Heart Cafted Poems - 2020
Viewing comments for Chapter 46 "A stroll in the woods"Musings of an old man -2020
26 total reviews
Comment from royowen
I like the the way your poem flows Jim, it followed a very fluid course, not only the meter, but the the continuity in the looping seem to blend very nicely indeed. This is a really good Loop, that shines its bright light, well done, blessings Roy
Typo : to(o) cover
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
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I like the the way your poem flows Jim, it followed a very fluid course, not only the meter, but the the continuity in the looping seem to blend very nicely indeed. This is a really good Loop, that shines its bright light, well done, blessings Roy
Typo : to(o) cover
Comment Written 19-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
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Thanks Roy,
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Most welcome
Comment from LisaMay
This is a nicely evocative scenario where you convey the feeling of cold amidst the trees, and movement as you stroll then twirl.
Corrections:
Too (to) cover our faces,
(In this context, the correct word is 'to' not 'too'.)
In your last line (as we twirl like a dervish whose hearts are bright.) to continue the loop repeat the first word should be 'dance' from the preceding line.
Also, i've been told a true loop poem should have the very last word of the last stanza the same as the very first word of the first stanza to complete the loop .
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reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
 |
This is a nicely evocative scenario where you convey the feeling of cold amidst the trees, and movement as you stroll then twirl.
Corrections:
Too (to) cover our faces,
(In this context, the correct word is 'to' not 'too'.)
In your last line (as we twirl like a dervish whose hearts are bright.) to continue the loop repeat the first word should be 'dance' from the preceding line.
Also, i've been told a true loop poem should have the very last word of the last stanza the same as the very first word of the first stanza to complete the loop .
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
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My dear friend, please know that I am like a sponge, absorbing every bit of wise counsel I obtain from, especially your thorough comments.
Based on this contest guidelines of The rhyme scheme as abcb, I don't see how I can make the very last word of the last stanza the same as the very first word of the first stanza to complete the loop?
It would have to read:
dance, as we twirl like dervishes who also are on this stroll. However, I lose the ABCB rhyme scheme doing this.
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Seems you've got a bit of a challenge to modify your lines if you were to continue your loop. Most poems don't attempt to, I've noticed, but Pantygynt pointed out to me that a true loop poem continues the loop back to the beginning.
Comment from mermaids
Your vivid use of words takes the reader out into nature on a walk. I was not familiar with loop poetry but it is so much fun to read. "Collars so high, it covers our grins," is my favorite line. It makes the nature journey fun and the reader feels like she is there.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
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Your vivid use of words takes the reader out into nature on a walk. I was not familiar with loop poetry but it is so much fun to read. "Collars so high, it covers our grins," is my favorite line. It makes the nature journey fun and the reader feels like she is there.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
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Thank you so very much!
Comment from Carlos' girl
This is a beautiful loop poem with a great pace, perfect word choices and subtle rhymes internally sparking life into your poem. This poem has a great spark to it, as if lit from within with joy. i love it. Good job i give it six stars for brightness.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
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This is a beautiful loop poem with a great pace, perfect word choices and subtle rhymes internally sparking life into your poem. This poem has a great spark to it, as if lit from within with joy. i love it. Good job i give it six stars for brightness.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
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Carlos' girl I am so very hinired for this six-star review.
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im glad to honor your work
Comment from emmaysavage
I like the form and continuity, and the art you chose seems perfect for the poem. I especially like the imagery in your second stanza. Congratulations
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
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I like the form and continuity, and the art you chose seems perfect for the poem. I especially like the imagery in your second stanza. Congratulations
Comment Written 19-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
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emmay, thank you fir such a nice review and comments,
Comment from Jasmine Girl
I like this looping poem. Yes. I will turn head to this gorgeous forest. I'm glad that you've used this art again. I like the optimistic tone of this poem and the rhyming scheme.
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reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
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I like this looping poem. Yes. I will turn head to this gorgeous forest. I'm glad that you've used this art again. I like the optimistic tone of this poem and the rhyming scheme.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
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Lisa, thank you! I found I did need to change the final stanza, but it works. Be well and thanks for your time taken to read and comment on my work.
