Panpipes
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Panpipes - Chapter 4"A Novella
30 total reviews
Comment from Gloria ....
The plot is well researched and intriguing as we join a romantic thriller through Thailand's culture. I thoroughly enjoyed the blow by blow descriptions of the kickboxing match and how one thing turned into another and then a blunder.
The comedy works so well where Bapit naively takes his cues for romantic behaviour from a Korean TV show which leads to an exaggerated series of misunderstandings, confusions, and mishaps. Eventually Bapit gets blitzed in a gay bar in the Paradise Complex, only to pass out and be carted off by a Neanderthal. Even the names are paradoxical.
I also enjoyed the cameos by the police chief and the elephants.
Very well told, Tony.
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2023
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The plot is well researched and intriguing as we join a romantic thriller through Thailand's culture. I thoroughly enjoyed the blow by blow descriptions of the kickboxing match and how one thing turned into another and then a blunder.
The comedy works so well where Bapit naively takes his cues for romantic behaviour from a Korean TV show which leads to an exaggerated series of misunderstandings, confusions, and mishaps. Eventually Bapit gets blitzed in a gay bar in the Paradise Complex, only to pass out and be carted off by a Neanderthal. Even the names are paradoxical.
I also enjoyed the cameos by the police chief and the elephants.
Very well told, Tony.
Comment Written 15-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2023
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Thanks for another first-class review, Gloria. Well worth a 'thumb' if I had any left. Greatly appreciated, as is the sixth star. All good wishes for Christmas and the coming year. Tony
Comment from Austin Yu
The story of Klahan and Thaksin, in a ritual that involves themselves in a brutal dual reminded me of the Hunger Games, although in a smaller scale. The savage side of humanity can truly be shown in your poem, which I think if used carefully like you did, is excellent.
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2023
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The story of Klahan and Thaksin, in a ritual that involves themselves in a brutal dual reminded me of the Hunger Games, although in a smaller scale. The savage side of humanity can truly be shown in your poem, which I think if used carefully like you did, is excellent.
Comment Written 15-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2023
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Thank you very much for your review, Austin. Appreciated. All good wishes, Tony
Comment from estory
I thought this was an interesting chapter. The fight scene was exciting, your descriptions of the kicking and kneeing and elbowing and the boys crumpling up against the ropes and the floor put us there in the room cheering and yelling with the crowd. But I don't know what it really has to do with the story. In my opinion the real action started when Bapit takes Ayesha up to the room, and instead of a romantic sexual encounter, he takes his cue from the media and treats her roughly and spoils the whole night. It really is a commentary on the importance of being yourself, and not relying on cultural norms and clues from the mass media to make the relationship. The writing is sharp, this chapter is a little light on dialogue, but overall I think the story is unfolding nicely. estory
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2023
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I thought this was an interesting chapter. The fight scene was exciting, your descriptions of the kicking and kneeing and elbowing and the boys crumpling up against the ropes and the floor put us there in the room cheering and yelling with the crowd. But I don't know what it really has to do with the story. In my opinion the real action started when Bapit takes Ayesha up to the room, and instead of a romantic sexual encounter, he takes his cue from the media and treats her roughly and spoils the whole night. It really is a commentary on the importance of being yourself, and not relying on cultural norms and clues from the mass media to make the relationship. The writing is sharp, this chapter is a little light on dialogue, but overall I think the story is unfolding nicely. estory
Comment Written 15-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2023
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Thanks very much for your review and comments, estory. I'm not sure if Bapit's brother and the kickboxing add anything to the story. I may end up cutting them.
Comment from Pearl Edwards
You really set the scene in the first paragraph, Tony of the sights and sounds of the boxing match crowd. It sounds like Bapit has been watching the wrong movies, as he soon found out. An interesting ending to this chapter, Tony. Great descriptions, as always.
cheers,
valda
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2023
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You really set the scene in the first paragraph, Tony of the sights and sounds of the boxing match crowd. It sounds like Bapit has been watching the wrong movies, as he soon found out. An interesting ending to this chapter, Tony. Great descriptions, as always.
cheers,
valda
Comment Written 15-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2023
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Many thanks, Valda. I appreciate your comments. All good wishes, Tony
Comment from Wayne Fowler
My goodness gracious! Sakes alive. All because of a bit of ignorance the poor man will ....
And Ayesha? She's to be arrested in the morning for murder? Land sakes, Bapit!
Well written chapter. Good work.
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2023
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My goodness gracious! Sakes alive. All because of a bit of ignorance the poor man will ....
And Ayesha? She's to be arrested in the morning for murder? Land sakes, Bapit!
Well written chapter. Good work.
Comment Written 15-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2023
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Thanks, Wayne. One way and another, things are not looking good for them. I appreciate your continued support and encouragement. All good wishes, Tony.
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Tony, you have created a very interesting story. Transporting us into a world most of us have probably never been in, you create a tale of passion, mixed feelings and danger.
Things go back and forth for poor Ayesha and Bapit as they are sort of thrown together, but are not able to make the connection complete.
I really enjoyed the journey and look forward to more chapters.
Take care,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2023
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Tony, you have created a very interesting story. Transporting us into a world most of us have probably never been in, you create a tale of passion, mixed feelings and danger.
Things go back and forth for poor Ayesha and Bapit as they are sort of thrown together, but are not able to make the connection complete.
I really enjoyed the journey and look forward to more chapters.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment Written 15-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2023
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Thanks very much for your kind comments, Rhonda. I hope you continue to enjoy the twists and turns yet to come. Best wishes, Tony.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Oh no!! What has Bapit got himself into now? He's such an innocent, and thought he was being so he manish, only to discover you don't take television seriously. Now, if he can get out of this further dilemma, he'll have to go crawling back Ayesha. But first he has a bigger problem and he doesn't even know it yet! I can't wait to see what happens next. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2023
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Oh no!! What has Bapit got himself into now? He's such an innocent, and thought he was being so he manish, only to discover you don't take television seriously. Now, if he can get out of this further dilemma, he'll have to go crawling back Ayesha. But first he has a bigger problem and he doesn't even know it yet! I can't wait to see what happens next. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 15-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2023
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Thanks for your review, Sandra. He certainly seems to have got himself into a spot of trouble, and Ayesha's not well placed either, with the police due to arrive in the morning. All good wishes for Christmas and the coming year. Tony
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Colorfully depicted fight scene.
Bapit turned out not to be of assistance but just another monster who needed to be kneed "hard in the balls."
Unfortunately now, Ayesha has more enemies.
Bapit gets his in the end when he is dragged from the gay bar to suffer an undeclared fate. What goes around, comes around.
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2023
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Colorfully depicted fight scene.
Bapit turned out not to be of assistance but just another monster who needed to be kneed "hard in the balls."
Unfortunately now, Ayesha has more enemies.
Bapit gets his in the end when he is dragged from the gay bar to suffer an undeclared fate. What goes around, comes around.
Comment Written 15-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2023
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Appreciate your comments and continued engagement, Brett. Best wishes for Christmas and the coming year. Tony
Comment from barbara.wilkey
No way is this good. Bapit is in a bad way and Ayesha will probably be blamed for it. I sure hope things will eventually work out for these two. I can't imagine how, right now, but I do hope they do. I really like this story and am happy you're sharing it with us.
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reply by the author on 15-Dec-2023
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No way is this good. Bapit is in a bad way and Ayesha will probably be blamed for it. I sure hope things will eventually work out for these two. I can't imagine how, right now, but I do hope they do. I really like this story and am happy you're sharing it with us.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2023
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Appreciate your comments and continued engagement, Barbara. Best wishes for Christmas and the coming year. Tony
Comment from Sally Law
Wow! This took an unexpected and dark turn. I fear the worst for Bapit. No doubt he's inbig trouble. Well written as always with flawless delivery.
Sending you my best today as always, and best wishes for the book.
Sal xos
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2023
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Wow! This took an unexpected and dark turn. I fear the worst for Bapit. No doubt he's inbig trouble. Well written as always with flawless delivery.
Sending you my best today as always, and best wishes for the book.
Sal xos
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2023
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Thanks, Sal. Things look a bit bleak for both of them. Here's hoping I can get them out of it eventually. Best wishes, Tony.
