The Last Day
My worst fear came true35 total reviews
Comment from bhogg
I've suffered many things, but I don't know of anything that approaches the life of a child. Well written. I didn't spot anything , but was so caught up on your story.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2024
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I've suffered many things, but I don't know of anything that approaches the life of a child. Well written. I didn't spot anything , but was so caught up on your story.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2024
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Thank you. It happened a very long time ago. I have written about the incident previously and it does help.
Comment from jessizero
You did a good job writing this tragic story, but I'm sorry it happened. You're right that sometimes our worst fears come true. Thank you for sharing. I know it couldn't have been easy. Best wishes to you.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2024
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You did a good job writing this tragic story, but I'm sorry it happened. You're right that sometimes our worst fears come true. Thank you for sharing. I know it couldn't have been easy. Best wishes to you.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2024
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Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. Although this happened a very long time ago, the pain never goes away. It gets easier as time passes, but is always there.
Comment from gramalot8
I sm assuming this is a true story. If do, I am very sorry for your loss. I've experienced grief from unexpected death several times in my 75 years. Snd no matter what the relationship, it's always a worse fear... again and again.
Thanks for sharing your heartfelt story with us and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2024
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I sm assuming this is a true story. If do, I am very sorry for your loss. I've experienced grief from unexpected death several times in my 75 years. Snd no matter what the relationship, it's always a worse fear... again and again.
Thanks for sharing your heartfelt story with us and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2024
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Thank you. Yes, it is a true story. You're right about experiencing the pain of death over and over. Death is a part of living and some are harder to bear than others.
Comment from Liz O'Neill
This sounds like a for shadowing to a cautionary tale."so I felt he should be fine." oh my gosh what a terrible shock. I'm so sad for your deep loss. I'm glad you could write about it here. It becomes a healing act. And maybe others can heal also from reading it. Thank you. As a healing dowser I will send healing on all levels if you will receive it.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2024
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This sounds like a for shadowing to a cautionary tale."so I felt he should be fine." oh my gosh what a terrible shock. I'm so sad for your deep loss. I'm glad you could write about it here. It becomes a healing act. And maybe others can heal also from reading it. Thank you. As a healing dowser I will send healing on all levels if you will receive it.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2024
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Thank you for reading and commenting. Although this happened a long time ago, the pain never entirely left. Death is a part of life, but some are harder to bear.
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Yes the pain of loss comes in waves for one thing.
Comment from Dawn Munro
First, please accept my most sincere condolences. Having read this in its entirety, I am reluctant to review it simply because to do so I must remain objective -- an almost impossible task when the topic is such devastating loss, and the write itself, compelling.
"Deer rifles are powerful, and a person would be to suffer grievous injury at the least. I only hoped it was something Roy could recover from."
There is no easy way to offer suggestions on a story as heart-wrenching as this one is -- I too lost a child, an infant, and just writing the story is one of the hardest things I have ever had to write.
That said, my suggestions for the (two) sentences above (in quotes) -- "...I knew for sure he would be injured. Deer rifles are powerful, and without a doubt, a person would suffer grievous injury. I only hoped it would be something from which he could recover."
My next suggesion -- you say, "I couldn't imagine such a thing; it would be my worst fear come true." I wouldn't repeat it here --"Losing Roy was my worst fear, and it came true." << omit
Begin the paragraph here -- "After (the loss of) my other two sons in infancy, I was proud to have such a handsome and loving child. Roy was one of those..."
My final suggestion is to make that last sentence a stand-alone paragraph. "Sometimes, our worst fears do come true."
May God give you comfort, my friend. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2024
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First, please accept my most sincere condolences. Having read this in its entirety, I am reluctant to review it simply because to do so I must remain objective -- an almost impossible task when the topic is such devastating loss, and the write itself, compelling.
"Deer rifles are powerful, and a person would be to suffer grievous injury at the least. I only hoped it was something Roy could recover from."
There is no easy way to offer suggestions on a story as heart-wrenching as this one is -- I too lost a child, an infant, and just writing the story is one of the hardest things I have ever had to write.
That said, my suggestions for the (two) sentences above (in quotes) -- "...I knew for sure he would be injured. Deer rifles are powerful, and without a doubt, a person would suffer grievous injury. I only hoped it would be something from which he could recover."
My next suggesion -- you say, "I couldn't imagine such a thing; it would be my worst fear come true." I wouldn't repeat it here --"Losing Roy was my worst fear, and it came true." << omit
Begin the paragraph here -- "After (the loss of) my other two sons in infancy, I was proud to have such a handsome and loving child. Roy was one of those..."
My final suggestion is to make that last sentence a stand-alone paragraph. "Sometimes, our worst fears do come true."
May God give you comfort, my friend. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2024
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Thank you for the tips. Your way sounds better, so I will edit and correct it. I appreciate the reviewers who suggest revisions. I hurriedly wrote this to prepare it in time for the contest. Usually, I let a story sit overnight and do revisions the next day.
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You are very welcome. I think your story will do well in the contest.
Comment from Mrs. KT
Oh my goodness, prettybluebirds,
There are truly no words to express my sadness for the loss of your beautiful and beloved son.
I can only imagine your pain...
Just two weeks ago, our 38-year-old nephew took his own life. We are all still trying to process why... and the loss... the loss is excruciating to think about.
Thank you for the courage to share Roy's passing with us. I hope it was cathartic... My heart goes out to you...
Fondly,
diane
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2024
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Oh my goodness, prettybluebirds,
There are truly no words to express my sadness for the loss of your beautiful and beloved son.
I can only imagine your pain...
Just two weeks ago, our 38-year-old nephew took his own life. We are all still trying to process why... and the loss... the loss is excruciating to think about.
Thank you for the courage to share Roy's passing with us. I hope it was cathartic... My heart goes out to you...
Fondly,
diane
Comment Written 21-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2024
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Thank you for reading and for your kind words. I'm sorry to hear about your loss, too. It is sad when a young life ends for no reason, no matter the cause of death.
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So many unanswered and jumbled questions remain...
Take Care,
diane
Comment from GoWiSt
" and a person would be to suffer grievous injury at the least. " Change 'be' to 'have'. It would read better grammatically. Or take it out entirely.
Wow, such bad luck that the bullet went straight to his heart.
That's life for ya--here this moment, gone the next.
A tragic tale, but well penned. Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2024
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" and a person would be to suffer grievous injury at the least. " Change 'be' to 'have'. It would read better grammatically. Or take it out entirely.
Wow, such bad luck that the bullet went straight to his heart.
That's life for ya--here this moment, gone the next.
A tragic tale, but well penned. Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 21-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2024
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Thank you, and thanks for the tip. I wrote this hurriedly and didn't go through it like usual. Reviewer tips help a lot.
Comment from Tom Horonzy
I hope retelling that guesome tale is cathargic for you as it chilled me to think how I nearly lost my first girl whena car swerved across the road and hit me even though I exited as far right as I could go. The other car flipped and stopped dead to the front of my car. That's when a spark ignited from over her car, it was upside down, followed a fuel line a ignited that vehicle immediately. We heard no screams from the victim to be within, but as I tried to open my door it was jammed. My electrical system failed so I couldn't get the window down. That';s when a passing woman stopped and managed to rip my door open allowing me to retrieve my daughter from her car seat behind the passenger seat.
We both were safe, and the fire continued to roar engulfing our car. The lady who stopped was never identified, and left the scene. I had to think was she an immortal being?
Sorry for your loss.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2024
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I hope retelling that guesome tale is cathargic for you as it chilled me to think how I nearly lost my first girl whena car swerved across the road and hit me even though I exited as far right as I could go. The other car flipped and stopped dead to the front of my car. That's when a spark ignited from over her car, it was upside down, followed a fuel line a ignited that vehicle immediately. We heard no screams from the victim to be within, but as I tried to open my door it was jammed. My electrical system failed so I couldn't get the window down. That';s when a passing woman stopped and managed to rip my door open allowing me to retrieve my daughter from her car seat behind the passenger seat.
We both were safe, and the fire continued to roar engulfing our car. The lady who stopped was never identified, and left the scene. I had to think was she an immortal being?
Sorry for your loss.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2024
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Thank you. OMG, you certainly had a harrowing experience. I'm so happy you and your daughter survived. Your guardian angel must have been watching.
Comment from nomi338
I pray this is a fictional account and not really true. When I was a preteen I was left alone to babysit my teenaged sister's newborn. He had pneumonia and no one new it. we are talking early 1950s in rural Arkansas. I saw him take his final breath but did not recognize it as such.
Many years later when I had children of my own, I constantly checked on them as I never got over this traumatic incident. I have even done the same with my grand children and my great grands.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2024
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I pray this is a fictional account and not really true. When I was a preteen I was left alone to babysit my teenaged sister's newborn. He had pneumonia and no one new it. we are talking early 1950s in rural Arkansas. I saw him take his final breath but did not recognize it as such.
Many years later when I had children of my own, I constantly checked on them as I never got over this traumatic incident. I have even done the same with my grand children and my great grands.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2024
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Thank you for the six stars. I wish it were fictional, but it's not. I can't imagine what a traumatic experience that was for you. I lost a baby to pneumonia in the early seventies. I had taken him to the emergency earlier in the day, and the doctor said the baby had asthma and sent him home, where he later died in his sleep. There was nothing you could have done.
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It was still very traumatic as I was only about ten years old, common for the rural South in those days. It frightened me so much that I refuse to not watch over and be concerned over the children until they are much older.
Comment from EeanBlack
Sometimes our worst fears do come true. Time never really dulls the pain.
To write and share something so painful is showing a strength I do not own. I am honored to read this and will afford you all the respect you deserve. Thank you and God bless.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2024
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Sometimes our worst fears do come true. Time never really dulls the pain.
To write and share something so painful is showing a strength I do not own. I am honored to read this and will afford you all the respect you deserve. Thank you and God bless.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2024
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Thank you for the six stars. It was a long time ago, and the pain has become numb, but it will be there forever. Others on this site have lost children, and none of us has ever forgotten.
