Football - A Novel
Viewing comments for Chapter 35 "Football Chapter 17 part 2"A mother faces life's struggles.
25 total reviews
Comment from BethShelby
That is a shocking statistic in the picture. I also find it shocking because in my way of thinking, they aren't really men and women before eighteen. They're still minors and so many of them have had intimate partners so young is alarming. I loved the story and I think Katherine handled it well. However, it might have turned out differently if the father or mother had caused the bruises. Had that happened, I'm not sure what the outcome might have been.
reply by the author on 16-May-2021
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That is a shocking statistic in the picture. I also find it shocking because in my way of thinking, they aren't really men and women before eighteen. They're still minors and so many of them have had intimate partners so young is alarming. I loved the story and I think Katherine handled it well. However, it might have turned out differently if the father or mother had caused the bruises. Had that happened, I'm not sure what the outcome might have been.
Comment Written 16-May-2021
reply by the author on 16-May-2021
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Thank you for the understanding. I had a lot more stats but decided against putting them in.
Comment from lancellot
Hmm, honestly, this was a bit strange because it had no set up and went really fast. Katherine moved based on a girl's word without checking and called the parents?? Who is Kenny, and why is the abuse angle a part of the story? Gabe solved it my making him join the football team?? So many steps were skipped in ways that should not have been. Teachers are mandated reporters. No investigation. No administration? No reports. No police? We just assume Kenny is guilty.
Are you sure about this chapter? Is child abuse a part of your story?
Notes:
"Coach Riley, Mr. and Mrs. Morgan. I'm [need} outside."
- needed
Some of the dialogue were missing the 'are' word, but I'm not sure if that is just how the Morgan's talk.
reply by the author on 16-May-2021
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Hmm, honestly, this was a bit strange because it had no set up and went really fast. Katherine moved based on a girl's word without checking and called the parents?? Who is Kenny, and why is the abuse angle a part of the story? Gabe solved it my making him join the football team?? So many steps were skipped in ways that should not have been. Teachers are mandated reporters. No investigation. No administration? No reports. No police? We just assume Kenny is guilty.
Are you sure about this chapter? Is child abuse a part of your story?
Notes:
"Coach Riley, Mr. and Mrs. Morgan. I'm [need} outside."
- needed
Some of the dialogue were missing the 'are' word, but I'm not sure if that is just how the Morgan's talk.
Comment Written 16-May-2021
reply by the author on 16-May-2021
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Yes, I left the 'are' out on purpose. I added the 'ed' on needed. You are correct teachers are mandatory reporters, but in order to do that we need an outcry by the student. Just bruises are not enough to report it. I have had my hand slapped numerous times for reporting black eyes, etc, on my little ones without an outcry. Plus Katherine didn't see the bruises another child told her about it. Just so you know later on the police are notified. After reading your review, I called my son who teaches high school math at one of the Texas schools and double checked. He said, "That's a tricky one." It's the way I presented it. I am going to check further. I promise.
Comment from fretless
I took the time to read it and I'm glad I did. I have trouble keeping up with characters names, who they are, and the roles that they play in a story; but you had the reference guide at the bottom of the page and that helped immensely. This is a serious subject and It touched a special part of my soul when talking or reading about it. Great delivery.
reply by the author on 16-May-2021
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I took the time to read it and I'm glad I did. I have trouble keeping up with characters names, who they are, and the roles that they play in a story; but you had the reference guide at the bottom of the page and that helped immensely. This is a serious subject and It touched a special part of my soul when talking or reading about it. Great delivery.
Comment Written 16-May-2021
reply by the author on 16-May-2021
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Thank you for dropping by and leaving this review.
Comment from Leann DS
This is a good chapter that shows the empathy and caring of your two main characters. It's a positive development that helps to move your story forward.
You may want to reconsider how Catherine handled the girls bruises. It would never be a good idea to call in the parents before talking to the student. Often times, it is the parents who caused the bruises. Luckily, in this case, it is not so, but this could have turned out very badly for the girl.
A couple small typos I noticed are as follows: Katherine frowned. "It's a private joke. Don't worry about. Your brothers are
* don't worry about it
"I honestly didn't know what do to. I just knew I needed to do something and it sort of fell into place."
* honestly know what to do
Katherine walked him to door. "Good night."
* walked him to the door
I hope this is helpful. Keep writing! Have a blessed rest of the weekend. Hugs.
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reply by the author on 16-May-2021
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This is a good chapter that shows the empathy and caring of your two main characters. It's a positive development that helps to move your story forward.
You may want to reconsider how Catherine handled the girls bruises. It would never be a good idea to call in the parents before talking to the student. Often times, it is the parents who caused the bruises. Luckily, in this case, it is not so, but this could have turned out very badly for the girl.
A couple small typos I noticed are as follows: Katherine frowned. "It's a private joke. Don't worry about. Your brothers are
* don't worry about it
"I honestly didn't know what do to. I just knew I needed to do something and it sort of fell into place."
* honestly know what to do
Katherine walked him to door. "Good night."
* walked him to the door
I hope this is helpful. Keep writing! Have a blessed rest of the weekend. Hugs.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-May-2021
reply by the author on 16-May-2021
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I have added those missing words. Thank you for the catches.
Comment from Begin Again
I'm need outside."
Both parents stared her,
Don't worry about.
Oh and there's that famous "but" again... No buts about it Katherine...
You handled the situation with Rhonda superbly. And allowing Gabriel to step in to was great. Enjoyed the chapter. Smiles, Carol
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 16-May-2021
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I'm need outside."
Both parents stared her,
Don't worry about.
Oh and there's that famous "but" again... No buts about it Katherine...
You handled the situation with Rhonda superbly. And allowing Gabriel to step in to was great. Enjoyed the chapter. Smiles, Carol
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-May-2021
reply by the author on 16-May-2021
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Thank you for the kind review. I have added those missing little words.