Heart Cafted Poems - 2020
Viewing comments for Chapter 39 "Passing through your life"Musings of an old man -2020
29 total reviews
Comment from Bill Schott
This double rondeau with a twist, Passing Through Your Life, is well established and tells a tale of bad vibes with the wrong person who is now traveling another road. Rough.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2020
  |
This double rondeau with a twist, Passing Through Your Life, is well established and tells a tale of bad vibes with the wrong person who is now traveling another road. Rough.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2020
-
Bill, fortunately for me, this is a fictional writing. thanks for your wonderful review and comments.
Comment from LisaMay
You've expressed the pain of a love that didn't work out and the man blames himself: "I need to learn to abstain from companionship when I create pain"... unless it is the relationship that has caused the pain and the line should read: "...when it creates pain"
We are all just passing through - some more happily than others. Nice poem.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2020
|
You've expressed the pain of a love that didn't work out and the man blames himself: "I need to learn to abstain from companionship when I create pain"... unless it is the relationship that has caused the pain and the line should read: "...when it creates pain"
We are all just passing through - some more happily than others. Nice poem.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2020
-
LisaMay, thank you
Comment from Raul1
I like the word companionship and it is true to it's meaning. I like how you structured this poem. All the words rhymes and the sentences flow with clarity. Excellent work! Thanks for sharing!
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2020
|
I like the word companionship and it is true to it's meaning. I like how you structured this poem. All the words rhymes and the sentences flow with clarity. Excellent work! Thanks for sharing!
Comment Written 18-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2020
-
Raul thank you
Comment from royowen
These are quite difficult to do, because there is a different departure from the norm, I captured your words, just passing through, the cry of the pilgrim. I love the the fact you've journeyed on from your early words of "writing what you feel comfortable with" I used to say that! So, beautifully written, an excellent job on this double ronde autumn.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2020
|
These are quite difficult to do, because there is a different departure from the norm, I captured your words, just passing through, the cry of the pilgrim. I love the the fact you've journeyed on from your early words of "writing what you feel comfortable with" I used to say that! So, beautifully written, an excellent job on this double ronde autumn.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2020
-
Roy, I appreciate your time invested to read, review and comment on my poem, best always.
-
Well done Jim
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Passing through your life
by JLR
Hello, Jim
A wonderful poem about a broken heart. I know how it is. You expressed grief well with your well chosen words. Nice entry for the Potlatch Club writing challenge:Double Rondeau.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2020
|
Passing through your life
by JLR
Hello, Jim
A wonderful poem about a broken heart. I know how it is. You expressed grief well with your well chosen words. Nice entry for the Potlatch Club writing challenge:Double Rondeau.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2020
-
Gypsy, thank you!
Comment from Jacob David Collins
A well written piece about a persons broken heart. I thought your writing was quite deep and moving as you described how they felt and I could see the betrayal that was eating away at them. I enjoyed reading it.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2020
|
A well written piece about a persons broken heart. I thought your writing was quite deep and moving as you described how they felt and I could see the betrayal that was eating away at them. I enjoyed reading it.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2020
-
Jacob, I value your time invested in reading and commenting on my work.
Comment from elchupakabra
There are some parts I like and some parts I think could be cleaned up or dressed up, one line that stuck out as off to me was
'or feel the need to cry out a groan' this is where I feel you're stretching just to make a rhyme
Other than a few small bumps I thought it was good work. Thanks for sharing. Later daze.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2020
|
There are some parts I like and some parts I think could be cleaned up or dressed up, one line that stuck out as off to me was
'or feel the need to cry out a groan' this is where I feel you're stretching just to make a rhyme
Other than a few small bumps I thought it was good work. Thanks for sharing. Later daze.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2020
-
Thank you for investing time to read and comment on my work, solid input is always preferred and welcomed.
Comment from lyenochka
Super job with your double rondeau. The first part speaks to me about a broken relationship with the partner's live receding. The second one tells me that the poet has healed from the pain of that relationship and can view it as a relationship that was just "passing through." Great choice of rhymes!
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2020
|
Super job with your double rondeau. The first part speaks to me about a broken relationship with the partner's live receding. The second one tells me that the poet has healed from the pain of that relationship and can view it as a relationship that was just "passing through." Great choice of rhymes!
Comment Written 18-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2020
-
lyenochka, I always value the time you invested in reading and commenting on my work, best always.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Your presentation is great for the club challenge. Your topic is well-expressed. There is good flow ad rhymes, the picture is a good choice, and the message is strong. I could see everything as I read.
In verse 2, you are missing a line before the refrain.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2020
|
Your presentation is great for the club challenge. Your topic is well-expressed. There is good flow ad rhymes, the picture is a good choice, and the message is strong. I could see everything as I read.
In verse 2, you are missing a line before the refrain.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 18-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2020
-
Jan, I will revisit this....thanks for your time spent to read and comment on my poem.
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
This is a well flowing Double Rondeau delineating everything one concludes when a relationship begins to wane. Special attention is paid to every gesture and each word. A distance forms between the two. Independence nudges its way in. You just 'want to be alone.' Well done.
Ralf
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2020
|
This is a well flowing Double Rondeau delineating everything one concludes when a relationship begins to wane. Special attention is paid to every gesture and each word. A distance forms between the two. Independence nudges its way in. You just 'want to be alone.' Well done.
Ralf
Comment Written 18-Aug-2020
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2020
-
Hi Ralf, I always value the time you spent reading and comment on my work. Best always, JLR
