Expect the Unexpected
Unexpected changes.50 total reviews
Comment from Bill Schott
Riveting! I was fully involved with Rob and his two encounters with the Russian sleepers whom he failed with both times. He was apparently about to be offed by Marni when a de-railed train saved the day. What a scene that would be! I then wondered if her cremation was in the natural course of events, or a secret elimination of a body.
The second encounter humanized him for us, to the point that he seemed to be less capable, and closer to average. His murder, which is what I assumed happened, perhaps from poisoning at the deli, brings his story to a surprising close.
If this tale were to continue, we now see that either Olivia is the main character, or someone else will have to be assigned to her.
This is a very well delivered flash fiction story that fully explored the settings, the prime character's motivations and process, and kept the entire story line light and interesting.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2023
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Riveting! I was fully involved with Rob and his two encounters with the Russian sleepers whom he failed with both times. He was apparently about to be offed by Marni when a de-railed train saved the day. What a scene that would be! I then wondered if her cremation was in the natural course of events, or a secret elimination of a body.
The second encounter humanized him for us, to the point that he seemed to be less capable, and closer to average. His murder, which is what I assumed happened, perhaps from poisoning at the deli, brings his story to a surprising close.
If this tale were to continue, we now see that either Olivia is the main character, or someone else will have to be assigned to her.
This is a very well delivered flash fiction story that fully explored the settings, the prime character's motivations and process, and kept the entire story line light and interesting.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2023
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Thank you so much, Bill, for your extra special six-star review and kind words. I wish I had talked to you before I wrote it since you've given me a few ideas with your fabulous imagination that would have certainly made the story even better. There's nothing that makes me happier than for those I read and enjoy regularly taking time out for my foolishness. Much appreciated!
Comment from jmdg1954
Thank you for the larger bold font. It goes a long way with me older eyes.
Your story was compelling. I'm not big on espionage and spy thrillers, but the writing style you chose helped lure me in.
Is this the beginning of fine thing larger in scope?
I seriously enjoyed all your food references. That's something I like to employ in my stories.
Well done, my friend. John
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2023
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Thank you for the larger bold font. It goes a long way with me older eyes.
Your story was compelling. I'm not big on espionage and spy thrillers, but the writing style you chose helped lure me in.
Is this the beginning of fine thing larger in scope?
I seriously enjoyed all your food references. That's something I like to employ in my stories.
Well done, my friend. John
Comment Written 31-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2023
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Thank you so much, John, for your generous review and kind words. As with everything I write, I try to leave them open ended in case I should decide to carry them on. For now, this was just a quickie story to post something, but I never know what will strike me tomorrow. As for the food references, proof you should never start writing a story when you're hungry. And yes, with these tired old eyes, I try to be considerate of my fellow seniors. I'm glad I could entertain you for a minute or two. I enjoy reading your work, and appreciate you taking time out to read mine too. Much appreciated!
Comment from Thesis
The story could use some tightening up, but the story line is good. Lots of description, suspense, and a somewhat unexpected ending. It ended more quickly than I would have imagined. Perhaps more of a relationship could have been made with Olivia before she took her revenge.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2023
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The story could use some tightening up, but the story line is good. Lots of description, suspense, and a somewhat unexpected ending. It ended more quickly than I would have imagined. Perhaps more of a relationship could have been made with Olivia before she took her revenge.
Comment Written 30-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2023
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Thanks for your generous review, comments, and suggestions. Yes, sometimes I cut stories short on Fanstory so as not to infringe too much on people's time. I don't like it much either, but if I make it much longer, it's hard to get anyone to read it. Thanks for taking time to read it! Much appreciated!
Comment from jacquelyn popp
I liked reading your story. Very enjoyable and interesting. I love the way that you talked about New York. The sights, the sounds, food, etc. You did awesome at using imagery. I could actually picture myself in New York. Great idea with her being a double agent. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2023
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I liked reading your story. Very enjoyable and interesting. I love the way that you talked about New York. The sights, the sounds, food, etc. You did awesome at using imagery. I could actually picture myself in New York. Great idea with her being a double agent. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 30-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2023
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Thank you so much, Jacquelyn, for your generous review and kind words. I'm glad you enjoyed reading it. I used to stay at the Carlyle Hotel, and of course, Bemelmans's Jazz club, so I have a little bit of an unfair advantage in describing it. LOL. Thanks again for your encouraging words. Much appreciated!
Comment from lyenochka
Man, this has been some wild Monday readings from werewolves and gory serial killers, and now impaled double agent Marni. This must be horror/thriller Monday.
I really liked "retreated to his booth, tail tucked between his legs, feeling like a rolled-up newspaper-paddled pooch", the running into Santa, and "squeezed Rob in a vise of people." And great job looking up the Russian surname meaning!
You crafted the suspense of who knows what about the other and added a touch of humor, potential romance/flirting with heart-pounding action. I wondered if Marni told Olivia about Rob? Interesting story and somehow, now I'm hungry, after all those lists of foods!
Suggestion:
The paragraph (single sentence?) that started with "Marni and Rob were enjoying another picnic in the park," had a list of food then slipped into clothing, skin, and lips and ended with a pistol. I think you want Marni's description and Rob's reaction to her in separate sentences.
Question:
But as he tried to turn and see, is legs seized up (his legs?)
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2023
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Man, this has been some wild Monday readings from werewolves and gory serial killers, and now impaled double agent Marni. This must be horror/thriller Monday.
I really liked "retreated to his booth, tail tucked between his legs, feeling like a rolled-up newspaper-paddled pooch", the running into Santa, and "squeezed Rob in a vise of people." And great job looking up the Russian surname meaning!
You crafted the suspense of who knows what about the other and added a touch of humor, potential romance/flirting with heart-pounding action. I wondered if Marni told Olivia about Rob? Interesting story and somehow, now I'm hungry, after all those lists of foods!
Suggestion:
The paragraph (single sentence?) that started with "Marni and Rob were enjoying another picnic in the park," had a list of food then slipped into clothing, skin, and lips and ended with a pistol. I think you want Marni's description and Rob's reaction to her in separate sentences.
Question:
But as he tried to turn and see, is legs seized up (his legs?)
Comment Written 30-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2023
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Thank you so much, Helen, for your generous review, kind words, and suggestions. I apologize, but I don't really understand your suggestion or what you think I should do with that opening line about Marni and Rob enjoying another picnic in the park . . . (had a list of food then slipped into clothing?) And the is legs part at the bottom where I left the H out has already been fixed. LOL. I'll go back and try to figure it out. I appreciate YOU!
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I know you're experimenting with run-on sentences but that one really threw me for loop. I was just struck with the food images leading to almost romance and the gun. I know you wanted that effect but grammar-wise, it gave me a Picasso feel with food and body parts. Just thought it could still be two or more sentences there.
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I understand, and I appreciate your input. This sentence was intentionally made to be one sentence for the effect I wanted. Although, I call them run-on sentences, they actually aren't at all. I was just describing the food and her appearance as what was seen, both seemingly delicious, just before the cold pistol was put to Rob's head. And yes, your choice of different sentences is definitely the best in sentence structure and grammar. But as professor Brooks Landon from the University of Iowa said, " In my opinion, the so called rules of grammar should really be thought of as guidelines, some of them quite loose." Please know that I appreciate every suggestion you make, and I can't remember when I haven't used every one. You may be the sweetest person I've known, so please don't get mad at me. :-)
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No way would anyone be mad at you, Ric! Besides, you know Faulkner won the Nobel Prize and his freshman English profs probably choked on their rule book! 😂
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Yes, I told someone earlier today that Don DeLillo, Fowler, Faulkner, and so many others do the same things I do and it's called style preference. When I do it, it's called a stupid mess. LOL.
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Definitely, it's your style and you should own it! 💖
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I don't know what my style is, and even if I have one. But I'm trying to work on it and make it more interesting and more versatile. But mostly so I can hang out with such a nice person as YOU. :-)
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Aww. You sure are a pro in the compliments department! 💖
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Not something I've ever been good at. But some people, very few, bring out the best of me. :-)
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💖💖💞
Comment from Maria Millsaps
I like how you capture the essence of New York City, the food, the streets, and the activities. You must love food because your story is rich with savory suggestions, enticing the stomach to engage. Your writing style reminds me of Mario Puzo, inciting and exciting. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2023
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I like how you capture the essence of New York City, the food, the streets, and the activities. You must love food because your story is rich with savory suggestions, enticing the stomach to engage. Your writing style reminds me of Mario Puzo, inciting and exciting. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 30-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2023
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Thank you so much, Maria, for your extra special six-star review and kind word. As a Mario Puzo fan, there is nothing you could have said that would have been more complementary and encouraging. And you're right, I love food, plus big cities, if I don't have to stay too long. LOL. I appreciate your writing and reviews, but most of all, your kindness!
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Good work. The choppy structure generally worked fine.
Your second sentence lacks a verb, but who cares.
planned for her, since birth. - comma not needed
They shared two $300/bottles of Cabernet Sauvignon, Kathryn Kennedy. - Did I miss something? Did he share the wine 'with' Kathryn?
through the wind with the greatest of ease, - Sorry, but I couldn't stop looking for the flying trapeze.
and pulled off her toboggan beanie, - lol. My wife and I cajole about this a lot. She's a native southern girl who calls winter head-ware a toboggan. I ask - "You have a sled on your head?"
What must've proved a little hard on his ego. - I'd drop the 'must've'
So Olivia slapped him with a syringed poison?
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2023
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Good work. The choppy structure generally worked fine.
Your second sentence lacks a verb, but who cares.
planned for her, since birth. - comma not needed
They shared two $300/bottles of Cabernet Sauvignon, Kathryn Kennedy. - Did I miss something? Did he share the wine 'with' Kathryn?
through the wind with the greatest of ease, - Sorry, but I couldn't stop looking for the flying trapeze.
and pulled off her toboggan beanie, - lol. My wife and I cajole about this a lot. She's a native southern girl who calls winter head-ware a toboggan. I ask - "You have a sled on your head?"
What must've proved a little hard on his ego. - I'd drop the 'must've'
So Olivia slapped him with a syringed poison?
Best wishes.
Comment Written 30-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2023
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Hey, Wayne, thanks so much for your generous review, kind words, suggestions, and comments. As I'm sure you've figured out, I use a lot of fragment when I feel I can get by with it. When DeLillo does it, it's style preference. When I do it, I'm a dummy. LOL. Yes, I know I don't need the comma between planned for her, since birth, but since someone else planned for her, I like separating it was since birth. Again, my silly way of thinking. Cabernet Sauvignon--Kathryn Kennedy is the wine. I'll change the punctuation. I thought the flying with the greatest of ease was a comical reference to the man on the flying trapeze. LOL. You got me tickled about the toboggan sled on your wife's head. And I used must've, since I couldn't have known it was hard on his ego. Now I'll go back and make the changes, but just wanted you know my train of thought. Whether you could ever make sense of it or not. LOL. Yes, she poisoned him.
Thanks again, Wayne. Always appreciated!
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lol
I like your humor.
And as you discovered - I don't know wine.
Best to ya.
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Well, Wayne, I have to admit, I don't know wine either. LOL. I'm a coffee, Iced tea, or water king of guy.
Best back at Ya!
Comment from jenintorre
Firstly I don't think I am the best person to review this story as I am not into espionage but I really enjoyed reading it.
You set all the scenes so well, the Jazz club, the picnic, the diner and the busy street.
I loved the beginning, the club. I really wanted to be there, I could hear the music, I love cool jazz and that kind of atmosphere.
Poor old Rob, he really went for the wrong type of ladies, me thinks.
Multiple masters degrees? ... not sure.
I found the ending a bit abrupt. I wanted more.
All in all a really great and exciting read. X
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2023
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Firstly I don't think I am the best person to review this story as I am not into espionage but I really enjoyed reading it.
You set all the scenes so well, the Jazz club, the picnic, the diner and the busy street.
I loved the beginning, the club. I really wanted to be there, I could hear the music, I love cool jazz and that kind of atmosphere.
Poor old Rob, he really went for the wrong type of ladies, me thinks.
Multiple masters degrees? ... not sure.
I found the ending a bit abrupt. I wanted more.
All in all a really great and exciting read. X
Comment Written 30-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2023
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Thank you so much, Jen, for your extra special six-star review, kind words, and comments. I used to stay at the Carlyle Hotel a lot, and of course, frequented Bemelmans's Bar. If you like smooth jazz, you certainly would enjoy it, as they have the best jazz musicians around there nightly. I remember being there one night when Woody Allen, the actor/writer was there playing the clarinet with his band. The little weasel is actually smooth. I once knew an Olivia who I met there, and she had two master's degrees and a doctorate in something else, which is where I came up with that. Thanks for reading, my dear, and I'm glad you liked it. I appreciate you always!
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Your experiment worked brilliantly, Ric! The ending caught me by surprise, but it worked perfectly, it's what you'd expect in a spy thriller. Marni's death was another shock, all lovely-dovey one minute, then it all turns sideways and just as she's about to kill Rob she's whipped away in the wind and speared like a burger on a skewer! Rob gets to live another day. Now we have Olivia, Marni's sister. Is she out to finish Marni's job? Or is it revenge for her sister's death, which wasn't really Rob's fault. Unfortunately for Rob, she's good at her job, and does get her man ... good and proper!!! Lol. This was an amazing story, my friend, the detail was blood-curdling, but realistic, too. Well done!!! Loved it. :)) Sandra xxxx
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2023
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Your experiment worked brilliantly, Ric! The ending caught me by surprise, but it worked perfectly, it's what you'd expect in a spy thriller. Marni's death was another shock, all lovely-dovey one minute, then it all turns sideways and just as she's about to kill Rob she's whipped away in the wind and speared like a burger on a skewer! Rob gets to live another day. Now we have Olivia, Marni's sister. Is she out to finish Marni's job? Or is it revenge for her sister's death, which wasn't really Rob's fault. Unfortunately for Rob, she's good at her job, and does get her man ... good and proper!!! Lol. This was an amazing story, my friend, the detail was blood-curdling, but realistic, too. Well done!!! Loved it. :)) Sandra xxxx
Comment Written 30-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2023
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Thank you so much, Sandra, my dear, for your extra special six-star review and kind words. I'm glad you enjoyed more of my foolishness and thought my experimental longer sentences worked. I've been studying teachings of professor Brooks Landon from the University of Iowa and his ideas are opposite everything I've ever been taught or told. Thank you again and I hope you're feeling better every day! A great big bear hug!
Comment from karenina
Who are you and what have you done with Ric? LOL.
Seriously a major change in writing style for you and I lost my bearings there for a paragraph or two.
Once I got the "gist" I went back and began again ~ Still, I have to say the picnic, red lips, gun, and the temple and...tornado I think? With an impaled female to top it off was....well...a lot!
Remind me never to cozy up to secret agents. It seems even the weather doesn't like them!
You took me places I wasn't expecting to go... and Hell's Bells! Olivia was one witchy woman huh?
She went from recommending the sandwich du jour to doing Rob in, with a wink and a wiggle!
You write well in any style or genre, Ric ~ I think mostly because you do not write to "anticipate what the reader might want" ~~ You are true to yourself and THAT makes all the difference!
I'm caught up now...
Please, if there are any others I missed pre-October, Trick, or Treat post, drop me a PM...
DO NOT assume I'm ignoring you.
Karenina
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2023
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Who are you and what have you done with Ric? LOL.
Seriously a major change in writing style for you and I lost my bearings there for a paragraph or two.
Once I got the "gist" I went back and began again ~ Still, I have to say the picnic, red lips, gun, and the temple and...tornado I think? With an impaled female to top it off was....well...a lot!
Remind me never to cozy up to secret agents. It seems even the weather doesn't like them!
You took me places I wasn't expecting to go... and Hell's Bells! Olivia was one witchy woman huh?
She went from recommending the sandwich du jour to doing Rob in, with a wink and a wiggle!
You write well in any style or genre, Ric ~ I think mostly because you do not write to "anticipate what the reader might want" ~~ You are true to yourself and THAT makes all the difference!
I'm caught up now...
Please, if there are any others I missed pre-October, Trick, or Treat post, drop me a PM...
DO NOT assume I'm ignoring you.
Karenina
Comment Written 30-Jan-2023
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2023
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Thank you so much, Karenina, for your generous review and kind words. I've been studying online with professor Brooks Landon of the University of Iowa and he has taught me to ignore about everything I'd ever learned before. Including that the so called rules of grammar should really be thought of as simply guidelines, some of them quite loose. Which as you know by now, suits me just fine. LOL. Take it slow and easy and just keep getting better! I appreciate you as always!
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Which is why I insert a dash--because I know something belongs, but damned if I know what...
Or those ellipses above. It's like botox for my ignorancd!
(smile)