I actually had it as The boat at first, but changed it so my other lines would make more sense, but you are absolutely right. I should have left it that way. I have become ocd with metre, but if I remember it worked with metre and it did sound better.
Thanks Gloria. I appreciate your feedback.
We only have walleye here, so someone would sure to get me on that technicality, as we don't get trout here. Lol. But I do know what you?re saying.
Thanks for your awesome review and comments. I think I will change it back to how I originally had it, and I love the valuable suggestions. I appreciate it very much.
Love, Debi
Comment from QC Poet
Thank for sharin your husband's snake event in this true quatrain format, I hope it was ok to copy it to use for a reference when writing one myself. God Bless you for Sharing your poem and notes for reference. Blessings to you and yours
reply by the author on 07-May-2024
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Thank for sharin your husband's snake event in this true quatrain format, I hope it was ok to copy it to use for a reference when writing one myself. God Bless you for Sharing your poem and notes for reference. Blessings to you and yours
Comment Written 04-May-2024
reply by the author on 07-May-2024
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Hi QC, and LOL, I used to chase the boys with them when I was little. Isn't that horrible? Haha.
But anyway they are just MN garden snakes so they aren't harmful, but all the men in my husband's family were afraid of snakes.
He is brave otherwise, especially when I see a spider that I hate. Then I am not so brave.
Thanks for your fun review and comments, my friend. Love, Debi
Comment from karenina
Clever quatern, even if it did make me squirm a bit. I'm with Glen.
Probably worse! I have
ophidiophobia ...an EXTREME fear of snakes!
You executed the form very well...
I definitely love the descending repeated line!
Karenina
reply by the author on 07-May-2024
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Clever quatern, even if it did make me squirm a bit. I'm with Glen.
Probably worse! I have
ophidiophobia ...an EXTREME fear of snakes!
You executed the form very well...
I definitely love the descending repeated line!
Karenina
Comment Written 04-May-2024
reply by the author on 07-May-2024
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Hey K, I just could not go to bed until I finished these, so you are my last one, so you are getting a little bit of copy and paste. I hope you don't mind as I had the same thing to tell everyone.
I used to chase the boys with them when I was little. Isn't that horrible? Haha.
But anyway they are just MN garden snakes so they aren't harmful, but all the men in my husband's family were afraid of snakes.
He is brave otherwise, especially when I see a spider that I hate. Then I am not so brave.
Thanks for your fun review and comments, my sweet friend. Love, Debi
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No worries. Thanks for replying! Get some sleep and no dreaming of spiders!
Comment from lyenochka
Great job with your quatern poem, Debi! And good for you being so fearless that you can pick up snakes. That must have really impressed your husband! I hope you don't have any poisonous ones there. I think in the southern states, there are more scary ones like cottonmouths, water moccasins etc.
reply by the author on 04-May-2024
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Great job with your quatern poem, Debi! And good for you being so fearless that you can pick up snakes. That must have really impressed your husband! I hope you don't have any poisonous ones there. I think in the southern states, there are more scary ones like cottonmouths, water moccasins etc.
Comment Written 04-May-2024
reply by the author on 04-May-2024
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Thanks Helen, I've been so excited to try one, but .never knew where I was going with it until I got started. So I tried to make it fun but I think I freaked more people out with it.
. Thanks for coming so quickly. I was most excited to show you since I
Finally did it. Thanks again. Love, Debi
Comment from Janet Foor
I enjoyed your quartern poem Debi but I am one who is afraid of snakes. The boys in my neighborhood when growing up used to chase the girls with snakes. I've never got past the fear of them. So glad you can handle them and save your husband from them too. Great poem.
Blessings
Janet
reply by the author on 03-May-2024
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I enjoyed your quartern poem Debi but I am one who is afraid of snakes. The boys in my neighborhood when growing up used to chase the girls with snakes. I've never got past the fear of them. So glad you can handle them and save your husband from them too. Great poem.
Blessings
Janet
Comment Written 03-May-2024
reply by the author on 03-May-2024
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Hi Janet, and LOL, I used to chase the boys in country school with them. Of course I was pretty young then. But anyway they are just MN garden snakes so they aren't harmful, but all the men in his family were afraid of snakes. He is brave otherwise, especially when I see a spider that I hate.
Thanks for your fun review and comments, my friend. Love, Debi
Comment from jmdg1954
Okay, toughie. Make us guys look bad why don't ya!
I wonder if Glen will ever take the boat out again if you're not with him?
Anyways, I enjoy reading this style poem as the dongle line keeps dropping.
I know I can't write it, do I leave it to you poets to do.
Thank you for writing this poem and sharing it.
You never cease to amaze me!
John
reply by the author on 03-May-2024
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Okay, toughie. Make us guys look bad why don't ya!
I wonder if Glen will ever take the boat out again if you're not with him?
Anyways, I enjoy reading this style poem as the dongle line keeps dropping.
I know I can't write it, do I leave it to you poets to do.
Thank you for writing this poem and sharing it.
You never cease to amaze me!
John
Comment Written 03-May-2024
reply by the author on 03-May-2024
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Well John, LOL, they are just MN garden snakes so they aren't harmful, but all the men in his family were afraid of snakes. He is brave otherwise, especially when I see a spider that I hate.
Thanks for your fun review and comments, my wonderful friend and bro.
Love, Debi
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I?m sure you remember a song titled, Spiders and Snakes from the 70?s. If not, check it out. A catchy simple tune. Haha
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Haha! Jim Stafford. Yes I do
Comment from LateBloomer
Hi Debi, I think if you met a Florida snake, you just might be afraid of snakes--lol, but true. I'm assuming that your poem is speaking of Glen.
Of special note:
To touch one, a chance he won't take
(That's a smart man.)
When a day of fishing turns into catching and releasing snakes.
Big-teeth smile. Xo. M
reply by the author on 03-May-2024
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Hi Debi, I think if you met a Florida snake, you just might be afraid of snakes--lol, but true. I'm assuming that your poem is speaking of Glen.
Of special note:
To touch one, a chance he won't take
(That's a smart man.)
When a day of fishing turns into catching and releasing snakes.
Big-teeth smile. Xo. M
Comment Written 03-May-2024
reply by the author on 03-May-2024
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Well Sis, you may just be right. LOL, here they are just MN garden snakes so they aren't harmful, but all the men in his family were afraid of snakes. He is brave otherwise, especially when I see a spider that I hate.
Thanks for your fun review and comments, my lovely SOTU. Love, Debi
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
I think, even if I'd been of rational mind with one, the prospect of many of these snakes would have got the better of me! I like the effectiveness of that repetitive line which acts as a rather haunting reminder of the event. All vividly captured in your excellent verse. Thanks for sharing, Debi. Take care Debbie
reply by the author on 03-May-2024
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I think, even if I'd been of rational mind with one, the prospect of many of these snakes would have got the better of me! I like the effectiveness of that repetitive line which acts as a rather haunting reminder of the event. All vividly captured in your excellent verse. Thanks for sharing, Debi. Take care Debbie
Comment Written 03-May-2024
reply by the author on 03-May-2024
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LOL, Debbie, it is a quatern, where every stanza the one line gets moved down. My husband hates snakes, so he never did get to fish on that fishing trip, because he would not touch the snakes to get rid of them himself.
The next day when he got home, I had to throw them out for him.
Thanks for the kind comments, my sweet friend. Love, Debi
