Packy
Depredation on the frontier31 total reviews
Comment from lancellot
Hmm, this is structurally well written, but as it is, I see two issues. The first being it is all telling. It is story about a man telling a story about a man from 1880, complete narration. Second, the post is a just under six hundred words, well short of the 2000 minimum. I think you have time to edit.
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Hmm, this is structurally well written, but as it is, I see two issues. The first being it is all telling. It is story about a man telling a story about a man from 1880, complete narration. Second, the post is a just under six hundred words, well short of the 2000 minimum. I think you have time to edit.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2024
Comment from lyenochka
This is a great start of a book. I liked how you told the reader who the bones belonged to using the bandanna. As for these "first chapter contests" - I know they all require a minimum of 2,000 words so you probably need to flesh out this chapter more.
Best wishes in the contest!
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This is a great start of a book. I liked how you told the reader who the bones belonged to using the bandanna. As for these "first chapter contests" - I know they all require a minimum of 2,000 words so you probably need to flesh out this chapter more.
Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 07-Mar-2024
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This was an extremely sad explanation of life a hundred and fifty years ago. So much violence and misunderstanding. Looking around me today I don't see that there has been much change! kay
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This was an extremely sad explanation of life a hundred and fifty years ago. So much violence and misunderstanding. Looking around me today I don't see that there has been much change! kay
Comment Written 07-Mar-2024
Comment from jmdg1954
Dang it. I didn't want the western part of the story to end. I was full in on Packy and his heroics.
Jim, I wish I had a dux star to offer but I'm plumb out. This is deserving in my mind.
A great write that I enjoyed and like I wrote, I would've kept on reading!
John
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Dang it. I didn't want the western part of the story to end. I was full in on Packy and his heroics.
Jim, I wish I had a dux star to offer but I'm plumb out. This is deserving in my mind.
A great write that I enjoyed and like I wrote, I would've kept on reading!
John
Comment Written 07-Mar-2024
Comment from BethShelby
This is an intersting Western. This story didn't have a happy ending and I like you told most of it in first person. It is too bad than someone who seemed like decent guy had a bad ending. Then story was brought up to day bone and a scrap of bandana was found years later. Good luck in the contest.
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This is an intersting Western. This story didn't have a happy ending and I like you told most of it in first person. It is too bad than someone who seemed like decent guy had a bad ending. Then story was brought up to day bone and a scrap of bandana was found years later. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2024
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Very nicely told story.
Atrocities to one, is self-defense to another. There were war crimes perpetrated on both sides. Probably at least in equal measure. White settlers paid no heed to treaty boundaries.
Best wishes.
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Very nicely told story.
Atrocities to one, is self-defense to another. There were war crimes perpetrated on both sides. Probably at least in equal measure. White settlers paid no heed to treaty boundaries.
Best wishes.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2024
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. Yes, there's a lot of Native American history in Texas. LOL I enjoyed reading. Check your spelling of Comanche. Good luck with the contest.
Life was hard in the hill country of Texas (live in the hill country of Texas.)
A party of Commanch'came upon her. Nadine made for her home, but never got there. (Comanche came & often the Camanche would keep the young girls for breeding stock.)
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Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. Yes, there's a lot of Native American history in Texas. LOL I enjoyed reading. Check your spelling of Comanche. Good luck with the contest.
Life was hard in the hill country of Texas (live in the hill country of Texas.)
A party of Commanch'came upon her. Nadine made for her home, but never got there. (Comanche came & often the Camanche would keep the young girls for breeding stock.)
Comment Written 07-Mar-2024
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
Wow, what a gripping story! The vivid descriptions and the emotional journey of the characters really drew me in. Excellent use of dialogue. This was a joy to read. The twist at the end - perfect.
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Wow, what a gripping story! The vivid descriptions and the emotional journey of the characters really drew me in. Excellent use of dialogue. This was a joy to read. The twist at the end - perfect.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2024
Comment from royowen
Fancy having a Paw like Packy, why he went screaming into the night is anybody's guess, but those injuns can be very fierce and very scary, that's sad, but I'm sad that Packy's disappearance wasn't discovered till they duscivrrevhis corpse, well done Jim, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2024
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Fancy having a Paw like Packy, why he went screaming into the night is anybody's guess, but those injuns can be very fierce and very scary, that's sad, but I'm sad that Packy's disappearance wasn't discovered till they duscivrrevhis corpse, well done Jim, blessings Roy
Comment Written 07-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2024
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Thank you very much for reviewing and those fine words!
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Well done
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Thanks so much!
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Pleasure Jim
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Pleasure Jim
Comment from Baltimore Born
This was a very good entertaining post. The story was captivating from beginning to end. Good details of the main character's ventures. The way he left was dramatic. Well-written story.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2024
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This was a very good entertaining post. The story was captivating from beginning to end. Good details of the main character's ventures. The way he left was dramatic. Well-written story.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2024
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Thank you very much for your kind words!
