What We See
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "What We See - Chapter 1"A wrongly accused teacher reinvents his life
22 total reviews
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Oh wow, that's an introductory chapter, if ever there was one, to get your reader hooked. I could actually feel David's heart pounding as the story unfolded. I was going to say that his admission of being absent-minded about this encounter sounded a bit weak and implausible but, by the end, who know how much he's been concealing. A modern, topical theme with 'legs' as they say. Right now, no suggestions and a faultless read! Well done! Debbie
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reply by the author on 07-Jan-2024
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Oh wow, that's an introductory chapter, if ever there was one, to get your reader hooked. I could actually feel David's heart pounding as the story unfolded. I was going to say that his admission of being absent-minded about this encounter sounded a bit weak and implausible but, by the end, who know how much he's been concealing. A modern, topical theme with 'legs' as they say. Right now, no suggestions and a faultless read! Well done! Debbie
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Comment Written 07-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2024
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Thanks so much for your thoughtful review, Debbie. David's absent-mindedness is a part of his overall personality which will develop through the story and is symptomatic of a larger condition.
This is a real change-of-pace for me and is much harder to write than a golf story. We'll see how it goes.
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Oh interesting! Is it dementia or bi-polar? I'm really hooked now:))
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Dyslexia
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Dyslexia
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Well written.
I don't know how an innocent person can protect themselves against a determined child. Everything I can think of would be after the fact. And any suggestion I would have for your story would kill the tale. You might have him ask Earl (in the meeting) to send the police to his house that instant to search for pot, or the odor, and to ask for an immediate polygraph. Earl would do neither, but asking would be in character.
I wouldn't want to be in David's place
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reply by the author on 07-Jan-2024
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Well written.
I don't know how an innocent person can protect themselves against a determined child. Everything I can think of would be after the fact. And any suggestion I would have for your story would kill the tale. You might have him ask Earl (in the meeting) to send the police to his house that instant to search for pot, or the odor, and to ask for an immediate polygraph. Earl would do neither, but asking would be in character.
I wouldn't want to be in David's place
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Comment Written 07-Jan-2024
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2024
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Thanks very much, Wayne. Yeah, I don't want to do too much to spoil the case against David, as I need him to get fired for the rest of the story to work.
This is a very troublesome theme, and it's hard to defend yourself against charges like this when there is no evidence backing you up--at least in the court of public opinion. I wouldn't want to be in David's place either.
