Comment from Jacob1395

Excellent

There are so many things I'm sure we'd all love to change about the world if we had the power to do so, and you highlight that well in your poem. An excellent piece. I enjoyed reading it.

 Comment Written 07-Dec-2023

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reply by the author on 07-Dec-2023

Thanks, Jacob. I wish that God would take a more active role down here.

Comment from Terry Broxson

Excellent

I think this is an excellent entry for this contest. The poem is very well written. The repetition is handled, and your message is delivered convincingly.

The interesting thing about the poem is all the things you point out would indeed be worth changing. It does make one wonder why they are the way they are. Good job. Terry.

 Comment Written 07-Dec-2023

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reply by the author on 07-Dec-2023

Thanks, Terry. God gave man free will. I wonder if He is having second thoughts about that.

reply by Terry Broxson on 07-Dec-2023

LOL, I'll check on that and get back to you.

Comment from Barry Penfold

Excellent

Very good entry. Meets the requirements of the contest. I am sure that if this was a CV for the role you would win the day. Like the rhyming. Well done. Hope it goes well.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.

 Comment Written 07-Dec-2023

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reply by the author on 07-Dec-2023

Thanks for the review, Barry. It certainly would be a fulltime job.

Comment from leather

Excellent

I liked this poem and your proposals--just getting rid of pain would be welcome to nearly all. There are no spelling errors, but there is one grammatical error. Instead of saying "if I was God" it should read as 'if I WERE God.'
Thank you for writing.

 Comment Written 07-Dec-2023

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reply by the author on 07-Dec-2023

Thanks for the review, leather. I live in an ungrammatical area of the United States.

Comment from Navada

Excellent

I like the rhyming scheme and metre you've employed here to explore a vast topic with a lilt and energy. I think your ultimate conclusion is right - it might sound like an appealing job, but I'm not altogether sure it would be. Thanks for the share.

 Comment Written 07-Dec-2023

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reply by the author on 07-Dec-2023

Thanks, Navada. I don't think I will send in a job application.

Comment from Boogienights

Excellent

This is a great poem with a terrific theme. I would do the same as you, e cept I would include the elimination of mental illness. If only.....Best of luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 07-Dec-2023

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reply by the author on 07-Dec-2023

Thanks, Boogie. Sorry about the omission.

Comment from Lea Tonin1

Excellent

That was very well written. I would wish for those things too! But in a perfect world but I don't think we're supposed to be perfect. We're supposed to make mistakes and learn things as we go hopefully we do learn. This is a great poem and a great entry. I see no issues with esthetics sentence structure subject matter. It's very well done and a fine submission I wish you the best evening!

 Comment Written 06-Dec-2023

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reply by the author on 07-Dec-2023

Thanks for your kind words, Lea. I've learned from most of my mistakes.

Comment from Andrew Cloward

Good

I'm not sure I understand the final message of the poem- whether 'if' is used to posit that God doesn't look down on us, or just incidental. The poem is well-structured and consistent although the tone comes across as somewhat cynical. Even with the admission of 'work being cut out' in the last stanza, it implies the reason God does not perform the tasks named previously would be because He is too busy or it is too difficult, which undermines the generally universal belief that God is an omniscient and omnipotent Being.

I would say the writing of the poem is well done but the message is a little self-contradicting. Additional stanzas very well could bring the message full circle. Just my thoughts, respectfully!

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 Comment Written 06-Dec-2023

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reply by the author on 07-Dec-2023

Thanks for the review, Andrew. It's just that God and I have a different idea of how to run things down here.

Comment from jim vecchio

Excellent

The bible teaches that we will be instructing angels and we probably have to undergo trials and tribulations to gain patience and understanding to the angels who have no such need sand never fell from Grace. This was a creative and worthy entry to this contest.

 Comment Written 06-Dec-2023

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reply by the author on 07-Dec-2023

Thanks, Jim. I will probably need extra training.

reply by jim vecchio on 07-Dec-2023

I am still learning every day. I look forward to more of your writing.

Comment from rspoet

Excellent

Hello Poet,
If I was God I'd hire you as an assistant, though I suspect the job would require many assistants. Your poem is very well written with the repeat line
and the excellent mono-rhymes. I hope you do well in the contest
and maybe, just maybe, God will come calling to see if you're still interested.
Nicely done.
Best wishes.
Robert

 Comment Written 06-Dec-2023

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reply by the author on 07-Dec-2023

Thanks, Robert. I await His email.