The Aspen Grove Murders
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "The Aspen Grove Murders #2"A Tommy Thompson Mystery
34 total reviews
Comment from Wendy G
Now it is really the on-going spiritual battle between good and evil obviously and even visibly at work in your story. Tommy is in pain beyond belief so the presence and wisdom of Patience will be very important to him. I do wonder how he will explain wearing his daughter's cross in a way that others will understand, and not draw suspicion upon himself. As always, your writing is excellent.
Wendy
Suggestion:
"Willa was waiting outside the washroom as I opened the door with a curious look in her eye..." could perhaps be changed to
"Willa was waiting, with a curious look in her eye, outside the washroom as I opened the door."
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2022
  |
Now it is really the on-going spiritual battle between good and evil obviously and even visibly at work in your story. Tommy is in pain beyond belief so the presence and wisdom of Patience will be very important to him. I do wonder how he will explain wearing his daughter's cross in a way that others will understand, and not draw suspicion upon himself. As always, your writing is excellent.
Wendy
Suggestion:
"Willa was waiting outside the washroom as I opened the door with a curious look in her eye..." could perhaps be changed to
"Willa was waiting, with a curious look in her eye, outside the washroom as I opened the door."
Comment Written 14-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2022
-
Thank you, Wendy. I appreciate the kind review and help. Sending you my best today as always,
Sal XOs
Comment from Jay Squires
I am so impressed by this, my first reading from this wonderful book. Now I have to go back -- after I perform due diligence with the other FanStory selections I've downloaded already this week -- and read chapter 1. I want to know how it got past me. Anyway, you've done a marvelous job with this chapter. I had only one thing that gave me pause, and it may not be pertinent:
Orange is Jo Jenkins, as she is the only one who lived to tell a story." [I don't know if it's pertinent, but the preceding paragraph suggests there was more than one orange one.]
Hurry and get the next chapter out, Sally!
Jay
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2022
|
I am so impressed by this, my first reading from this wonderful book. Now I have to go back -- after I perform due diligence with the other FanStory selections I've downloaded already this week -- and read chapter 1. I want to know how it got past me. Anyway, you've done a marvelous job with this chapter. I had only one thing that gave me pause, and it may not be pertinent:
Orange is Jo Jenkins, as she is the only one who lived to tell a story." [I don't know if it's pertinent, but the preceding paragraph suggests there was more than one orange one.]
Hurry and get the next chapter out, Sally!
Jay
Comment Written 14-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2022
-
Thank you for the wonderful review and generous stars, Jay. Thank you for the recommendation. I will seek to clarify the section. Sending you my best today as always,
Sal XOs
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is an unusual tale and not like the cold case ones. I assume this is a fantasy and Tommy isn't dreaming. It is well-written and entertaining. The one thing you might want to change is: . . . we (are) waiting . . . I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2022
|
This is an unusual tale and not like the cold case ones. I assume this is a fantasy and Tommy isn't dreaming. It is well-written and entertaining. The one thing you might want to change is: . . . we (are) waiting . . . I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 14-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2022
-
Thank you for the wonderful review and kind help. I have repaired the error. Sending you my best today as always,
Sal XOs
Comment from Debi Pick Marquette
Sally, I might need a chapter just to write about everything that I loved about this part to your story. First off, your characters are so well defined and I just love them so much that I have them instilled in my memory for the next part. Tommy is such a wonderful man and father that I am tearing up just thinking of his pain. Willa and the Dr are amazing professionals that I can tell will be big on this journey to catch the killer. I love the Angel, Patience and reminds me of a beautiful detective I know who can turn from the sweetest loving witness of God, to a real mama bear, or should I say Lioness if needed. Nic, oops I mean Nix is characterized exactly as I would expect and should be cast into the pits of hell. I guess that day is coming and is from another story. But you get my point. I am not sure how often you will be posting, but I guarantee I will be counting the days, because this is so suspenseful and interesting. I just can't help but to cheer these great people on and I love love love that God is included and I am sure will make Patience's role incredible. For her, the sky is the limit, so nothing will surprise me. Or will it??
I wish I had about TEN six stars to give you right now, because this one is even better than the start of the story and I didn't think it could be topped. I guess you are full of surprises after all.!!!! Thank you so much for this story and may I add a couple adjectives?? Brilliant and Genius!!!!!
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2022
 |
Sally, I might need a chapter just to write about everything that I loved about this part to your story. First off, your characters are so well defined and I just love them so much that I have them instilled in my memory for the next part. Tommy is such a wonderful man and father that I am tearing up just thinking of his pain. Willa and the Dr are amazing professionals that I can tell will be big on this journey to catch the killer. I love the Angel, Patience and reminds me of a beautiful detective I know who can turn from the sweetest loving witness of God, to a real mama bear, or should I say Lioness if needed. Nic, oops I mean Nix is characterized exactly as I would expect and should be cast into the pits of hell. I guess that day is coming and is from another story. But you get my point. I am not sure how often you will be posting, but I guarantee I will be counting the days, because this is so suspenseful and interesting. I just can't help but to cheer these great people on and I love love love that God is included and I am sure will make Patience's role incredible. For her, the sky is the limit, so nothing will surprise me. Or will it??
I wish I had about TEN six stars to give you right now, because this one is even better than the start of the story and I didn't think it could be topped. I guess you are full of surprises after all.!!!! Thank you so much for this story and may I add a couple adjectives?? Brilliant and Genius!!!!!
Comment Written 14-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2022
-
Aw, this is just the most wonderful review! I?m so very honored and blessed. Like you, I love this story and these characters have become so real to me, Nix excluded. (I got the shivers writing about him so it must?ve been authentic.) I had inspiration for his name. You like it?
I plan on posting a chapter every week, God willing. Thank you for the kind and generous super stars and mile high compliments! I will look upon this review anytime I feel discouraged.
Love and blessings always,
Sal XOs
-
Yeah, maybe the same inspiration I had when I accidentally put the wrong name in before I remembered it was Nix. Hahahaha!!!
And you deserved every word I said because I meant them and more.. i did absolutely love it and can't wait for the next one. You inspire me to be a better person and writer.
-
I?m still flying high on this super kind review. You made my week. Come to think of it, it?s typical of you to bless me head to toe! And we know how tall I am, even in my flats! Blessings, sweet friend, LeSalle XOs
Comment from lyenochka
This is certainly a different kind of detective series! You have entered into the metaphysical realm and gave us a glimpse of the spiritual battles all around us that we cannot see with our physical eyes. It is good that Tommy has had that encounter and he won't be a "doubting Thomas" but one full of faith and courage with a great team!
managed to eek out a proposal (eke)
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2022
|
This is certainly a different kind of detective series! You have entered into the metaphysical realm and gave us a glimpse of the spiritual battles all around us that we cannot see with our physical eyes. It is good that Tommy has had that encounter and he won't be a "doubting Thomas" but one full of faith and courage with a great team!
managed to eek out a proposal (eke)
Comment Written 14-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2022
-
Dear Helen, Thank you so much for the wonderful review and generous six star rating. I?m so honored and blessed to have a near me. I appreciate the helpful critique. I have to get the correct spelling in my voice text. When I say eke it comes out the other way. I had to correct it just now. I can see why they?re easily confused. I?m glad you like my new book and are staying tuned. Blessings to you always, Sally XOs
Comment from Carol Clark2
Well written story. I'm glad Tommy has phoebe's necklace back. Your descriptions of the angelic visitor and the demon are great, and I like that you included a noxious smell for the demon. The dialogue is realistic and moves the story forward. Blessings.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2022
|
Well written story. I'm glad Tommy has phoebe's necklace back. Your descriptions of the angelic visitor and the demon are great, and I like that you included a noxious smell for the demon. The dialogue is realistic and moves the story forward. Blessings.
Comment Written 14-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2022
-
Dear Carol, thank you so much for the wonderful review and generous six star rating once again. I am both honored and blessed to have you near. I?m glad you?re enjoying my new book and my turn to something new. I?m glad you like your spiritual battle between good and evil I?ve weaved into the story. Sending you my best today as always,
Sal XOs
Comment from damommy
Well, this is certainly different, and I like it very much. I'm rooted to the spot while reading this. I can hardly wait for more. Sadly, and I don't know how it happened, but I'm out of sixes. This certainly deserves one. I will save one for this next time.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2022
|
Well, this is certainly different, and I like it very much. I'm rooted to the spot while reading this. I can hardly wait for more. Sadly, and I don't know how it happened, but I'm out of sixes. This certainly deserves one. I will save one for this next time.
Comment Written 14-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2022
-
Thank you for the lovely review and generous stars! The first chapter was originally in the blind contest: Murder We Wrote, and I withdrew it and put it into a book. It was the only one that wasn?t a short story, and decided it was best for me in the long run.
I?m glad you enjoyed my newest book chapter with a spiritual twist. Sending you my best today as always,
Sal XOs
Comment from Ulla
Hi Sally, this is so very well written. I can certainly understand why Tommy is so desperate. I would be as well.
I will be perfectly honest. I have difficulty with the religious aspect and especially with the fantasy part of it. It makes it completely unreal as a crime story. The category should be fantasy writing. Please don't take offense. It's just my humble opinion.
Verses should be versus. Verses is plural of Verse. A big hug, Ulla xxx
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2022
|
Hi Sally, this is so very well written. I can certainly understand why Tommy is so desperate. I would be as well.
I will be perfectly honest. I have difficulty with the religious aspect and especially with the fantasy part of it. It makes it completely unreal as a crime story. The category should be fantasy writing. Please don't take offense. It's just my humble opinion.
Verses should be versus. Verses is plural of Verse. A big hug, Ulla xxx
Comment Written 14-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2022
-
Thank you for the lovely review and generous generous stars! I?m so very blessed! I will repair that right now. Sending you my best today as always,
Sal XOs
Comment from Mary Shifman
Excellent second chapter. One would certainly have to be changed after the encounter the detective experienced in the park. I'm already looking for the third chapter! I noticed one possible mistake.
"... and without impunity?" (shouldn't it be with impunity?)
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2022
|
Excellent second chapter. One would certainly have to be changed after the encounter the detective experienced in the park. I'm already looking for the third chapter! I noticed one possible mistake.
"... and without impunity?" (shouldn't it be with impunity?)
Comment Written 14-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2022
-
Thank you, Mary. My FS editor is cranky today. I have changed it twice and it just doesn't seem to respond. I have 'with impunity' now. I appreciate your kind help. Blessings, Sal XOs
-
You are very welcome.
Comment from royowen
I think if I was in the same circumstance as Tommy, I would surely feel the same way he did. Angels have various people in the Bible, Jesus Himself, Moses, Elisha Ann Elijah, why not we folk, God is no respecter of persons, this is beautifully written Sally, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2022
|
I think if I was in the same circumstance as Tommy, I would surely feel the same way he did. Angels have various people in the Bible, Jesus Himself, Moses, Elisha Ann Elijah, why not we folk, God is no respecter of persons, this is beautifully written Sally, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 14-Nov-2022
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2022
-
Thank you for the lovely review and generous stars. So glad you like the spiritual theme too. Sending you my best today as always,
Sal XOs
-
Most welcome Sal
