Football - A Novel
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Football Chapter 7 part 1"A mother faces life's struggles.
25 total reviews
Comment from RetroStarfish
Great chapter. There's stuff happening to move the plot forward, but the pacing is good - natural.
I like the way you've got the boys embarrassed by their Mom's kisses, and Catharine embarrassed by her own mother's observations about the Coach.
One small typo:
"I forgot to ask Mom of she can be here about 5:45..."
I'm intrigued by the dogs growling and look forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2020
  |
Great chapter. There's stuff happening to move the plot forward, but the pacing is good - natural.
I like the way you've got the boys embarrassed by their Mom's kisses, and Catharine embarrassed by her own mother's observations about the Coach.
One small typo:
"I forgot to ask Mom of she can be here about 5:45..."
I'm intrigued by the dogs growling and look forward to reading more.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2020
-
I had rewritten that sentence as I posted and forgot to change the word. Thank you for the catch.
Comment from estory
The main strength of the chapter is the realistic dialogue that fleshes out the characters. We get the embarrassed son trying to define himself from his mother, the mother concerned for her son, doing her best for him, not afraid to show her feelings, and the coach trying to get closer to Katherine, willing to take on her son as part of the package. A bit of an air too of suspense with those dogs growling at something. Is Frost lurking in the shadows? We'll see...estory
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2020
|
The main strength of the chapter is the realistic dialogue that fleshes out the characters. We get the embarrassed son trying to define himself from his mother, the mother concerned for her son, doing her best for him, not afraid to show her feelings, and the coach trying to get closer to Katherine, willing to take on her son as part of the package. A bit of an air too of suspense with those dogs growling at something. Is Frost lurking in the shadows? We'll see...estory
Comment Written 20-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2020
-
We'll eventually learn who or what the dogs are growling at. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from BethShelby
I'm curious as to what the dogs could be growling about. No doubt it is in some way connected to Frost even if he is in jail. You mentioned he might have help. I'm enjoying the dialogue between Katherine and Gabriel. He mother likes to tease her about him. I look forward to your next chapter.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2020
|
I'm curious as to what the dogs could be growling about. No doubt it is in some way connected to Frost even if he is in jail. You mentioned he might have help. I'm enjoying the dialogue between Katherine and Gabriel. He mother likes to tease her about him. I look forward to your next chapter.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2020
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from robyn corum
Barb,
A nice, calm, interesting, and slightly-spooky and nerve-wracking chapter. With everything else that's going on - those dogs and their hackles indicate trouble, trouble, trouble.
Notes:
1.) "It's what mom(s) do and I'm a mom." She reached over and embraced
--> just plural, not possessive
2.) Gabriel chuckled. "I have a (m)om too. It's what they do. Let's go."
3.) Coach Hudson leaned inside the car and hugged, Sarah.
--> no comma
Thank you - enjoyed!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2020
|
Barb,
A nice, calm, interesting, and slightly-spooky and nerve-wracking chapter. With everything else that's going on - those dogs and their hackles indicate trouble, trouble, trouble.
Notes:
1.) "It's what mom(s) do and I'm a mom." She reached over and embraced
--> just plural, not possessive
2.) Gabriel chuckled. "I have a (m)om too. It's what they do. Let's go."
3.) Coach Hudson leaned inside the car and hugged, Sarah.
--> no comma
Thank you - enjoyed!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2020
-
Thank you. I have made the changes and surprised I missed those up. I knew each one.
Comment from Ben Colder
This is beginning to thicken. You are presenting this in a certain way leaving mystery in the back of the reader's mind.
Interesting Barb. I see a close relationship developing. So typical about mother's car.
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2020
 |
This is beginning to thicken. You are presenting this in a certain way leaving mystery in the back of the reader's mind.
Interesting Barb. I see a close relationship developing. So typical about mother's car.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2020
-
Thank you for the kind review.