Panpipes
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Panpipes"A Novella
35 total reviews
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is a very good start to an interesting story. Bapit is a sympathetic hero and his elephant friend is delightful as a pet. Ayesha I am not so sure about, although she obviously needs saving by Bapit.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2023
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This is a very good start to an interesting story. Bapit is a sympathetic hero and his elephant friend is delightful as a pet. Ayesha I am not so sure about, although she obviously needs saving by Bapit.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2023
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Thanks for your review, Carol. Ayesha certainly has room for improvement. Perhaps the vicissitudes of fortune will rub off some of her sharp edges. You're right about her needing to be saved, and maybe Bapit is just the lad to rescue her. Then maybe not. We shall see!
Comment from eliz100
This is an excellent first chapter. You have captured my attention from beginning to end. I look forward to the next chapter. I do not see any room for improvement. Have a blessed day.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2023
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This is an excellent first chapter. You have captured my attention from beginning to end. I look forward to the next chapter. I do not see any room for improvement. Have a blessed day.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2023
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Thanks very much for your review and kind words. Greatly appreciated.
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello tfawcus (Tony - Right?),
It's a LOVELY piece of General Fiction having LUCID phraseology, CAPTIVATING flow throughout from the beginning to the end, and TRANSPARENTLY depicting its theme.
Description of scenes, situations, and characters is REMARKABLE.
Very INTERESTING Indeed!
BEST OF LUCK!
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2023
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Hello tfawcus (Tony - Right?),
It's a LOVELY piece of General Fiction having LUCID phraseology, CAPTIVATING flow throughout from the beginning to the end, and TRANSPARENTLY depicting its theme.
Description of scenes, situations, and characters is REMARKABLE.
Very INTERESTING Indeed!
BEST OF LUCK!
Comment Written 01-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2023
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Thank you very much for these motivating words, Rhaguvir, and for the six stars accompanying them. Greatly appreciated. All good wishes, Tony.
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Hi Tony, Most Welcome!
With best wishes,
RP
Comment from Pantygynt
This is great stuff. I was gripped from the first. There opening is brilliant and it should do well before the committee when it comes up for judgement.
All you have to do now is stick with it and you should have a great book on your hands.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2023
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This is great stuff. I was gripped from the first. There opening is brilliant and it should do well before the committee when it comes up for judgement.
All you have to do now is stick with it and you should have a great book on your hands.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2023
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Thank you Jim. I wrote this ten years ago, just before joining FS, and have spent time recently with a red pen. Good to know that you approve the initial results of my labour enough to award a sixth star.
Comment from Mrs. KT
Hello, Tony!
"I hope you enjoy it?"
Tony!
I loved it!
I loved it all: the setting characters, plot, and my thoughts as I interacted with it all. I'm thinking that Ayesha is going to have a taste of reality very soon...
Have missed your exceptional writing.
So pleased you have returned.
Looking forward to your next installment!
Thank you for sharing!
diane
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2023
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Hello, Tony!
"I hope you enjoy it?"
Tony!
I loved it!
I loved it all: the setting characters, plot, and my thoughts as I interacted with it all. I'm thinking that Ayesha is going to have a taste of reality very soon...
Have missed your exceptional writing.
So pleased you have returned.
Looking forward to your next installment!
Thank you for sharing!
diane
Comment Written 01-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2023
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I'm delighted that you enjoyed this opening chapter, Diane, and I appreciate your encouragement. I'm up in Queensland with the grandchildren at the moment and will be posting again on my return to Adelaide in a few days.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
This is wonderful, Tony! I really enjoyed reading your first chapter which is so clearly and evocatively expressed that I was on that beach in an instant. Then Bapit and his panpipes and the elephant story turned this into an absolutely enchanting read. At the moment that we were absorbed with him and his new job, you very cleverly and seamlessly contrasted his success with the Ayesha's dramatic/tragic experience, ending the chapter on a superb cliff-hanger. I'm definitely hooked and looking forward to the next chapter. Well done! Debbie
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2023
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This is wonderful, Tony! I really enjoyed reading your first chapter which is so clearly and evocatively expressed that I was on that beach in an instant. Then Bapit and his panpipes and the elephant story turned this into an absolutely enchanting read. At the moment that we were absorbed with him and his new job, you very cleverly and seamlessly contrasted his success with the Ayesha's dramatic/tragic experience, ending the chapter on a superb cliff-hanger. I'm definitely hooked and looking forward to the next chapter. Well done! Debbie
Comment Written 01-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2023
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What lovely comments, Debbie. I'm delighted you enjoyed the first chapter. The next one will be up in a few days when I return from a short vacation in Queensland with the grandchildren.
Comment from estory
I thought you orchestrated a terrific start to this novel. You created two enchanting characters; the carefree, happy go lucky pan piper Bapit, who has a way of charming everyone around him, and the imprisoned Ayesha, who seems caught in an abusive relationship with someone who treats her like dirt. By the end of the chapter she runs away and they seem fated to be drawn together. I loved the dialogue, it was realistic, emotional, and revealing of the characters, especially the spoiled, privilidge Ayesha and the happy go lucky, compassionate Bapit. The scene setting was first rate, the details in the descriptions of the people really made this come alive. Lots of polish on here too. Sounds quite professional. You are on to something great here. estory
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2023
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I thought you orchestrated a terrific start to this novel. You created two enchanting characters; the carefree, happy go lucky pan piper Bapit, who has a way of charming everyone around him, and the imprisoned Ayesha, who seems caught in an abusive relationship with someone who treats her like dirt. By the end of the chapter she runs away and they seem fated to be drawn together. I loved the dialogue, it was realistic, emotional, and revealing of the characters, especially the spoiled, privilidge Ayesha and the happy go lucky, compassionate Bapit. The scene setting was first rate, the details in the descriptions of the people really made this come alive. Lots of polish on here too. Sounds quite professional. You are on to something great here. estory
Comment Written 01-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2023
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Thanks so much for these supportive comments, estory. They mean a lot to me. I'm delighted that the opening chapter seems to have gone down so well. The next one should be up in a few days.
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This has lots of promise. estory
Comment from Ulla
Hi Tony, it's great to see you back and with a new story. This is a great beginning and so very typical of a careless traveller. But she is coming to her senses. Now what? I'm looking forward to reading more. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2023
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Hi Tony, it's great to see you back and with a new story. This is a great beginning and so very typical of a careless traveller. But she is coming to her senses. Now what? I'm looking forward to reading more. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 01-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2023
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Thanks so much for these encouraging comments, Ulla. I'll be posting the next chapter in a few days when I return from a short holiday in Queensland with our grandchildren. We've been watching Loggerhead turtles laying eggs.
Comment from phill doran
Hello Tony,
It's great to read you again, and I am so pleased to come in at Chapter One. Lovely atmosphere, simple strokes and both the scene and sentiment are set.
A few notable turns of phrase too: "...a momentary sadness..." / "...blood oozing like a parasitic worm from his temple..." Great stuff!
I look forward to you taking this on. I think 25,000 is conservative: it already feels meaty.
I wish you well with your continued writing.
Cheers
phill
"...a love story spiced with elements of tragedy and human folly..." That's life Tony, that's life.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2023
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Hello Tony,
It's great to read you again, and I am so pleased to come in at Chapter One. Lovely atmosphere, simple strokes and both the scene and sentiment are set.
A few notable turns of phrase too: "...a momentary sadness..." / "...blood oozing like a parasitic worm from his temple..." Great stuff!
I look forward to you taking this on. I think 25,000 is conservative: it already feels meaty.
I wish you well with your continued writing.
Cheers
phill
"...a love story spiced with elements of tragedy and human folly..." That's life Tony, that's life.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2023
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Thanks, Phill. This means a lot to me. Best wishes, as always. Tony.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was a wonderful start to the story, Tony, and I'm already hooked. I like the boy Bapit and his wonderful playing on his pipes. I guessed he and the elephant would be together again later, and it was nice to see that happen. As for Ayesha, she has got herself into a real fix. How will she get on now. I'm hoping she won't be trouble for our Bapit! Good luck in the contest! It's nice to see you back again. Sandra xx
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2023
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That was a wonderful start to the story, Tony, and I'm already hooked. I like the boy Bapit and his wonderful playing on his pipes. I guessed he and the elephant would be together again later, and it was nice to see that happen. As for Ayesha, she has got herself into a real fix. How will she get on now. I'm hoping she won't be trouble for our Bapit! Good luck in the contest! It's nice to see you back again. Sandra xx
Comment Written 01-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2023
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Thanks very much for this encouraging response to my first chapter, Sandra. I have a feeling that Ayesha is going to complicate young Bapit's life more than somewhat!
