Could This be the One
Flash fiction club entry26 total reviews
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is a fun story about born losers. They are always behind the fad, never leading. This newest idea not only sounds impossible, it sounds like a way to lose everything, which I'm sure they will do.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2023
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This is a fun story about born losers. They are always behind the fad, never leading. This newest idea not only sounds impossible, it sounds like a way to lose everything, which I'm sure they will do.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2023
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It was a flash fiction club entry. Thank you for reading.
John
Comment from royowen
As a reformed gambler I can share many stories, plans and chimes, that never quite worked out, but I think there are some that can't help but "smell" out money, but I'm not one of them, in fact God had to heal me of it. Beautifully written John, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2023
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As a reformed gambler I can share many stories, plans and chimes, that never quite worked out, but I think there are some that can't help but "smell" out money, but I'm not one of them, in fact God had to heal me of it. Beautifully written John, blessings Roy
Comment Written 15-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2023
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Thank you a bunch, Roy.
Always appreciated!
John
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Most welcome
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Most welcome
Comment from lancellot
Where's the ending? Okay, structurally and grammatically everything is good. But half of this is exposition. Straight narration telling us a lot of back story (for flash fiction, way too much). But then, another silly idea, some brief dialogue, and then... nothing.
I would advise adding more of a story, plot and conclusion/resolution or change/growth of the characters.
Sal was still hesitant. "I don't know, Vin.
Sounds risky, no?"
-Sal was still hesitant. "I don't know, Vin. Sounds risky, no?"
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reply by the author on 15-Apr-2023
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Where's the ending? Okay, structurally and grammatically everything is good. But half of this is exposition. Straight narration telling us a lot of back story (for flash fiction, way too much). But then, another silly idea, some brief dialogue, and then... nothing.
I would advise adding more of a story, plot and conclusion/resolution or change/growth of the characters.
Sal was still hesitant. "I don't know, Vin.
Sounds risky, no?"
-Sal was still hesitant. "I don't know, Vin. Sounds risky, no?"
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2023
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The ending was the sense of security from Amazon.
Thank you for reading.
John
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Your story rings true for many. I like it wholly.
I've had relatives that lived on a wish. Never worked out for them neitehr. One good thing became of it, I grew up to be skeptical. A penny saved was a penny earned and tithing myself after tithing the Lord allowed me to retire at 58. Haven't looked back since.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2023
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Your story rings true for many. I like it wholly.
I've had relatives that lived on a wish. Never worked out for them neitehr. One good thing became of it, I grew up to be skeptical. A penny saved was a penny earned and tithing myself after tithing the Lord allowed me to retire at 58. Haven't looked back since.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2023
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Excellent!
Thank you, Tom for reading and sharing. I appreciate your time.
John
Comment from kiwisteveh
Glass half full kind of boy, our Vinny, isn't he?
i was looking for an ending to see how spectacularly these two bros managed to fall on their faces this time, but your ending is fine - my imagination can supply the rest. In fact my imagination is so good, it can even supply an unexpected happy ending!
This was fun. keep 'em coming.
Steve
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2023
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Glass half full kind of boy, our Vinny, isn't he?
i was looking for an ending to see how spectacularly these two bros managed to fall on their faces this time, but your ending is fine - my imagination can supply the rest. In fact my imagination is so good, it can even supply an unexpected happy ending!
This was fun. keep 'em coming.
Steve
Comment Written 15-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2023
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Ha. Thanks for this one as well! I?m glad you stopped by.
John
Comment from K.I. Betancur
I would make "in essence, rejects" its own sentence.
Manufacturer's*
Being a former New Yorker myself, I heard this entire exchange in my head, haha. Excellent work! You've got your own George & Lenny here.
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reply by the author on 15-Apr-2023
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I would make "in essence, rejects" its own sentence.
Manufacturer's*
Being a former New Yorker myself, I heard this entire exchange in my head, haha. Excellent work! You've got your own George & Lenny here.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2023
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Thank you. I appreciate your reading this club post and for those corrections.
John
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Not a problem!
