A Hopeless Case
A rhymed poem for the contest56 total reviews
Comment from kiwisteveh
Ah, you caught me out on Professor Strunk - I had to google him, so now I truly get the cleverness of the last line!
I like that you've trteated this contest with the seriousness it deserves - I have done the same. However, my rollicking tale is nonsense from the start whereas yours sucks the reader in more patiently with a grandiose beginning which could just be serious.
I must admit I didn't catch on to the leg-pull until the circumlocutious balderdash.
This should do well. Good luck!
Steve
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2020
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Ah, you caught me out on Professor Strunk - I had to google him, so now I truly get the cleverness of the last line!
I like that you've trteated this contest with the seriousness it deserves - I have done the same. However, my rollicking tale is nonsense from the start whereas yours sucks the reader in more patiently with a grandiose beginning which could just be serious.
I must admit I didn't catch on to the leg-pull until the circumlocutious balderdash.
This should do well. Good luck!
Steve
Comment Written 24-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2020
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Thanks, Steve. Professor Strunk caused me to rethink quite a few passages in my recently released novel. Enough to drive anyone to drink. I appreciate your kind words, good luck wishes, and six glitterati.
Comment from CD Richards
Though I acknowledge many personal faults, alcoholism is not one of them. Still, anyone hearing me try to pronounce some of your wisely-chosen words might well think so, Tony. I've just been watching an episode of Upstart Crow, and it strikes me that both circumlocutious and asphodel would fit quite perfectly. And balderdash -- well, it goes without saying.
Is the subject anyone we know?
You've excelled, as usual, with this poem. Professor Strunk would indeed be most proud. Well done, and best of luck.
Craig
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2020
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Though I acknowledge many personal faults, alcoholism is not one of them. Still, anyone hearing me try to pronounce some of your wisely-chosen words might well think so, Tony. I've just been watching an episode of Upstart Crow, and it strikes me that both circumlocutious and asphodel would fit quite perfectly. And balderdash -- well, it goes without saying.
Is the subject anyone we know?
You've excelled, as usual, with this poem. Professor Strunk would indeed be most proud. Well done, and best of luck.
Craig
Comment Written 24-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2020
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Thanks for the review and sixer, Craig. This wasn't aimed at anyone in particular, but a few of my ex-RAF might have qualified on occasion!
I haven't heard of the Upstart Crow series. Is it on Netflix?
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I think it's on Stan, though I could be wrong. It's either that or Netflix. It's written by Ben Elton and stars David Mitchell, and is very funny. Emma (Sarkems) put me onto it, and we have been binge-watching ever since.
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Thanks. I'll have a look.
Comment from Raul1
I like the description of this man who doesn't know how to talk right. It is a well written poem. Excellent work! I like it. No grammatical errors. Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2020
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I like the description of this man who doesn't know how to talk right. It is a well written poem. Excellent work! I like it. No grammatical errors. Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 23-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2020
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Thanks, Raul. I appreciate your review and good luck wishes. All the best. Tony
Comment from Gloria ....
Ha, this is quite fun, Tony. I get a charge out of his inebriated exuberance which can be ridiculously exhilarating until the balderdash arrives.
Such clever use of words as befitting the Elements of Style by White and Strunk that rhymes perfectly with drunk, so my guess is the preferred statement would be ... it all depends.
Wishing you great luck with the Committee with gem.
Gloria
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2020
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Ha, this is quite fun, Tony. I get a charge out of his inebriated exuberance which can be ridiculously exhilarating until the balderdash arrives.
Such clever use of words as befitting the Elements of Style by White and Strunk that rhymes perfectly with drunk, so my guess is the preferred statement would be ... it all depends.
Wishing you great luck with the Committee with gem.
Gloria
Comment Written 23-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2020
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Thanks, Gloria. Glad you enjoyed it. I hope the committee do, too! I appreciate your good luck wishes. All the best, Tony
Comment from Suzanna Ray
Dear Tony, does it take a man to think of such a theme for a rhyming scheme. and to do it with such craft and skill.
I think it very clever but I would a suggestion make !
Add one word to your bottom line that I think will make it flow, add a "just " before the word plain, (I don't think you have a word count to consider ) and thank you for letting me practice my rhymes on you, You have done it to me a time or two.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2020
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Dear Tony, does it take a man to think of such a theme for a rhyming scheme. and to do it with such craft and skill.
I think it very clever but I would a suggestion make !
Add one word to your bottom line that I think will make it flow, add a "just " before the word plain, (I don't think you have a word count to consider ) and thank you for letting me practice my rhymes on you, You have done it to me a time or two.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2020
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Many thanks for your review and suggestion, Suzanna. I've had that pesky 'just' in and out of my mind for some time. I think you're right, though. It's better in - so I've changed it.
Comment from Ulla
Oh dear, what can I say. Tony, This is so well written and leaves me with an imagery of a very drunk man whose brain has become very befuddled by the shear amount of alcohol it has consumed. Not good at all.
It's a wonderful poem, and good luck. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2020
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Oh dear, what can I say. Tony, This is so well written and leaves me with an imagery of a very drunk man whose brain has become very befuddled by the shear amount of alcohol it has consumed. Not good at all.
It's a wonderful poem, and good luck. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 23-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2020
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Thanks, Ulla. I'm not so thunk as you drink I am!
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Hehehehehe!
Comment from Gracie619
Very well written and "spot on" regarding quite a serious matter. The images you portray are real. I've lived with a person who was in that very dark place and is now recovered. It is amazing what drink can do to a person. Your words and knowledge come through quite well here. Keep writing!
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2020
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Very well written and "spot on" regarding quite a serious matter. The images you portray are real. I've lived with a person who was in that very dark place and is now recovered. It is amazing what drink can do to a person. Your words and knowledge come through quite well here. Keep writing!
Comment Written 23-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2020
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Thanks, Gracie. I appreciate your review. Alcoholism is no laughing matter.
Comment from Boogienights
You have done a fantastic job of rhyming this poem, about a sad case indeed. I love your presentation and think this will do very well in the contest. Best of luck.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2020
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You have done a fantastic job of rhyming this poem, about a sad case indeed. I love your presentation and think this will do very well in the contest. Best of luck.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2020
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Thanks, Boogienights. Appreciated.
Comment from elchupakabra
befuddled by intoxicant. (this is the only part I would change to 'intoxicants')
Other than this small note I thought this was an exceptional piece. Best of luck in the contest, thanks for sharing. Later daze.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2020
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befuddled by intoxicant. (this is the only part I would change to 'intoxicants')
Other than this small note I thought this was an exceptional piece. Best of luck in the contest, thanks for sharing. Later daze.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2020
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Thanks, elchupakabra. I appreciate your award of a sixth star and your suggestion.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
SSSSSSpectacular! I saw this yesterday and held off until I got my weekly allotment. No way would I auto-five this masterpiece of imagery, phrasing, rhyme, alliteration, and wit. If this doesn't win I'll be PISSED! Cheerssssss. LIZ
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2020
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SSSSSSpectacular! I saw this yesterday and held off until I got my weekly allotment. No way would I auto-five this masterpiece of imagery, phrasing, rhyme, alliteration, and wit. If this doesn't win I'll be PISSED! Cheerssssss. LIZ
Comment Written 23-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2020
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Thanks, Liz! Most kind. I'll share a virtual drink with you if this wins.
