Football - A Novel
Viewing comments for Chapter 41 "Football Chapter 21 part 1"A mother faces life's struggles.
29 total reviews
Comment from Pam (respa)
-A great image for the chapter, barbara.
-It adds suspense before things begin.
-You did a good job building it, from
the noises Katherine heard to her
using the phone under the covers.
-I think it was good she called Gabe
first because he knows her and
the necessary people to call, and
also can calm Katherine's nerves.
-You did a good job with the
investigation part of the story,
and people are certainly concerned
about what is and has been going on.
-Interesting comment about Frost
possibly being a pawn.
-I'm surprised Brad want to wait
until morning for prints and a mold,
although maybe getting the right
materials could have complicated
getting it done then.
-It sounds like Gabe and Katherine
could use the time to talk, too.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2021
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-A great image for the chapter, barbara.
-It adds suspense before things begin.
-You did a good job building it, from
the noises Katherine heard to her
using the phone under the covers.
-I think it was good she called Gabe
first because he knows her and
the necessary people to call, and
also can calm Katherine's nerves.
-You did a good job with the
investigation part of the story,
and people are certainly concerned
about what is and has been going on.
-Interesting comment about Frost
possibly being a pawn.
-I'm surprised Brad want to wait
until morning for prints and a mold,
although maybe getting the right
materials could have complicated
getting it done then.
-It sounds like Gabe and Katherine
could use the time to talk, too.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2021
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It's a small town. Things take time. Thank you for the kind review.
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You are welcome, Barbara and thanks for sharing.
Comment from elchupakabra
I find this whole chapter problematic.
Why is the P.I. jiggling the front door knob? A private eye would know better. He was also caught really quickly, he seems very inept.
This whole scene comes off as a pre-tense to create sexual tension between Gabriel and Katherine but the dialogue is often clunky;
I did. You called at two-forty-seven in the middle of the night and sounded scared. I knew the P.I. would probably be outside, so I didn't think I'd better come by myself.
You called at two forty-seven or you called in the middle of the night, having both is redundant. The phrasing 'so I didn't think I'd better come by myself' is odd - it's not indicative of how people generally speak - 'You called in the middle of the night and you sounded scared, so I thought I should bring backup.'
"Don't go around the outside of that window until I return in the morning. I want to take a mold of the footprints and check for fingerprints." He turned toward the front door. "Has anybody touched the outside knob?" // Why? If the P.I. was apprehended at the scene, they wouldn't need to go through CSI steps to prove it
The chapter is a bit confusing in respect of was the person in her bedroom or outside her window - why is her bedroom window on the ground floor? - if it's not on the ground floor, how was the light shining in the window.
Overall, it is still good work, but I found this chapter to be more troublesome than the previous ones. Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing. Later daze.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2021
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I find this whole chapter problematic.
Why is the P.I. jiggling the front door knob? A private eye would know better. He was also caught really quickly, he seems very inept.
This whole scene comes off as a pre-tense to create sexual tension between Gabriel and Katherine but the dialogue is often clunky;
I did. You called at two-forty-seven in the middle of the night and sounded scared. I knew the P.I. would probably be outside, so I didn't think I'd better come by myself.
You called at two forty-seven or you called in the middle of the night, having both is redundant. The phrasing 'so I didn't think I'd better come by myself' is odd - it's not indicative of how people generally speak - 'You called in the middle of the night and you sounded scared, so I thought I should bring backup.'
"Don't go around the outside of that window until I return in the morning. I want to take a mold of the footprints and check for fingerprints." He turned toward the front door. "Has anybody touched the outside knob?" // Why? If the P.I. was apprehended at the scene, they wouldn't need to go through CSI steps to prove it
The chapter is a bit confusing in respect of was the person in her bedroom or outside her window - why is her bedroom window on the ground floor? - if it's not on the ground floor, how was the light shining in the window.
Overall, it is still good work, but I found this chapter to be more troublesome than the previous ones. Keep up the good work and thanks for sharing. Later daze.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2021
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Many houses in Texas only have one floor. It's too hot for an upstairs. This house does, but the master room is on the ground floor and have individual air conditioners in the windows. My is retired CID, yes, you still need evidence. A good lawyer will get them off. He's a poor small town P.I. I have made some of the corrections.
Comment from Ben Colder
Man! She had a fright of all the gall to prowl and even shine a light in the bedroom window. This person was nuts. LOL. Good one, Barb.
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2021
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Man! She had a fright of all the gall to prowl and even shine a light in the bedroom window. This person was nuts. LOL. Good one, Barb.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2021
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He sure is. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was excellent! Well done with this part. It's coming to a head now, and I won't to know what the heck is going on with this PI, and Frost, and now the in-laws are on the scene. Are they after the children and wanted to catch her with someone? Even if she was, it would be none of their business. Really well done, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2021
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That was excellent! Well done with this part. It's coming to a head now, and I won't to know what the heck is going on with this PI, and Frost, and now the in-laws are on the scene. Are they after the children and wanted to catch her with someone? Even if she was, it would be none of their business. Really well done, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 27-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2021
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We'll see exactly what's going on very soon. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Ulla
That was a bit of a scare for poor Kate. But she certainly got help very quickly and more than she'd counted on.
Just one thing: He held it has she put her arms = as she put her arms
Great continuation. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2021
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That was a bit of a scare for poor Kate. But she certainly got help very quickly and more than she'd counted on.
Just one thing: He held it has she put her arms = as she put her arms
Great continuation. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 27-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2021
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Thank you for the catch. I'm on my way to fix it.
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You're welcome. Ulla:)))
Comment from Gert sherwood
"Good. That should give us plenty of time." Gabriel opened his arms. "Come here." When she went into them, he held her and then said, "Good night."
and what is going about the Pepping Tom
Gert
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2021
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"Good. That should give us plenty of time." Gabriel opened his arms. "Come here." When she went into them, he held her and then said, "Good night."
and what is going about the Pepping Tom
Gert
Comment Written 27-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2021
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He went to the police station. Thank you for the kind review.
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Barb You are so welcome
Gert
Comment from Begin Again
Never fear...Detective Me is here! I've got my list of suspects: Frost (who we've decided is most likely just a pawn in the game), the in-laws, the dropped-like-a-hot-cake model, or someone we don't know about yet. You've given us a lot to think about in this chapter and opened Katherine's eyes a bit more to Gabriel as well. Maybe she is ready to trust him because he's more than ready to love her. A fantastic chapter, Barbara. Loved every second of the suspense and intrigue. Smiles and hugs, Carol
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2021
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Never fear...Detective Me is here! I've got my list of suspects: Frost (who we've decided is most likely just a pawn in the game), the in-laws, the dropped-like-a-hot-cake model, or someone we don't know about yet. You've given us a lot to think about in this chapter and opened Katherine's eyes a bit more to Gabriel as well. Maybe she is ready to trust him because he's more than ready to love her. A fantastic chapter, Barbara. Loved every second of the suspense and intrigue. Smiles and hugs, Carol
Comment Written 27-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2021
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I like your thinking. Thank you for the kind review.
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Can't wait to see where you travel with this one! Smiles...
Comment from BethShelby
This is so interesting that Frost is mayhe just a pawn. It occurs to me that maybe the inlaws want custody of the kids and are hoping to find some reason to take them. I could be way off base. I'll be waiting to find out more.
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reply by the author on 27-Jun-2021
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This is so interesting that Frost is mayhe just a pawn. It occurs to me that maybe the inlaws want custody of the kids and are hoping to find some reason to take them. I could be way off base. I'll be waiting to find out more.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2021
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You are extremely close. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Didn't see that coming! Intriguing speculation on Frost being a pawn versus the initiator of the spying. If so, my guess is Brad's ex-model is behind this. We shall see! Nice work--moves along--suspense builds--POW!
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reply by the author on 27-Jun-2021
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Didn't see that coming! Intriguing speculation on Frost being a pawn versus the initiator of the spying. If so, my guess is Brad's ex-model is behind this. We shall see! Nice work--moves along--suspense builds--POW!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2021
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Interesting guess. Thank you for the kind review.