Comment from Wendy G

Excellent

Many people don't realise who or what they are looking for as they pass through life - it'slways elusive. But with the wisdom of maturity they realise they didn't have to search far and wide for it. Your poem is well done with its excellent rhyme and metre. A fine entry for the contest. Sending best wishes. Also my warmest wishes for Christmas and the new year.
Wendy

 Comment Written 19-Dec-2023

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reply by the author on 20-Dec-2023

Thanks, Wendy. Merry Christmas to you and your family (including Sunny).

reply by Wendy G on 20-Dec-2023

And to you and all your loved ones. Including dear Sam.

Comment from jake cosmos aller

Excellent

Nicely done. I never got the hang of traditional metrical poems, so I am probably giving this contest a pass. ALl my previous sonnets have been well lame.

 Comment Written 18-Dec-2023

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reply by the author on 20-Dec-2023

Thanks, Jake. It took me awhile to get comfortable with the sonnet.

reply by jake cosmos aller on 20-Dec-2023

hey any experience with online metertical dictionaries? i have had a hard time finding one. should be easy enough to do particularly in the AI age

reply by the author on 21-Dec-2023

Writers.com has a great section on poetic forms.

Comment from Tom Horonzy

Excellent

I haven't read you for a while. Have you been ill? Pray not.
Anyway, good luck with your entry.
Not to be nitpicking,but for a sonnet aren't all lines to have ten syllables?
Lines three and five have more than ten.

 Comment Written 18-Dec-2023

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reply by the author on 20-Dec-2023

Thanks for the review, Tom. I'm just a little slow in getting my poems written. In line three, "flowers" has one syllable here in downeast Maine. lol. Line five looks okay to me.

Comment from Janis M.

Excellent

Wonderful! You did a good job here. This poem if I am understanding it right, reminds me of someone who is chasing an ideal or vision or love but along the way realize that it is not real and that the love that they desired was back home all along. It could be a representation of many things in that way, relationships, aspirations, dreams etc

The meter looks solid!

 Comment Written 18-Dec-2023

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reply by the author on 20-Dec-2023

Thanks, Janis. You are right. The rainbow that this guy is chasing could be any number of things.

Comment from Dawn Munro

Excellent

FanStory Site Contests

Sometimes it seems it's best to spell it out;
yet even then, there's underhandedness.
A few (or one) that management gives clout
do not appreciate our candidness.

I love your sonnet, but I must suggest
your presentation, friend, could be improved
for those who do not judge what is the best,
but only rate the work when they are moved

to nullify, negate on biased grounds.
They have their favorites; look for names, not style.
(I have been told; it's far worse than it sounds!)
Your presentation will be put on trial.

Hey, I am just the messenger; trust me!
Were I the judge, I'd charge you all a fee. (*grin*)
~~
Aww... Best of luck in the contest. This is sweet!

 Comment Written 18-Dec-2023

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reply by the author on 20-Dec-2023

Great review, Dawn. When I posted this sonnet, the form got changed. This has happened to me before.

reply by Dawn Munro on 20-Dec-2023

I'm glad you were pleased with my review, Paul. Lol.

Comment from Navada

Excellent

I particularly liked the overarching theme of travelling and searching for something, only to find it in your true love. Your metre and rhyme are immaculate and this is a really solid exploration of the form. Good luck for the contest.

 Comment Written 18-Dec-2023

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reply by the author on 20-Dec-2023

Thanks, Navada. It's amazing how many times a searcher ends up finding what he's looking for, back where he started from.

Comment from Austin Yu

Excellent

Wow, I deeply enjoyed how you described finding your one true lover as a journey worth traveling for. Along the way, we might encounter distractions, like rainbows that pose as our destination. However, as we run towards them, they will seem to fade away, like you described in your poem. We will feel it in our guts when we reach our true calling.

 Comment Written 18-Dec-2023

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reply by the author on 20-Dec-2023

Thanks, Austin. Nothing like the old "gut" feeling.

Comment from Dolly'sPoems

Exceptional

I enjoyed your fine post Paul, full of good rhymes and metre, and I enjoyed the sentiments too.

Here are some suggestions:

Your post would benefit from some fullstops (periods to you).

This Line:

(Those many miles I've gone have dulled my mind)

the word (gone) here is rather dead.

Suggestions:

Those many miles (of life) have dulled my mind

Those many miles I (rode) have dulled my mind

Despite my critique, I still think you deserved a six.

Love Dolly x

 Comment Written 18-Dec-2023

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reply by the author on 20-Dec-2023

Coming from the sonnet master, this is great praise. Great suggestions. Thanks.

Comment from Pam (respa)

Excellent

A good sonnet with a good topic.
-Effective imagery and rhyme.
-The opening verse establishes the premise,
following by the impact of having to be alone.
-A good volta, or turn, that shows the
need to retrace your steps because
"The rainbows I've been chasing start to fade."
-A very good closing couplet.
-A couple of small suggestions:
*Line 3 has 11 syllables, try something like
What fragrance came...flowers
*Try using Since at the beginning of the last line.
-Good luck in the contest, Paul.

 Comment Written 18-Dec-2023

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reply by the author on 18-Dec-2023

Thanks for the review, Pam. In downeast Maine, "flowers" is one syllable. lol.

reply by Pam (respa) on 18-Dec-2023

You are welcome, Paul.

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

A lovely poem which I read more as a spiritual one. And I can imagine you giving wise counsel to people who have been chasing those fading rainbows and how you showed them that God's true love has always been waiting for them. Best wishes in the contest!

 Comment Written 18-Dec-2023

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reply by the author on 18-Dec-2023

Thanks for the kind words, Helen.